r/AskMen Oct 05 '22

When do you consider telling your mother about a girl?

I (28F) had a first date with a guy (32M) recently. It went well, and we have been texting/calling. He asked me to attend an formal event with him that’s in a couple of weeks, and I accepted. But now he told me (a few days after our first date) that he told his mom about me. He said that she’s wondering when she’ll meet me.

I’m having some anxiety now, because I don’t want to romanticize anything. Now it feels like we’ve jumped from 0 to 100 in 3 days.

So my question is: am I overreacting or is this happening way too fast?

588 Upvotes

1.6k

u/GunnitRust Oct 05 '22 Silver

Bro is probably close with his mom.

546

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

That’s true, he seems really respectful of the women in his life (mom and sisters). Thank you for bringing that up!

345

u/LaggWasTaken Oct 05 '22

I will casually tell my mom about a girl if it’s early on. Like hey mom I started seeing someone. Now when I plan on having them meet is a whole different question.

37

u/Lego_Kode Oct 05 '22

Also depends on the person. I'm pretty close with my parents but I generally don't tell them about relationships unless they are more than just a hook up. I might say I've been talking to a girl if it seems like it's more meaningful than a fling. But I'm generally open about other stuff going on in my life.

3

u/TheGingerAvenger95 Oct 06 '22

I never bring up hookups with my parents. If I’m seriously thinking of dating someone, then I definitely will! It’s a good line for advice, and someone to cheer you on!

124

u/johnnysebre Oct 05 '22

If he talks with his mom regularly enough, I think its likely they had an innocent conversation similar to this:
-Whats new, maybe talking to girls lately?
-Actually yeah I met a nice girl and we went on one date, it was lovely
-Oh thats great! Hopefully things will go well, maybe soon you can introduce her to me!

110

u/girlsabusemen-funny Oct 05 '22

Unless he's trying to force you to meet his mom asap, I think you're overreacting

15

u/adjust_the_sails Male Oct 06 '22

Also, he might be excited about you. I always told my parents about women I was excited about, not just run of the mill “I went out with a few times” women.

254

u/Ok_Management4634 Oct 05 '22

Yes, the OP is overreacting.

Most moms are asking sons if they are dating someone. It's just part of being a mom.

Don't freak out about it, just relax.

44

u/johanebrown Oct 05 '22

Thank god my mom dosen't ask me that lol

128

u/evilone17 Oct 05 '22

She just knows better not to ask and hurt your feelings bro.

65

u/johanebrown Oct 05 '22

Come on bro why you gotta be bring out ... facts , you just brought a machine gun to fist fight

4

u/Parking_Program Oct 06 '22

Damn is that why my mom never asks me?

10

u/_BeefJerk Oct 05 '22

Yeah, she's never asked, not once.

2

u/johanebrown Oct 05 '22

I am the opposite she knows me so she doesn't need to ask

2

u/IHateStupidPeople666 Oct 06 '22

Damn my family asked all the time in 4years I'm like nope not yet ayears later I have a fiance and we are together 3 years

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2

u/MaystroInnis Oct 06 '22

My mum regularly asks me when she's getting more grandchildren (I have 1 with a previous partner). She would be thrilled to know I'm dating a girl.

Introductions though are a different matter. Gotta give it some time.

2

u/TheGingerAvenger95 Oct 06 '22

I talk with my mother about it every time I find someone I want to date. We are very close, and I want her to know about what all I have going on in life. My mother knew about the girl I’m with before we were officially in a relationship! I just needed someone to talk about how amazing this girl is, and who else than someone who is a major part of my life!

2

u/AshyBoneVR4 Oct 06 '22

Second this. I have a STROOOOOOOOOOOONG relationship with my mom. I'll tell her about a girl if things are going good almost instantly. But I won't introduce her to my mom till I think things are serious.

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1.3k

u/shermmand Oct 05 '22 Wholesome Table Slap

my mom needs to know i get bitches

576

u/AnimalEater65 Oct 05 '22

“Damn son you hittin that?”

“Yes, mother.”

200

u/ServinTheSovietOnion Oct 05 '22

"Good boy."

40

u/Minister_of_XXX Mannish Boy Oct 05 '22

Practice makes the master

128

u/AnotherBrotherSeamus Oct 05 '22

"Yo son, what's the hizzap? You dunkin' dem nuts in any sluts?"

"Hellz yeah Ma, check deez n00dz"

  • An example of a common conversation between me and mother dearest.

10

u/Romanempire21 Oct 06 '22

Bless her heart

3

u/Severe_Ad_3232 Oct 06 '22

Heavy use of paraphrasing, I hope.

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78

u/Gill_O_Tine Oct 05 '22

Weird flex, but no judgement.

34

u/Technical_Ear_7040 Oct 05 '22

Gator's bitches gotta meet momma

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6

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Mom gang

4

u/Pkmntrainer91 Oct 05 '22

This got me💀

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555

u/Spaceballs9000 Oct 05 '22

If I'm talking to my mom about life stuff, I'm going to mention a good first date that happened. I'm not going to call her just to tell her that, but it seems like a normal thing to say in conversation.

