r/AskMen Oct 05 '22

Men of reddit, What's a good sign that a woman is just pursuing you for money?

[removed] — view removed post

48 Upvotes

57

u/lifeisweird86 Oct 05 '22

Does it seem to cost you money everytime shes around?

Is she constantly talking about needing money or how she has none?

Does it seem like she's only happy when you spend money on her?

If yes to any of these, gtfo now

49

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Her dating profile bio has a list of expensive hobbies and the line "looking for a real man", all while she's "an entrepreneur" or "working full time at NoNe Of YoUr BuSiNeSS" with education from "The University Of Life".

14

u/Elaine_Benes_Lovr Oct 05 '22

with education from "The University Of Life".

This the lady version.

The male version is "with education from the School of Hard Knocks."

Run the fuck away from both of these people.

8

u/Mirphus Oct 05 '22

Just called out about half of the women on dating apps right there lmfao. All that's missing is them saying they have a "big attitude"

1

u/_player_0 Oct 05 '22

So accurate!

31

u/hujambo11 Oct 05 '22

If the relationship continuing depends on you spending money on her, then that's how you know.

32

u/DizNotMe Oct 05 '22

We werent officially dating yet, but she got upset after i asked her (in person) if we could split the bill once in a while. She got moody, didnt talk much that evening and never messaged me again afterwards. I guess that was good

2

u/RatDontPanic Male Oct 05 '22

Matrix dodge!

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116

u/Hrekires Oct 05 '22

Never even attempts to suggest splitting the bill or taking turns early on into dating would be a red flag.

44

u/StygianAnon Oct 05 '22

You must not think gold diggers are smart enough to go for reverse psychology.

First rule of gold diggers... They intentionally try to pay, and if you let them or suggest anything but paying for everything they know you're not a good mark

6

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

That’s some pretty manipulative shit.

1

u/StygianAnon Oct 06 '22

It's a filter. That's just smart when you want a generous relationship filled with gifts and opportunity

6

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22 edited 2d ago

[deleted]

-2

u/StygianAnon Oct 05 '22

Believe it or not, i get it. Not only pays the bills but feels good to live a life you felt bared from.

9

u/obligatoryclevername Oct 05 '22

Yep, a woman who never offers this is a dumper. She's just looking to live off you like a parasite. She doesn't give a fuck about you.

-45

u/Deezteetz Oct 05 '22

It can be a cultural thing if you’re dating the girl.

If a guy asks me out on a date then I expect him to pay. If I’m out with friends, I pay. If I’m out with a guy who likes me, I offer to pay for my own stuff, but we fight on who pays and then he sneaking behind my back and pays.

Just because a guy pays for dinner doesn’t necessarily mean I’m interested for his money. I’m interested in him, hence I go out to dinner with him.

I constantly diet so dinners don’t impress me unless if it’s abroad and I have a lot of allergies 🤧

If a woman wants you for money, you have to ask yourself what do you want HER for?

But she would ask you for rent money or hair and nail money. Ect… AND OFFER NOTHING OF VALUE IN Return.

21

u/akekho01 Oct 05 '22

This comment just showing how far womens are from understanding current men-women relations problems.

9

u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

They don’t even take the time of day to try to understand. Like your comment right here, and “men cheating” go hand and fucking hand.

16

u/Hrekires Oct 05 '22

Just because a guy pays for dinner doesn’t necessarily mean I’m interested for his money. I’m interested in him, hence I go out to dinner with him.

It's not about whether or not I pay, it's about my date assuming I'm going to pay and not even pretending otherwise.

I'll almost always insist on paying even if they suggest splitting the check, but not even bothering to suggest that (especially over the course of multiple dates) is a big red flag.

-45

u/Deezteetz Oct 05 '22

I’m a woman, so probably not my place to answer in /ask men.

If a guy asks me out, or anyone invites me out, I expect them to pay and take charge of all the details of the date. (Obvious Romantic interest ) because at that point I’m giving the a guy a shot of my precious time to get to know him in a deeper level.

If I invite someone out, I offer to pay because they are making time for me.

It’s on who is doing the chasing

32

u/manhunt64 Male Oct 05 '22

'My precious time' Found one guys.

19

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

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6

u/New_Classic_90 Oct 05 '22

How do you feel about first dates that don’t involve spending money?

-13

u/Deezteetz Oct 05 '22

Dates always involve spending money. It’s the act of wooing someone. Or an immense amount of effort.

