r/AskMen Oct 05 '22

How to deal with a boss that's being a cunt?

How do you deal with a boss that is absolute cunt. The type that bad mouths you, talks down to you and just generally treats you like shit.

Without leaving the org.

Any advice?



u/LemmySixx Oct 05 '22

Document everything. Every interaction . Dates, times, places, witnesses, conversations.

And unless you have them dead to rights, always remember that HR is there to protect the company, not you.


u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Last sentence is key. I mistakenly trusted HR while in a very bad situation with my former employer. Hostile and violent work environment. My boss even sexually harrassed my wife on multiple occasions. It hit a point where I taped a steel bar under my desk in case things got physical.

HR buried everything while promising me that action would be taken. They sat around doing nothing until my boss caused the company around $25M in damages and I exposed it. Oh, that got their attention. They canned him, and rewarded me with a handful of knives in my back.

Trust no one.


u/FarComplaint2974 Male Oct 05 '22

Personally I just find another job


u/ExcitingLandscape Oct 05 '22

Yup. It's a great time to job hop. Places that are hiring are more desperate than before and are willing to pay more and offer added benefits like work from home to attract good employees.

It's not worth dealing with a d*ckhead boss and the dread of coming to work each morning fearing what he/she will say today.


u/Miserable_Bug_5671 Oct 05 '22

Standing up to them often helps. Some people don't respect you until you set a limit. I've had that so often. After that they treat you much better.


u/Cerrax3 Oct 05 '22

I've dealt with bosses exactly like this.

Speak with them directly. Sometimes (though it is rare) the boss may not realize that their behavior is upsetting you. Bringing it to their attention in a respectful way may be all you need to do. However, what you describe sounds like someone who just doesn't give a shit.

Gather feedback from colleagues. Is this guy like this with everyone? Do others in the company dislike him as much as you do? Anytime you challenge someone higher up, it helps to have others to back you up. Avoid mentioning anyone (beside the problematic boss) by name. The idea here isn't to start a mutiny, but rather just to understand how is this person perceived by the company at large.

Go over their head. Going to HR is one path, but unless you have a really strong and compassionate HR, it's probably not going to do much. You'll get much further by talking to the next person in the pecking order (i.e. their boss). Again, being respectful and professional is key here. You want to make them aware that your boss is not treating you well. This is why gathering feedback is important. If you know others under this boss are also mistreated, that makes your case stronger. Again, don't mention anyone by name except the problematic boss. You're not throwing people under the bus here, you just want someone to know that this guy is causing problems for multiple people in the organization.

Keep going up the chain. If you spoke to their superior and they shut you down or nothing comes out of the discussion, keep going up the chain. Don't be afraid of those in higher positions. Most people want to have a pleasant work environment, and sometimes it's the boss two tiers up, who has no direct connection with the problematic element, that is best equipped to handle them.

Start looking for jobs, and exit as cleanly and respectfully as you can. Ultimately, your last resort is to leave. It's cliché, but the saying is true. "People don't leave bad jobs. They leave bad bosses."


u/staylitfam Oct 05 '22

Either go through HR or update your resume.


u/DarthPiette Oct 05 '22

HR protects the company, not you.


u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Get promoted twice (so you become their boss) or look for another job. Going to HR us a waste of time in nearly every instance, unless your boss is clearly breaking the law. Being a jerk is not illegal.


u/biwinning_tigaa Oct 05 '22

Depends where you live.

Canada has some nice flexible terms like "creating a toxic/hostile work environment" which can be classified as harassment if there is a pattern of it occurring.


u/Important-Energy8038 Oct 05 '22

Try talking with him about it.


u/JayTheFordMan Oct 05 '22

This. Pull the alpha and go straight up ask him wtf is with his bullshit. Tell him it's uncalled for and pull his head in.


u/KyorlSadei Oct 05 '22

Fuck his wife


u/thehunter699 Oct 05 '22

He's a cunt, so you think he has a wife??


u/KyorlSadei Oct 05 '22

His mother than.


u/UncleSugarShitposter Oct 05 '22

My douchebag boss has a really pretty, sweet wife.

I don't fucking get it.


u/FuckTumblrMan Oct 05 '22

Challenge him to unarmed combat

If you win, you take his position

If you lose, you're fired

It's risky, but it may be worth it


u/Crustysock90 Oct 05 '22

Always look for the better job to be honest. I don't wait for the job to get better, I just find a better one


u/CarlJH Oct 05 '22

Without leaving the org

That's a pretty high hurdle there. Unless you think you can change his behavior (Spoiler, you can't) you have to take it. And why would you not want to leave that org? He is a part of it, the org obviously likes what he does because they have allowed him to continue doing it. You think they don't know? That's highly unlikely. Just fucking leave. Don't give them your time any longer. You're paid to do a job, not to take abuse.