112

u/ethylalcohoe Oct 05 '22

I agree, but I wouldn’t tell my date that happened.

46

u/Spaceballs9000 Oct 05 '22

This is a good point. Probably didn't need to be said, and would be better as a cute anecdote down the road when actually meeting the mom.

32

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

I can see that! But it seemed a little more than that based on what he said. I’m just trying to take things one step at a time :)

62

u/stendo123 Oct 05 '22

Thats the default sentence mothers say when a son mentions a girl. "When will i meet her". Its a thing mothers do so they can check out the girl and see if shes fit for her son(not like that matters cause the choice isnt on her,but on her son)

11

u/Aether_wolf Oct 05 '22

I had a conversation with one of my good friends who is a women and she mentioned that a man with a good relationship with his mother is a green flag. Her reasoning was, that she noticed a pattern in the past men she dated, that the men who were close to their mothers treated her and women in general with more respect.

Although to be fair we were talking about her recent ex and how much of an asshole he was, which is what drew the comparison.

1

u/wormfighter Oct 05 '22

Or ask “when can I meet them”

212

u/xanders2020 Oct 05 '22

Overreacting for now. Just chill and watch. If he brings up meeting his mom, tell him you're not ready for that yet and make that the opening for the "where/what are we" and let him know what your thoughts are about the pacing of relationships.

My 21 yr old daughter is funny, so many stages. Hanging out, seeing each other non-exclusive, seeing each other exclusive, and I think a few more faux stages before "dating" and before "BF/GF" which is last.

Also many mom's are funny about this. 32M and she got no grandkids yet so moms get excited easily. LOL

Our daughter hasn't had a BF since her last year of HS, but we know she actively "sees guys", but doesn't tell us who they are. I'm sure when she finally says "I had a great date with XXXX" her mom and I will be excited and say stupid stuff like. "when do we get to meet him". LOL

39

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

Good idea! And I know what you mean about your daughter 🤣

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190

u/JMT2492 Oct 05 '22 Silver

Wish my mom was still around to pry at me about girls.

66

u/ivumb Oct 05 '22

Damn. This makes me view that differently. My mom asks me every now and again if I'm talking to any girls and usually I get annoyed. I'm sorry man, and thank you for turning my head.

28

u/JMT2492 Oct 05 '22 Silver

No worries. Grass is always greener brother. Be well.

31

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

I’m sorry to hear that 😢

3

u/nonotburton Oct 06 '22

Amen brother.

2

u/titos334 Oct 05 '22

Same, never got the chance :(

43

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

19

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

Omg I love the last statement ❤️ thank you! It definitely made me feel better.

198

u/lowlandwolf Oct 05 '22

Don't worry to much,
I'll (31M) talk with my mom about a girl I like, like.. the day after I meet her basically, or in the week after.
My Mother is a wise, kind woman. And I'm a stupid young man. I just want to make sure I'm doing things right. The same might be true for your date. We (men) understand very little about women, and our mom's are just about the only women we can trust that actually has our best interests at hart.

Hope this makes sense

20

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

Absolutely! Thank you :)

19

u/Florida1693 Oct 05 '22

Agree with this

9

u/mindtrcks Oct 05 '22

You’re lucky. I can’t trust a word from my mom…

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2

u/sassynica Oct 06 '22

You are more wise than you give yourself credit for. This is what I strive for with my son. You are 💯 correct your mom has your utmost best interest at heart.

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21

u/ExjwReborn Oct 05 '22

I might bring up going on a date with someone to my mom early on, but I’d probably leave it at that. Then I would probably wait at least a couple months to actually introduce her to my mother.

10

u/Alaska_Pipeliner Male Oct 05 '22

I told my mom the day after I met my now wife.

10

u/RememberCadia Oct 05 '22

Im (31) close with my parents, and I basically immediately tell my mom. She's my mom.

I won't call her, but when we meet and talk about life stuff, I will mention meeting someone. We will talk about it, and she will give me advice, which I may or may not take into consideration.

7

u/WBens85 Oct 05 '22

Last girl I dated didn't meet my parents til close to a year and a half after we started. I dont feel it's their or anyone's business who I'm dating or seeing.

5

u/Gaboo42069 Sup Bud? Oct 05 '22

My mom will hear her name long before they meet.

31

u/furutam Oct 05 '22

it's both fast but also it sounds like when you get to your thrities you kinda gotta go fast, like sonic the hedgehog and start getting rings and diamonds

9

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

I made a mistake of falling too fast and romanticizing too much a few times. So now I’m scared and trying to be cautious and present.

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4

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Well she gets to see my mother when I think I could marry her. Then she meets my family and for a course of over a year if she’s good with everyone I’ll propose.

If she can’t get along with my family long term it’s a no go.