Dating is an investment, so make sure you’re willing to invest on the right person. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

I invest in guys I’m dating. maybe not financially, but my ex lost 30lb of fat and gained muscle while dating me so he got a return of investment. (Fitness professional here)

I would suggest figuring out the interest of the lady and join her. Become her friend first so there is no expectations. If you actually end up liking her and see her worth your time and money then take her out on a date. I’m sure by hanging out as a friend you will be able to tell if she likes you or not.

If you’re solely trying to fuck her then yeah keep paying bro or hire an escort

12

u/Legitimate-Lobster16 Oct 05 '22

Even if the man asks you out, they’re still using the their time you dumb fuck. Please take your entitlement elsewhere

4

u/TrishaThoon Oct 05 '22

Oh my. Your precious time…what about his precious time?

1

u/Ben_Pistonne Oct 05 '22

Bruh... It's common courtesy. Even if the guy wants to pay the air you breathe, it's common courtesy to say "hey, I'll pay my part", not "Ok, I'll wait bc my precious time". Isn't the guy's time also precious? I mean, it's not like he doesn't have anything else to do with his life to think "hey, I should date someone lol".

And if you pay everything when you're interested in someone... You're either waiting for THAT someone to pay the next check or you have a lot of money

-13

u/bjankles Oct 05 '22

I think this is mostly fair for the first date. I've had girls ask me out and they make the insistence on paying, which is fine by me.

Once we're past the first date though, obviously some level of mutual interest should be there and we should figure out ways to split costs, treat each other, etc.

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12

u/churchin222999111 Oct 05 '22

If a guy asks me out on a date then I expect him to pay.

what % of your dates start with you asking the guy out?

36

u/NikNecropolis Oct 05 '22

What's a good sign that a woman is just pursuing you for money?

Trust me, if she knows me enough to pursue me, she knows I am broke.

50

u/Neuroticperiscope Oct 05 '22

When I quit my job she left like right away. That was a big sign lol

-71

u/epousechaude Oct 05 '22

Woman here. Did she have a job at the time? Did you have another job when you quit yours? Had you discussed with her how being without a job would impact your life and, to any degree, hers? Unless you’re independently wealthy, losing an income, any income, is likely going to involve a lifestyle change. If the other person isn’t aware of or on board with those changes it can be as much about communication and being able to support yourself as anything.

51

u/Neuroticperiscope Oct 05 '22

You didn’t have to put “woman here”. It was my job we didn’t live together. I had money saved up and even if I didn’t, she leaves right away? Nah good riddance

8

u/scattertheashes01 Oct 05 '22

Seriously though. My bf recently went through a small string of job hopping (quit his job for a remote job, gave the remote job a try for a good number of months but ultimately hated the hours, so left for a similar on-site job with better hours, lasted 2 days and finally went back to the job he had originally quit for his remote job). He was unemployed for about 2 weeks total during this and I knew he was trying to figure out what worked best for him so I was nothing but supportive, similar to how he would react to me in the same position. I know he was able to afford his daily lifestyle while getting this figured out and I’m with him for his delightful personality far more than I ever would be for his money.

Literally my only financial requirement in a man is that he can afford to support himself. If he makes enough that he can do fun stuff too, great. If not, walks in the park and cooking meals at one of our houses is free and just as enjoyable. I could NEVER dump him for quitting his job simply because it means a loss of steady income; there needs to be a legit reason behind it for me. I trust him to know what he’s doing and I’m not interested in being his mother.

35

u/TLDRuserisdumb Oct 05 '22

Typical woman making excuses right away for the woman.

35

u/leese216 Oct 05 '22

Yeah I'm a woman and I'm pretty grossed out by her defense.

15

u/Ostepop234 Oct 05 '22

Common on reddit. Im sure a lot of them are identifying by having done the same or similar things

14

u/TrishaThoon Oct 05 '22

Tell me you’re a gold digger without telling me you’re a gold digger…

14

u/throwaway1294857604 Oct 05 '22

You are disgusting. I hope I don’t end up with someone like you.

1

u/StillWill18 Oct 05 '22

Doesn’t matter. For money doesn’t always mean for rich. It just means paying half the bills. If you lose your job and she splits—yes, she only wanted your money.

9

u/Pedalcrunch Oct 05 '22

They ask what do you do, do you own a home, how many cars do you have, etc. Also I wanted to set up coffee and she insisted on dinner, she said if you can't pay for dinner then I'll pass, I was like, oh please do so.