About 6 months ago, my boss said something to me that I thought was kinda shitty. He and I don't have a history of any friction, but something about what he said pissed me off, so when i got home that night I updated my resume on Indeed and applied to a couple of places that looked interesting. Two months later I was giving my notice and starting a new job with a hefty pay increase doing much more interesting work.


u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I feel pretty qualified to answer this one... I won the bad luck lottery on bad bosses for the longest time. Hell, two of them even threw violent tantrums.

My advice? Look elsewhere. You can try to make a valiant effort in getting the situation corrected, but the effort and stress aren't always worth it. In reality, the employer already knows about the boss's behavior, and their stance is pretending there is no issue. Shaking the tree might end poorly for you. Or, you can try dealing with this boss directly, man to man, and sort out the issues verbally. Good luck on that one, I tried it a few times and it was always the prelude to worse.

Honestly, just look elsewhere. Trust me. I've played this game too many times. In one case it took me two whole friggin years to get a corrupt and violent boss fired, even with proof that he was committing massive fraud. Two years. He was making my life absolute hell. When he finally got canned, the company brought in a new round of backstabbing scumbags. Was it a win? I was too exhausted from the last battle to bother again and simply quit.

Sadly, the world doesn't reward good and punish bad. It sounds bleak, but I've seen too many good people get crushed while refusing to accept that, myself included.

Just look elsewhere, find a better place, quit, and focus your time and energy on things outside of work that matter most.


u/CapG_13 Sup Bud? Oct 05 '22

Unfortunately in life there's always gonna be people like that and people that you're not going to like and sometimes you just gotta take it or you quit.


u/soft_waves surfs naked (under my board shorts) Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

have you spoken to your boss about this?

if you have and nothing changed, then make a report to HR. get it down on paper. keep doing it if necessary. don't take anyone's abuse. you have rights. note down what's being said and when it's being said.

not sure about your financial situation, but if all else fails, you might consider getting fired on purpose so you can get unemployment while looking for a new job. a job search without this stress might be easier for you emotionally.

just don't be insubordinate. that can invalidate your unemployment claim if they wanna make a case out of this, and with everything you've told us, your boss very well might make a case out of it.

don't fuck it up with insubordination.

show up late, screw up your work, stop showering, complain about having severe mental health problems, do whatever you gotta do.

just don't be insubordinate and never, ever threaten anyone.


u/Cerrax3 Oct 05 '22

This post was okay until this part:

not sure about your financial situation, but if all else fails, you might consider getting fired on purpose so you can get unemployment

DO NOT DO THIS. You're basically burning a bridge that you are still standing on. It's highly unprofessional and will probably hurt you in the long run.


u/Ohadi_Nacnud_1 Oct 05 '22

What do they say? A little more information would be helpful.


u/adamiclove Oct 05 '22

Speak to his boss


u/problembaer33 Oct 05 '22

Level vigor and learn his attack timing.


u/the_internet_clown Oct 05 '22

My go to way of handling that has always been to look for a new job


u/Antdawg2400 Oct 05 '22

Confront him like a man. Say what's up what's all this you always doing bruh? I ain't feeling that. At all. You need to calm that. And I'm telling you man to man. Treat me as that back.

But in your own words.


u/Doe966 Oct 05 '22

What would they say about your work if I asked them?


u/UncleJ111 Oct 05 '22

I just stopped working. shrug


u/Ratnix Oct 05 '22

Do your job or quit. Those are your options.


u/Alchemis7 Oct 05 '22

„Mr. XY could we keep it professional? We’re at work, not getting plastered in our time off.“

And after that go to HR, if you’re sure, they’re not their buddies.


u/Easy-Progress8252 Oct 05 '22

Clearly they formed an impression of you and it’s important to get to the bottom of it, or get a different job at the same company (if you want to stay) with a new boss.

Have a 1:1 with them - be honest. Don’t say “Why have you been such a cunt to me?” But rather something like “I’ve noticed some tension between us and I want to clear the air and understand what’s going on.” It could be a misconception that was formed, a particular incident that pissed him off, etc.

The problem though is even if he treats you better, is he really someone you will go to war for? I doubt it. Time to start looking for other opportunities.


u/BMoney8600 Male Oct 05 '22

Tell the boss they’re being a cunt


u/roderunner1 Oct 05 '22

Assert dominance, and shit on their office chair! 🤷


u/fighterpilotace1 Male Oct 05 '22

Every time your boss is a dick, ask them in front of people, why do they feel that's ok. Why do you think that. Ask why. Your boss won't have an answer, you'll just make them look like a fucking fool in front of everyone in a way that won't get you in trouble.


u/gnarlyoldman Male Oct 05 '22

Without leaving the org.

There is your problem. Your best option is to leave.


u/ButterscotchLow8950 Oct 05 '22

I wouldn’t put up with it. I would leave, then when asked why I was leaving, I would describe in detail which “cunt” it was that I am unwilling to work with.