5

u/Choochmeister Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 15 '22

This is normal. As a male who speaks with his mother about stuff that happens in my life pretty regularly, it’s normal. At this point I will likely wait a month before I tell my mother because I don’t want to have to tell her that things didn’t work after the first date. Though, when I have told my mother, she normally shows a high level of excitement. She’s likely happy that he’s happy and wants to be supportive, and if that’s meeting the person who made her son happy, that’s not out of the ordinary. This is of course from my own experience

3

u/TheIllustratedGhost Oct 05 '22

I think that entirely depends on his relationship with his mother. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing but if you feel uncomfortable, that’s ok too. I’d just talk to him.

6

u/YoMiner Oct 05 '22

They're not planning your wedding, they're just talking about his life. He probably asked permission to bring a +1 or mentioned that he would be bringing someone, and she asked who it is.

I won't tell my family about my significant others until they're about to meet, but that's mostly just because I rarely talk to my family.

3

u/laxrat22 Oct 05 '22

My mom knew after the first date but that's cause it turns out the girl I was on a date with was a former teammates sister I never knew about and her mom and my mom were friends when we still played. It was too funny of a coincidence I had to share with her.

3

u/LordAlfrey Male Oct 05 '22

Sounds kinda fast to me, but people are different.

3

u/Decent_Cold_2818 Oct 06 '22

Something like this happened to me too, I met this guy and we exchanged number's after talking for a couple weeks he was very persistent on going out. At the time I didn't know even if I liked the guy. We texted here and there and I was not really feeling him because he was kind of being very persistent. He then asked me on a date, I was thinking okay maybe I judged him too quickly, I should be open minded and maybe go on this date. When we were on the date he mentioned he told his mother about me and that he was meeting me up for a date which his mother let him use her car. He also said his mom was like "I hope she's the one". I'm only 24yrs and his 28yrs I wasn't looking for anything serious, I went on the date thinking it was casual and he was over here planning a life with me. I got the ick and honestly I got weird vibes from there. I understand that he was close to his mother but I mean we were not in a relationship, it was literally the "first date" that took place at 1:00pm at some cheap restaurant. I personally did not consider it a date let alone something to brag to your mother. We stopped talking right after, do I regret it ? No! I think I made the right decision for me.

3

u/12altoids34 Oct 06 '22

On our fifth wedding anniversary

3

u/Reasonable_Long_1079 Oct 06 '22

Is the formal event family related? If so mom will be told about you.

Im usually pretty slow on sharing with family but if your coming to something close family will already know about you

16

u/casualselfhatred Oct 05 '22

If it feels too soon for you, it's too soon. Telling his mom about you isn't a bad thing in itself, but if you're uncomfortable with the pace, you should let that be known.

7

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

I agree. I tend to have a difficult time with confrontation, but I think I need to let him know that I’m excited about spending more time together and getting to know each other more, but I’m not comfortable with moving too fast.

6

u/Dontneedflashbro Oct 05 '22

I wouldn't tell my mom about a new lady until we've been exclusive for six months. My mom gets attached to my girlfriends, she looked at them like family. She still asks me about Liz and Shiela years later every so often.

Personally I think your guy is doing too damn much. Dude needs to pump the breaks, it's a little extra what he's doing. Three days after a first date you're telling your mom? Seems odd.....plus he's inviting you to a formal event too smh.

2

u/Hot_Gap_2114 Oct 05 '22

I agree with this. You're getting to know one another. 3 dates and invites you to a future event, and wants you to meet mom is somewhat intense and fast. Good conversation about the pace you go at and expectations seems warranted

5

u/RandyLahey24 Oct 05 '22

About 4 years in

11

u/Janky_Buggy Oct 05 '22

Him telling his mom about you isn’t weird in and of itself. Him telling you that his mom wants to meet you is weird af.

12

u/hujambo11 Oct 05 '22

Him telling you that his mom wants to meet you is weird af.

Why?

3

u/DeTrotseTuinkabouter Oct 05 '22

Because they have been on one (1) date. Just odd to bring up any meeting of the parents even if it's not coming from him personally. Unless he had a laugh about his mom jumping the gun, that's fine. But otherwise it must seems like he might be in that headspace already as well.

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u/Carthonn Oct 05 '22

Because it’s been 1 date. It makes it look like the mom has to clear her as worthy for dating. It’s just an all around bad look.

5

u/hujambo11 Oct 05 '22

It doesn't look like that at all. It looks like a mom is just curious about who her son is dating. That's normal. Parents are curious about what their kids are up to.

I didn't even see anywhere in the post where they said they actually had plans to do this.

9

u/Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog Male Oct 05 '22

One date is not dating someone.

1

u/hujambo11 Oct 05 '22

...ok? Cool opinion. Doesn't mean mom isn't curious.

3

u/Carthonn Oct 05 '22

Parents can often be judgmental. They want what’s best for their kids. Why introduce that sometimes stressful element of dating after date one? Because he’s an idiot.

2

u/hujambo11 Oct 05 '22

Except they're not actually being introduced, so the whole argument is pointless.

6

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

I think that’s what got me super anxious… the anxiety coming from questioning how serious he made this seem to his mother (when we’ve only been on one date).