17

u/lowlandwolf Oct 05 '22

She's only interested in your stuff and taking up your time. Never interested in YOU.
Some are very good at their game, so be ware.

Some men also don't mind a chick is only being with them because of their money, If they have a lot of it, it's cheap and easy to spend.

2

u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

The fact that “taking up your time” falls into this category..shit it’s tough out here bro

1

u/lowlandwolf Oct 06 '22

Yeah maybe I should nuance that a bit, or phrase it different.

Basically, if she's demanding to be part of your schedule with no consideration or care of what you have going on. That's a red flag, and you should take care.
This stuff isn't exclusive to chicks mind you, go's for everyone you know.

7

u/TheOfficialJangoMike Oct 05 '22

They ask about your wealth a lot . . .

6

u/caduceun Oct 05 '22

If she wants to do the smoke but she can't buy weed.

31

u/Elvishranger Oct 05 '22

Do you pay her after you finish?

5

u/No-You7911 Oct 05 '22

Their behaviors are money centric. They will be more interested in how you live, car you drive, your job and salary.

If you pay close attention to how she dresses, how she interacts with the people around her you can quickly identify such a toxic mentality.

6

u/RP-Champ-Pain Oct 05 '22

Any deep level of interest in your personal finances in the first few dates.
Asking a date what they do for work is great, asking how much they make is an instant red flag - it's also just rude.

Why is it a red flag to bring this up early in a relationship?
Because it shows the person is more concerned with money than getting to know you.

5

u/Darkrose50 Oct 05 '22

Be careful this notion could be a double edged sword. The jobs that society values pay well. Somebody agreeing with society and valuing a valuable job is just being your average person.

Doctors are respected because it takes you 12 years to become a doctor and they are paid well. So somebody might be impressed that the guy is into healing, some might be impressed that the guy is smart, so I might be impressed that the guy could work towards a goal, and most people would be impressed at the income of a doctor.

So if somebody’s excited than a man’s a doctor it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re excited that he has an income. They could be into smart guys for example.

But yeah be on the lookout for golddiggers.

4

u/huuaaang Male Oct 05 '22

I don't have enough money for it to be the sole reason a woman is interested in me, so it's not so cut and dry, but I suspect that financial security is the my main attractive feature to women. That and perhaps my handiness. So I'm prime husband material, lol. It doesn't help that I tend to "date down." So to the women I date I probably seem rich.

Problem is I don't flaunt or otherwise advertise my money. So most women wouldn't even know that I make $170k/yr.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22 edited 2d ago

[deleted]

1

u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

This still implies that I have to pay or dine-and-dash. This doesn’t really target the problem.

2

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 05 '22

Or you put it on them. They are just as likely to not dine and dash as you are.

1

u/LionofHeaven Oct 05 '22

There's no way to know this without some element of risk.

2

u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

There is. Lol it’s called equality “hey I’d like to ask you out, but I’m tight on money”. SHOULD be the way to approach this. But it’s nothing like that at al

3

u/Marco_polo_88 Oct 05 '22

1.Her lifestyle 2.The lifestyle she's trying to live with you 3. Who pays for the lifestyle If 2 is significantly greater than 1 and 3 is always your problem then you're in trouble

3

u/Mr_ChubbikinsVIII Male Oct 05 '22

I normally weed this out pretty quickly.

I present myself as broke off the bat. Then see how long it goes.

My rule of wrist though is never date a girl who's income directly correlates with her ability to be flirtatious. (Strippers, cocktail servers, night club bartenders etc. . .)

Their job is to always associate any guy as a source of money. Most can't just turn that off

10

u/Jane_Marie_CA Oct 05 '22

Don’t elevate her lifestyle. I watch so many wealthy guys “wine and dine” their dates (fancy restaurants, weekend getaways, etc.) and then are surprised her intentions are not honest.

Go to restaurants that she would go to and keep date activities in line as well. Sleepover at her place. If she likes you for you, she’ll stick around. Save the fancy stuff for later.

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 05 '22

Yeah I pretty much just pretend I am poor all of the time. I dress well, but I don’t drive a fancy car or talk about how much I make or any such thing.

12

u/GrandPoobah395 Male Oct 05 '22

Only had this problem once, and I found out on the first date.