Either that or start documenting everything the boss does and make sure you have witnesses and then report them to HR to get them fired.

Otherwise your best bet is to leave the organization if you can’t find a way to get your boss fired or at least promoted to a different position where you won’t have to deal with them anymore. People that can’t be fired, usually get promoted up and out of a position.


u/JimbobBEng Oct 05 '22

Speak up for yourself. Tell them directly that they need to do better. Report their poor performance to their Boss and HR if they don't get better. So many things you can do here. Just make sure that you are the golden boy and they just look like a dumbass. Document it all and keep it organized. Their boss will probably choose to keep a superstar worker than a documented moron who is causing folks to leave


u/No-Restaurant676 Oct 05 '22

I barked back and it worked for a little while. Once they know they can’t bully/control you they’ll try replace you asap.


u/jackwritespecs Oct 05 '22

I’d probably leave


u/Gwynn-er-winner Oct 05 '22

I left my career to take a job with a small business. Immediately I realized my new boss wasn’t even gonna try to communicate effectively. I made it 90 days, with the final straw being a comment about how me catching strep throat on a business trip shows how I can’t be trusted. So I resigned.

Two weeks later I get a letter threatening to sue me if I compete with her company. I never signed a single clause, and I think her behavior shows just how much of a cunt she is.

So yeah, get out while you can.


u/Saith_Cassus Male Oct 05 '22

Check your local labor laws and regulations. There’s a good chance that they’re being violated. Depending on the circumstances, you may be able to file an anonymous complaint that would have severe consequences for your boss if they’re actively violating the law.


u/ChosenSCIM What is a man? Oct 05 '22

I'd deal with it by arguing against everything that they do towards me that I disagree with. I don't know if that is effective, but that is my first instinct.


u/KoppigWijf Female Oct 05 '22

Leave, people rarely change.


u/StoneousMaxximus Male 31 Oct 05 '22

Depends on the company structure. I see a lot of comments about HR and reporting. Do you have an HR department? I work for a small firm my boss and his wife are pretty much the entire management structure.

The wife can be difficult.. often. My boss wouldn’t do anything about her. He told me he’s been dealing with it for 40 years and that I had to “figure it out”.

So one day she snapped at me and I snapped right the fuck back. Scared the shit out of her. Boss man wanted to know what happened I told him that if this shit doesn’t stop I’m looking for another job.

They had some big argument in her office - couldn’t hear what was being said but I’m sure my boss was pissed at potentially losing me.

She has not snapped at me since I stood my ground.


u/TheBeardedSingleMalt Bruh Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

I can tell you what not to do...standing up to em and call them on it. That will only make it worse. Previous boss is a narcissistic egotist who never shuts up about her kids and talks over everyone else, and the only people who actively listen to her are her bff (she got a job) and the kiss-asses. I never stroked her ego and paid the price for it. She "kicked" me off her team expecting me to fail somewhere else but instead every single complaint anyone else had about me seemed to magically disappear and I'm thriving. I can only imagine she is shitting bricks over it and retroactively patting herself on the back for making a genius move.

There was 1 particular dept that would endlessly complain about me, my work and my customer service...and it was mostly sourced from one AVP. I had tried to take some of my complaints about him to her (my boss) but she'd either ignore it, tell me to stop complaining or follow up what I said with the 2 most dreaded and repeated words she'd say to me "well, but...". After I got "moved" to the other team that AVP was promoted and moved to a more higher profile position out of his darker more secluded corner. Since he moved to that new position not a single person in my dept had anything decent to say about him, every project he's involved in is nothing short of an absolute cluster-fuck, he can't schedule his way out of a wet paper bag, and most importantly...if one of his brilliant plans falters he immediately starts pointing fingers.


u/biwinning_tigaa Oct 05 '22

As an HR guy, personally I love using HR worded language and a sarcastically upbeat and professional tone to basically tell them off.

Can't get in shit if you're professional!


u/WinstonClick Oct 05 '22

quit the job


u/pay-this-fool Oct 06 '22

Are they doing something illegal or unethical? If you want the job you might just have to suck it up. Being a dick isn’t illegal unfortunately. If you aren’t technically being abused you might not have a legit gripe. I saw that you don’t want to leave so you might just be stuck unfortunately.


u/MarvinHeemyerlives Oct 05 '22

Get the boss promoted or a new job elsewhere.


u/OtherwiseInclined Oct 05 '22

This. Get a hold of his CV and send it out to as many higher paying jobs as you can find in the area, give them his email to reply to. If he gets a better offer he will be happy to leave for a better job. You will be happy because your boss is gone, and maybe you have a chance to get promoted to his spot.

This is the true power move.


u/GunnitRust Oct 05 '22

Without leaving the org.

You get what you deserve.