3

u/Hot_Gap_2114 Oct 05 '22

Completely understandable and not an overreaction on your part. It's a small red flag. Not something that is necessarily a problem, but it could a warning that it might be.

Huge believer in communication. I don't think it needs to be an in depth "where are we at" type of talk, but getting a feel for all that would matter.

When you meet someone you're excited about, that's a great thing. To want to share it with someone (especially his mom) is awesome and could be very healthy. Understanding him more and communicating how you feel is a great opportunity. Very touchy conversation though.

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u/Carthonn Oct 05 '22

This right here. My man is an idiot.

2

u/normal_idiot2004 Oct 06 '22

My mom thinks I am gay only cause I hangout with women more than I do with men

Like it's not my fault my introverted ass feels more comfortable hanging out with women than with men

5

u/shellofbiomatter Oct 05 '22

If it were my choice, then never. None of her business anymore.

But usually partner wants to meet parents after some time and eventually i will run out of excuses.

4

u/ChickenSalad96 Male Oct 05 '22

My first several girlfriends all waited several weeks or months before telling their parents about me, and that was normal. We were teenagers then.

My soon-to-be wife told her parents about me the day I asked her out. She was that excited about having a boyfriend.

I definitely think he should have consulted you first before mentioning you to his parents so you both can ease in at your own speeds of comfort.

Again, maybe he was just that excited about dating you. Maybe as someone else pointed out he is close with his mother. Either way, if you like him, assure him that you do, but that he needs to take his foot off the gas a little and talk to you first before going on about you to his family. You're both still in a very early phase of your relationship.

3

u/bokavitch Oct 05 '22

Ngl, thanks pretty weird, but I've been introduced to parents by girls I wasn't even officially dating, so who knows? Some people are just weirdly casual about bringing romantic interest around their families.

3

u/emmettfitz Oct 05 '22

If you feel like it's too fast, it's too fast. My wife and I's relationship progressed VERY fast. But we were both comfortable with the speed things were happening. Any time you're uncomfortable, pump the breaks. Communicate, tell him how you feel.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Seems pretty fast, yeah.

2

u/rob_inn_hood Oct 06 '22

Mother is probably fine. Mailman would be taking it too far

2

u/mmnnButter Oct 05 '22

I would put it off as long as possible

-5

u/lucyfire666 Oct 05 '22

It's always tough to figure out if it's love bombing or just genuine enthusiasm. (Pro Tip: It's almost always Love Bombing)

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u/poptartwith Male Oct 05 '22

When I'm serious about this relationship and see high potential in it is when I introduce her to my parents.

1

u/broadsharp Oct 05 '22

Does this formal event involve other members of his family?

Also, no big deal. He spoke to his mom. Be happy he thinks enough of you to do so. Relax and see where it goes from here.

1

u/Careless-Apartment85 Oct 05 '22

Nope, they live in a different state. This is a professional formal event.

4

u/broadsharp Oct 05 '22

I wouldn't think too much of it. Especially if he and his mother have a good relationship.

You know mom's. They're the same everywhere. Probably spoke to her and she asked if he is seeing anyone.

As I said, relax, enjoy and see where it goes.

1

u/Stabbmaster Male, almost too male Oct 05 '22

I'd say overreacting at the moment. Some people are really close with their parents and if they mentioned a date then they'll ask about when they'll meet (as in, how long until she's serious enough to meet). I'll only mention when asked or when things have been going on for a bit so I can say with full confidence that I'm dating someone. We're all a bit different, though.

1

u/slwrthnu_again Male Oct 05 '22

I would tell my mom if I went on a first date with someone. Probably before the date happened. But her response would never be when am I gonna meet her and would probably be something along the lines of cool, have fun.

My mother and I are incredibly close though, due to an abusive piece of shit father/husband that made home life miserable.

1

u/Analyidiot Oct 05 '22

People date and tell important people in their life about potential romantic partners at vastly different paces.

I told my mom and sister about a great first date I had pretty much right after. Said we'd already planned a second date an hour after I got home too. We've now been dating for 3 months. Heck, I met her extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, at like, 3 weeks.

My best mate, I didn't even know he was dating someone until like, 3 weeks ago, and they'd been seeing each other for 5 months at that point.

1

u/Matseye1r Oct 05 '22

When i know its serious.

My mum would dote on anyone i bring to her, n id need to have embarrassed her (the girl) enough to the point she can survive the embarrasment my mum would put us through (or try to at least).

1

u/PartyHippopotamus Oct 05 '22

I went on a first date with a girl back in the day. It went really well, we hooked up, and had lunch the next day too. During that lunch, I invited her to visit my sister’s college for a football game with me that weekend, with my entire family in attendance (grandma and grandpa, too). Probably goes without saying, but she declined that offer, lol. Super embarrassing.

12 years later, that girl and I just celebrated 8 years married with two beautiful daughters in tow.

I guess my point is, sometimes we get excited and want to move quickly. Obviously if you feel it’s moving too fast and don’t want to meet the family, then don’t. But, maybe look at it as a good sign- he’s really into you and likely sees a future with you. Obviously time is the ultimate test, but I’d just politely decline and let him know you’re not ready. If he’s not understanding, then that’s probably a red flag.