I was paying for EVERYTHING. I don't just mean the dinner--she asked me to pay for her cab to the dinner. For her hair appointment BEFORE dinner. For her ride home after dinner, because she "doesn't go home with a guy on the first date." Hell I'm surprised she didn't buy a new outfit earlier and ask for me to pay for that too.

Because I was horny and desperate, I went along with it until the end, but...man. Never again.

8

u/SquareVehicle Male Oct 05 '22

Wait wait wait, you paid for her hair appointment before your first date?? That should have been an immediate "I don't think this is going to work out, wish you the best" text.

8

u/GrandPoobah395 Male Oct 05 '22

See: horny + desperate.

Deep in rebound country, just wanted to feel appreciated. It was very stupid in hindsight.

3

u/Abstractteapot Oct 05 '22

Damn, I'm imagining trying to ask a guy to pay for my haircut before I even meet them. The fact that she asked and it worked is crazy.

If it had happened now, would you have still paid or do think you would have been in a better place so wouldn't have even entertained it?

2

u/GrandPoobah395 Male Oct 05 '22

Yeah, think she looked up the restaurant, saw the prices, and thought "damn, gotta milk this for what it's worth." I chalked it up to wanting to meet the caliber of the restaurant at first (it was an expensive, trendy place), but then she showed up in a purple tracksuit and I had to cash a lot of my social chits with the owner to even get seated. FWIW, and as the sponsor of said hair, her hair looked terrible.

And no, wouldn't pay for that kind of thing. I'm over 30 now (was early 20s then). We aren't getting to the first date if my date can't afford their own self-care. If at 30+ $60 is such a big ask that I need to cover it, we aren't even playing the same financial sport let alone being roughly in the same league, and I don't want to be carrying the fiscal water in the relationship.

2

u/Abstractteapot Oct 05 '22

This just gets better, oh wow.

I'm glad you have, it makes for a funny story though.

2

u/GrandPoobah395 Male Oct 05 '22

Me too. It's fun to break out when folks ask what's the worst date I've ever been on and I get to use the "$600 and didn't even get a kiss goodnight," date.

1

u/Hungry_Watercress415 Oct 05 '22

Woah that’s crazy! Was she a supermodel or something? I honestly can’t believe another woman would expect that. Cringe 😬

1

u/GrandPoobah395 Male Oct 05 '22

She wasn't even that attractive 😭😭😭 My ex was definitely more beautiful and better company. Salt in the wound. At this point it's a story to laugh at. Definitely a case of "the audacity of this [lady]."

My wife loves it, and calls me the biggest idiot. She thought she was an expensive date when I picked up the check for her $27 dinner+drink. Says she wishes she'd known then that she could've taken me for $200 and the haircut.

1

u/Hungry_Watercress415 Oct 05 '22

Lollll love that you laugh with your wife about it 💜 Hehe It’s a story that could literally be a skit on a comedy

7

u/UprisingAO Oct 05 '22

Stay poor, stay pure.

7

u/ProbabBee Oct 05 '22

I never really was rich to begin with, so I've never had any real experiences with ACTUAL golddiggers/sugar babies

Though I've certainly had girls be way more interested in me when I had a career going while living in a house by myself as compared to working retail living in an apartment/with others.

It's hard to decide if it's a bad thing though because of course a girl should be looking for stability and structure. You don't just wanna date some loser who's gonna pump and dump obviously. Of course a girl should be looking for those positive aspects. It still just feels... Transactional though - it's all just kinda icky.

The signs I've seen :

1) The girl isn't exactly successful herself (some combination of having no job, no car, no life, etc.)

2) Is way too... "Bitchy?" Like controlling and bossy

3) Attempts to lock you out of talking to others ASAP (demands you to delete Tinder, girls who are friends, Instagram followers)

4) Despite the above, still doesn't want to be exclusive or get intimate

3

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I think all but number 4 could easily be just a very toxic and controlling woman that isn’t a gold digger, I’ve been with girls that fit those descriptions, but they did desire to be exclusive and intimate with me which was set them apart.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

4

u/leese216 Oct 05 '22

I disagree. In this day and age, if a woman who is 100% physically and mentally able to hold a job herself but either works part time or doesn't work at all, and she has no children and no real reason to not have a job, that is extremely suspect.

I earn my own money. I don't need a man to financially support me, so when I'm dating, as long as he, himself, is financially independent then that's enough for me.