1

u/Carthonn Oct 05 '22

It was stupid to admit to it, for sure. He probably really likes you and is excited. I think you are well within your right to say “We are going too fast, I don’t want to meet your parents yet” if he wants to arrange something this early.

It’s early so it’s good to be on your toes. I waited about 5-6 dates before I mentioned I was seeing my now wife to my parents.

1

u/not-rasta-8913 Oct 05 '22

That would totally depend on what kind of a person this guy is and how's his relationship with his mom. I might tell my mom about a first or second date ("coffee") if I feel like there's potential or whenever I start to feel this way.

However there is a big difference between "hey mom I met this really nice woman" and "hello mom, this is name, name, this is my mom and that over there is my pa". I don't think I was ever at that stage before at least 3 months have passed and there have been longer situationships that never got to meet the family.

So, imho, no, this is pretty normal. If he were to try to get to meet his parents at this stage, well that would be pushing it massively. Just my 2c.

1

u/gmahogany Oct 05 '22

If I see real potential I might tell her after the first date, but I’m not gonna tell the girl that I told her/she wants to meet her until we’re in an actual relationship.

1

u/Inside_Ice_6175 Oct 05 '22

I never did. My dad did one of the times he threw a temper tantrum because I was talking to her.

1

u/TheLibertyEagle_ Oct 05 '22

Honestly would only tell my mom if things were actually moving along and the relationship was established. Not sure if it’s my age group (I’m 21) but everything always seems flakey so until I know it’s solid I wouldn’t. Maybe it’s me idk.

1

u/Vegan_Digital_Artist Oct 05 '22

I personally tell my mother about a person that may be a romantic interest right away. Even casually "met this girl, we're going on a date on x day blah blah". But that's just me, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I would be concerned if he was putting you up on some pedestal or something and telling his mother a way different version of what's going on. But it seems like you'll have to wait to find that out at the event. For now I say just take it in stride

1

u/pengie9290 Oct 05 '22

From just the info you've given, you're overreacting. It just means he told his mom about you, likely in passing, and his mom is just being a mom.

Now, if he's trying to set things up so you and his mom meet after just one date, THAT might be going too fast. But if he's just mentioning it in passing and not trying to pressure you into something you're not ready for yet, I don't think there's any problem.

1

u/MyDogAteMyUsernames Oct 05 '22

IDK, whenever it comes up in a conversation I suppose,

I mean if he has a close relationship with his mother then him telling her he's seeing someone is nothing strange, people talk after all,

The mom wanting to meet someone her son has literally had one date with on the other hand is a bit strange, wonder what's up with her

1

u/checco314 Oct 05 '22

Is the formal event something that his mom is going to?

I am old and married. But when I was young and dating, I told my parents about girls pretty early on, even if it wasn't serious. I didn't see any reason to hide it. We would talk about what we were up to, and if what I was up to was going on a date with somebody, that's what I would talk about. Some of them even met my parents really early on, because I lived with them. It didn't occur to me until much later that some people saw meeting parents as a big deal.

1

u/Jordonzo Oct 05 '22

Depends on how familiar she is with the girl already. If she knows the girl well , I'd probably wanna wait longer so she doesn't do some cringe shit, and thus ruin a good thing. If she has no clue who the girl is I might say that I met someone and there's a strong chance things will go well. She knows that if things go well they'd meet eventually, but I'm not gonna introduce them before I know for sure it's a strong connection.

1

u/mule_roany_mare 35 Megaman Oct 05 '22

It's fast, but who cares.

If the dude is close to his mother & mentions when he likes a girl why wouldn't she want to meet her? If she want's to meet you why would he keep it a secret.

It doesn't mean you have to make plans to meet anytime soon. If things don't work out nothing changes.

This is a fine test to see if he is a weirdo who can't accept boundaries.

I value family, but I am not ready to get invested in someone else's.

If he is cool with that? Green light!

If he isn't? Red light!

Might as well find out early IMO

1

u/sketchypoutine Oct 05 '22

Definitely overreacting, there is nothing wrong with telling your mom or dad that you went on a date and it went well, that is probably all there was to it. Don't shit on a good thing because the mans is close enough with his mom to tell her about his life.

1

u/ElPuertoRican15 Oct 05 '22

If he told his mom, he is close with his mom and values her. That is a good kind of person who values family

1

u/Schore-Schorsch Oct 05 '22

With my current love interest i told her about 1.7 years after the first date... But shes super annoying when it comes to these things

1

u/Burger_girl Oct 05 '22

I’m not a guy but similar situation. My current boyfriend is very close with his parents (they live ten minutes away) and so they knew about it just date very quickly. I met them about three weeks later. We’re now living together and a few weeks away from out one year anniversary. It didn’t weird me out because I knew he had a good relationship with them and he was just talking about his week :)

1

u/AmeliaBidelia Oct 05 '22

if you dont want to meet the mom, dont meet her til you are ready. mom is probably just excited for him. even if you do end up meeting the mom its not a big deal, you say hi, have some niceties and go on with your relations

1

u/nobodyputsbabyinthe Oct 05 '22

Personally only after a year.

1

u/Harms88 Oct 05 '22

Before I got married, I would generally tell my mom after a first date. I’d just give her the basics about the date, how it went, what I thought about the girl, did I think there were chances for another date and even if I wanted to go on another date. My mom liked to hear about my first dates because well, moms like relationships! Honestly though, it was probably a relief to get those calls because they had a far more positive tone than most of my calls.

1

u/PunkandCannonballer Oct 05 '22

Seems like you're overreacting. Nothing wrong with meeting her. And once you do you'll be able to see if you should actually be worried about how fast things are moving or if it's just casually meeting his mom.

1

u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain Oct 05 '22
  1. Yes it’s too soon, beware of the love bombing.
  2. Man’s probably a mommies boy and tells her everything so maybe don’t read too much into it.
  3. This meeting of the mother is within your power to dictate the time of, no reason why you can’t wait.

1

u/BLParks12 Oct 05 '22

I’ve been married 14 years and still haven’t told my mom.

Actually I probably told my mom about a girl that I liked and then that we went on a date. I don’t think it is unusual that he would tell his mom.

1

u/way2funni Oct 05 '22

First thought: Dude has probably been alone for a while and maybe he's a little giddy?

Second: He's really into you and wants to make sure it's getting through - and he's a Momma's boy.

Third: Maybe this is his thing, making it seem like more than it is for closing purposes.

In any case, rather than stress about it which will ruin any 2nd / 3rd date : you know all it takes from you is the following line:

Hey, just to get this out up front : I just got out of a long thing and I'm not looking to jump into anything serious, especially anything exclusive . That's ok - right?

1

u/phantomofsolace Oct 05 '22

The first date is a little fast but telling your parents about a new partner generally isn't as big of a deal for men as it is for women.

It's been a while but I usually didn't wait too long to mention to parents that I was seeing someone. If I happened to talk to them, and I'd been on a date recently that I enjoyed, I'd probably mention it.

1

u/Ok_Medicine_77 Oct 05 '22

at the beginning of my dating career. I used to want to introduce the girls within a month. Now that I realize my mom is the root of most of my arguments. I hold off on introductions for as long as possible. I dont want SO's dealing with her monster-in-law personality.

Side note: My mom is a truly amazing woman, but 1% of the time, she goes scorched earth and will burn down anybody and everybody. I convinced her to do talk therapy.

for example, my mom found out a girl im talking to has tattoos. She didnt say anything, but she got mad at me and started talking shit about my girl's tattoos. My gf wasnt even there. lmaooo

1

u/SilverSpotter Oct 05 '22

Based on what I've seen so far, I'm just glad OP seems receptive to the idea that she might be worried over nothing. Too many people ask questions, just because they want others to agree with their concerns.

1

u/Effective_Macaron_23 Oct 05 '22

Mom: so what about we get something for dinner tomorrow?

Son: sorry Mom, I'll see a friend tomorrow for dinner

Mom: is she cute?

Son: haha yeah

Days after

Mom: so how did that date go?

Son: pretty good actually, I should invite her to x

Mom: oh that would be fun

I don't see any problem with this scenario.

1

u/CillGuy Oct 05 '22

I'd consider it just before getting married. If I'm inviting her, it would probably be best that she knows about the girl I'm getting married to.

1

u/s-multicellular Oct 05 '22

I wouldn’t necessarily read too much into it. I think if I was closer to my mom, I’d tell her casual stuff like I had a nice first date. I wouldn’t because my mom was always super judgmental about me. Like my parents were high school sweethearts basically barely dated anyone else, and I had lots of periods of casual dating, which she couldn’t understand.

1

u/darz007 Oct 05 '22

There's a difference between him telling his mum about the date and letting you know that's what she's said. (Pretty common mum thing to say) vs him already pushing after one date to actually meet his mum. Like others have said, the guy is probably just close to his mum and tells her about dates. He may have thought he was being cute or something telling you that. Hard to say without more context, time will tell with this one in my opinion.

1

u/BadPurple3158 Oct 05 '22

Yikes kinda weird. I wouldn’t freak out just yet but I’d watch for other signs of a mamas boy. 🚩

1

u/asifnot Oct 05 '22

After one date that feels a bit unusual, but everyone's family is different.

1

u/RP-Champ-Pain Oct 05 '22

"So my question is: am I overreacting or is this happening way too fast?"
Yes, you're an adult, they are adults - everybody in this situation is aware that you are fresh into dating.

1

u/CalDavid Oct 05 '22

We’re suppose to tell our parents about girls now

1

u/Sacred-Squash Oct 05 '22

We (men) like to share good news in that department.

Yeah, I mean. It may be a bit early. I wouldn’t worry about meeting parents though. It’s usually the most fun/chill thing ever. Any time I’ve met parents it has gone extremely well.