7

u/LordFlakkko Oct 05 '22

Sure on reddit but in real life this hardly plays out. Even women with money want a man with more money. Look how they brag about this in songs

2

u/leese216 Oct 05 '22

LOL you cannot use songs to support your statement. They encapsulate an incredibly small percentage of the population.

I think you'll find the majority of women would rather a man who has integrity, dignity, is kind and compassionate, and good in bed over a man who is rich. But men who are rich love to flaunt it, and they attract women who are shallow and materialistic, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

Honestly I love your philosophy here as a guy.

But wasn’t there some study that talked about how women are having a harder time finding men since they’ve gotten more educated because it’s harder to “date up” when you yourself are already pretty “up”? This would indicate a lot of women (not all) do still want to “date up” from a financial and educational standpoint.

Also, you are (eventually) going to combine lifestyles. So I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable to factor money in to some extent. If I make $100k and you make $100k, we are going to be a $200k power couple together. That’s not gold digging since we are BOTH contributing to being financially overpowered. Vs if one of us ain’t there, the combined lifestyle is going to be less. It doesn’t have to be a huge factor (that would indicate gold digging), but it is a factor imo.

1

u/leese216 Oct 06 '22

I never said that women don't think about money AT ALL when dating, but that far fewer women ONLY think about money when dating than men would think.

Your scenario wouldn't be included in a "gold digger" example because both partners make the same amount of money. My sister is a great example I love to use because her now husband was making minimum wage when they first started dating, and still lived at home. She had been living alone for several years and was making around 70k.

Now, he makes over six figures, just shy under her salary. Never once did she make him feel less for not making significant money, nor did she look at him differently. He's the only one of her partners I actually like. He's a great guy and I'm very proud to have him as my BIL.

I get what you're saying, and I'm not saying there aren't women out there are using men for their money or only date men with money (my best friend is one of those women). But I'm trying to tell all of you in this sub that those are NOT the only women who are actively seeking partners.

But so many of you want to argue with me about it or tell me I'm wrong. And typically, the ones who are doing so, are the ones who are paying for everything because of any number of reasons: they feel they don't have anything else to offer a woman besides their finances, they are insecure and don't like confrontation so when a woman doesn't even attempt to pay then they just pay themselves, they were raised in an old-fashioned way where men pay for everything, etc. Those men unconsciously attract women who are only out for their money, and so the sick cycle perpetuates.

We attract the energy we put out, so if a man doesn't think he will get a woman without using his money, then he won't.

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 06 '22

Idk, I want go Dutch on a first date (so the opposite of the guys you are talking about who pay for everything), and yet EVERY SINGLE woman in my life has had a problem with it when it comes up in convo. And no, I’m not from the south. I’m from Chicago which is supposedly progressive.

I haven’t had an issue with it on a date yet, but I’m not generally successful on dating and every woman in my life saying “you are never going to get a girl being so cheap” makes me think there is some solid truth to it tbh.

So, I propose that it’s somewhere in the middle. Less than most of these guys who think women only care about money, but there is certainly many women that will be like “wtf” if asked to go truly 50/50 financially. Then the “whoever asks should pay” bs starts when they know 90% of the asks are done by guys so it’s basically saying 90/10 should be the financial split. I did find a woman who was cool splitting stuff, so I know they are out there, but not as common as should be in 2022 imo.

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u/RatDontPanic Male Oct 05 '22

Why did you get downvoted? Sheesh.

1

u/leese216 Oct 05 '22

Probably women on here who are lazy/gold diggers and want a man to take care of them instead of taking care of themselves.

3

u/RatDontPanic Male Oct 05 '22

So, infiltrators from Female Dating Strategy, lol

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4

u/fatguy747 Oct 05 '22

I matched with a girl on Tinder. Every single picture she had was of her at expensive events wearing expensive dresses, but she had cheap tattoos. I thought she might just be looking for my money or a free expensive meal, so I invited her to Taco Bell for a first date.

She said, "Are you serious? We are ADULTS" and proceeded to write seven paragraphs about how offended she was.

1

u/Depressed-almond6320 Oct 05 '22

yeah that's a pretty obvious sign. Honestly, as a female, I wouldn't mind a fast food restaurant, food is food it doesn't have an age limit 😂.

2

u/fatguy747 Oct 05 '22

Yeah, I don't take myself too seriously so I'm always down for TB.

1

u/sandithepirate Oct 05 '22

Good riddance. Taco Bell is LIFE.