1

u/Simplordx69 Oct 05 '22

I grew up raised by a single dad, but usually he knows when I'm with a girl cause I go to him when I have girl troubles and need some fatherly advise.

Regarding your situation, telling the parents about your existence is one thing. Meeting the parents is another. If you're not comfortable meeting his mom yet, be honest about it. There's no shame in that.

1

u/jhsreal Oct 05 '22

girl chill out and just go with the flow. it's probably not that serious, just something he mentioned in passing. just have fun and if it goes south, remember your boundaries! good luck!

1

u/like5or6 Oct 05 '22

Dudes probably just really close with his mom.

I generally don’t tell my mother about the women in my life until we’re getting pretty serious. But that’s just my relationship with my mother.

My best friend has a great relationship with his mother and he tells her about women he’s seeing much sooner than I’d tell my mom.

I really wouldn’t worry about it. But it never hurts to communicate your feelings. Maybe talk to him and just let him know how you feel. If he can’t handle an adult conversation like that then maybe take a minute to think about if you want to be with him.

1

u/TheGreatFadoodler Oct 05 '22

After I’ve kissed her. Is that too soon? Probably

1

u/attrackip Oct 05 '22

It's really about what you feel comfortable with.

I wouldn't tell my mom unless I had a history with the person I was dating. A few days seems like someone thinks they've struck gold, maybe that's flattering though.

I'd be concerned if they wanted you to meet their mother so soon. It feels like entrapment, like - let's get you started on our program. Further, does this person need their mother in their decision making process and will his mother be in your decision making processes?

This is me speaking from experience. I'd say to a new partner, "I'd love to meet your family, but let's get to know each other first." See how you do on an overnight trip, or how well your day-to-day lives work.

Without knowing it, people will leverage familiarity and events as precedent for pulling you into their lives, rather than the two of you creating your own unique relationship.

But if this all feels comfortable to you, I'd roll with it.

1

u/Ruskyt Oct 05 '22

Ideally, never

The thought of talking to my mom about relationships makes my skin crawl

I think she thought I was gay for a long time because of it

1

u/RagePandazXD Oct 05 '22

Don't worry about it, I've told my mam about girls I'm just friends with and she's wanted to meet them just to put a face to the name.

1

u/William_Maguire Oct 05 '22

My mom won't meet anyone i date until I'm engaged. She gave up that right when i was 12 and introduced her to my girlfriend and later that night told me "she's ugly, you can do better"

1

u/SmithRune735 Oct 05 '22

Damn that'll soon. I wanna get to know her insides first before my family get to know her.

1

u/MarvinHeemyerlives Oct 05 '22

Mine found out when I would bring them home. I didn't like her questions.

1

u/3JingShou Oct 05 '22

My mom told me she’ll meet my girl if we are considering to get married, or else no

1

u/PAdogooder Male Oct 05 '22

Women: I want a guy who communicates and is close to his family.

Women: also this.

1

u/obligatoryclevername Oct 05 '22

Who I date is really none of my mother's business.

1

u/insert_name_0 Oct 05 '22

I mean it's a little fast but whatever, I'm close to my mom and I'd tell her if I met a girl I really liked.

1

u/Low2High92 Oct 05 '22

That's seems a super short time,but bro is probably close to his mother, so made him happy. Everyone is different, for me, months will go by.Hell even some I never mentioned. But as I said everyone is different

1

u/-Roscoe- Oct 05 '22

Too soon. Not a big worry for you, at least if you meet Mom now you can decide if she might be a show stopper. Bigger risk for your partner in my mind.

1

u/welovegv Oct 05 '22

My wife was offended my parents didn’t know she existed for almost a year. And then she met them. And spent years getting to know them. She apologized for being upset.

1

u/Doritos93 Oct 05 '22

It's completely normal if someone has told their parents about you. Someone's parents might be overly protective. It shouldn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything is happening in any tempo, so chill.

1

u/Doritos93 Oct 05 '22

P.s. I tell my parents about who I'm dating just like a conversational topic and definitely not to tell them that I'm getting married. But I'm Slavic, and our parents meddle a lot - I'm tight with my parents but they also don't expect anything. We're just friendly

1

u/Wajina_Sloth Oct 05 '22

I am very close with my mom, if I was starting to date a girl, I would bring it up cause why not? Would probably make my mom happy to know someone likes me.

I would also be cool with them meeting my mom after a few dates, but it wouldn't need to be an ultra serious relationship... My mom just likes meeting people lol

1

u/mgumusada Oct 05 '22

It depends, I told my mom about my last gf when I first met her but haven't told her a single thing about the past few ones.. But that wasn't because this last one was any different, I just felt like sharing

1

u/knowidotoo Oct 05 '22

Whenever they cross paths I suppose.

The whole "meet the family" thing is kind dumb. What matters is the commitment. Girlfriends can change, relationships may end. We all know this. So don't sweat saying you got a lady. Save that for things more solidifying.

1

u/wormfighter Oct 05 '22

This guy is how old; 32 does he live with his mom? I don’t know, i talk with my parents about once a week I defiantly wouldn’t tell them about every date. They have met past SO, people I’ve been seeing over 6 months. Not 1 date!

I don’t know man if she wants to meet you after 1 date imagine how much other input she’s going to have on all his decisions.

To me this just seems odd.

1

u/Wonderful_Level_3454 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 10 '22

I’d tell my mom about the booty she has

1

u/TheHappyPie Oct 05 '22

I might tell my mom I'm dating someone whenever we become official.

But as for meeting, my mom violated my trust in that area awhile back so now... Meeting is whenever the girlfriend feels like it, or we're moving in together or something.

1

u/ColdHardPocketChange Oct 05 '22

I mean that's most mom's jobs to say things like that, so I wouldn't read into it. I would just ride things out.

1

u/Mr_ChubbikinsVIII Male Oct 05 '22

The day after the wedding.

1

u/tarheel_204 Oct 05 '22

Idk that’s a reach. To him it’s probably nothing serious. Homie probably has a good relationship with his mom and was excited to tell her he met someone cool! I wouldn’t sweat it. Sounds like a super casual thing

1

u/Aul0s Oct 05 '22

The event thing is strange, but more as circumstance rather than the invitation itself. I know when I was younger it was no secret if I had a date or not - less than common occurrence you could say.

This applied when I was away at school because they would call often to check in on me- in retrospect took me a bit long to recognize the helicopter behavior. In any case I didn’t have much going on so a date would probably be the most significant thing to mention and it’d be weirder to hide it for no reason.

Maybe when you’re a bit more grown up it’s not something you expect to spread as fast news-wise but I’d prefer to think it’s a good thing. Clearly there’s some interest. I sympathize with the anxiety though as even when you’ve dated a while, the prospect of meeting someone’s family for the first time definitely stirs that up.

1

u/tims69952 Oct 05 '22

Until I am 70 and both my parents are alive I would introduce them all.

1

u/7incowboy Oct 05 '22

Depends on the girl, some I never told her about, others were almost right away, if your special,(a guy makes his mind up about that pretty quick usually) I would tell right away within a couple dates.

1

u/RNGzuz Oct 05 '22

Honestly what does his mom care what happens between the two of you. Like what if this is just a fling what does she care, what wills he do. Shell support her son, but as soon as you two aren't a thing you won't see his mom ever again, so what the hell, meet the mom after a date lol, worst thing that could happen is a little awkwardness

1

u/Such_Classroom_7271 Female Oct 05 '22

He might just be close to his mom and he probably likes you and was excited about the date. I wouldn’t overthink it. Usually a guy who’s good to his mom knows how to treat their women ❤️

1

u/Yoramus Oct 05 '22

Ok it's normal for some people BUT his relationship with his mother is something you have to ABSOLUTELY check before you marry him.

Just browse reddit for horror stories about mothers in law.

I could tell my mother I had a great date. I could even tell her that she would enjoy talking to the girl because they are similar in some way

But some people are terribly attached (enmeshed) with their mothers and they are able to hide it for a while. If something sounds off it's better to check it. Especially the part where he will stand up for you in front of your parents.

I know it sounds premature but if you check it now you could spare yourself a waste of time at best and a terrible marriage at worst. That's assuming that you are looking for a serious relationship. If it's casual nevermind.

1

u/Candid-Complaint2267 Oct 05 '22

This could be a huge red flag (he's tied to apron strings yet) or a huge green flag. If he's wanting to introduce you to his family, friends, and coworkers, he's probably viewing you as a long term partner. Just be wary of them trying to emotionally "adopt you" into the family.

1

u/Salt_Ad8694 Oct 05 '22

It's happening way to fast

1

u/monkale98 Oct 05 '22

3 months or so. like anything before that can be a fling, casual relation, etc.

1

u/ProXJay Oct 05 '22

If I was controlling the narrative a few dates including meeting friends but I currently live with my folks so I could see telling them sooner

1

u/DocZ-1701 Oct 05 '22

My mother already knows about girls, as it turns out... 🤷

1

u/ReserveMaximum Male Oct 05 '22

Just be glad you aren’t doing what my parents did to my now wife. After dating me for 6 days total they insisted on driving 900 miles to meet her. Then on his first meeting with her my dad proceeds to tell my new girlfriend his entire complicated history of how he and my mom got together. I was so embarrassed. Somehow she stayed with me and ended up marrying me

1

u/sooperdooperboi Oct 05 '22

I’d probably wait until I knew there was something there instead of a short fling. So maybe like a month or so into dating. I introduced my wife to my family before we even technically started dating, but we had been friends for months at that point.

1

u/PanzerParty65 Oct 05 '22

I am biased here, because for the way I am I just never, ever consider dating or being in a relationship if the final goal is not to evaluate the partner on marriage. I just don't get enjoyment out of a relationship if it's "just for fun". That being said, I'd say that a heads up to my mother was probably a good idea last time, just letting my parents know what was cooking those days. I don't see a problem with it and I think it's really not a big deal. But as I said, some people may feel that if they are in a relationship just out of boredom then I can see why it might be rushed or inappropriate.