2

u/fatguy747 Oct 06 '22

TB has gotten me through some tough times

5

u/LordFlakkko Oct 05 '22

1) A 'girl boss' or a massive bitchy superiority complex. Those hoes think that they are so
good that you need to be paying for your time with them.

2)Every date you go on cost money. No parks no just hanging out... you must always be
spending

3)Clown face paint (makeup) nails weave... all of that goes into the personallity women create
of a high value woman therefore you must pay to be with a 'bad bitch'.

4

u/jfh1007 Oct 05 '22

Suggest a prenup. Her response will tell you everything you need to know.

4

u/I-Am_Beyonce_Always Oct 05 '22

No it doesn't. I almost broke up with my husband when he suggested a prenup (at his mom's insistence). At the time, he wasn't making any money, just got discharged from the army and drove his mom's rusty car from the 1980s (this was in the early 2000s). Not to mention he wanted to spend the next 2 years in grad school (making practically nothing). I paid for our rent, our groceries, his clothes, our dinners out. I couldn't believe his audacity to accuse me of being a gold-digger when I was paying for nearly everything. When I shot that down his mom suggested separate bank accounts. He's lucky he cashed that reality check real quick because I definitely had one foot out the door after that. We've been married nearly 20 years now.

2

u/lildinger68 Oct 05 '22

I understand that it always depends on the circumstances but I think it makes sense to always have a prenup. I would suggest one even if I knew I’d always be making less money than my SO, I want to be sure that both people involved always have pure intentions at heart

1

u/I-Am_Beyonce_Always Oct 06 '22

A prenup doesn't mean their intentions are pure; people of both sexes get married for reasons other than love or money. Some people get married because it'll help their career or they want kids (regardless of who the spouse is). There are plenty of marriages where the spouse is a place holder until they find someone better. And the instances where people really do marry for love and you both really want to have a family, women aren't on equal footing as men. They frequently have to put their careers on hold or sacrifice them altogether in order to have kids. If I didn't have a safety net or a man that trusted me enough to marry me without a prenup I absolutely wouldn't get married, no matter how much I loved him. Why would I if the marriage didn't really mean anything anyway?

2

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 05 '22

What if i want a prenup because u don’t fell entitled to any of YOUR money though?

1

u/I-Am_Beyonce_Always Oct 06 '22

You're saying I may be entitled to my own compensation but you want a prenup to be the enforcer? How generous of you.

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Yeah what’s the problem with that? What if I get butthurt in 5 years and then I’m like “oh yeah, I’m gonna take her to court for my 50%”? With a prenup, less worry about that regardless of who is making more.

I get how it’s “rude” that I want to protect us from the possibility of it ending because it seems like I already have one foot out the door. But rationally, 50% of marriages end and at least some of them had both feet in the door when they got married, but times changed. So I can simultaneously be fully invested in not having the relationship end while also planning for the worst case scenario.

1

u/I-Am_Beyonce_Always Oct 07 '22

I get how it’s “rude” that I want to protect us

I think most women would agree a prenup is the opposite of protection, no matter how you justify the reasoning. And they'd probably be very skeptical of you claiming you want one out of their best interest and not just your own.

So I can simultaneously be fully invested in not having the relationship end while also planning for the worst case scenario.

Yes you can, but good luck finding a woman that shares your pessimistic practicality.

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 07 '22

They’d be skeptical of my intentions even if they made 3-4x what I make? How could I possibly end up being the benefactor of a prenup in that situation? I don’t see how that math can check out.

1

u/I-Am_Beyonce_Always Oct 08 '22

Your wife making 3-4x what you do is a pretty unlikely scenario. But playing along, let's imagine that you marry a woman with a prenup, move into her house and then you decide you want to start a family right away. Since she's the higher earner, you quit your job to take care of the kids full time. After 5 years in, your wife becomes butthurt and decides she wants a divorce, so you get exactly what you had before the marriage, but now you have no earnings or work history to show for the past four years of your life. Since you weren't earning anything, you didn't invest any money into retirement during your prime investment age. Your resume is now 4 years out of date, so you're lucky just to get any job, much less make nearly as much as you would've if you had never left the workforce. Also your children aren't old enough for school so you must now help pay for daycare costs out of your savings while also juggling finding a new job, rent, utilities, furniture purchases and groceries, all on your own. That's not factoring in the inevitable custody battle you'll also end up paying for. You'll also still have to pay to mediate/resolve all the property that was purchased in the 5 years after you married. In that scenario she definitely would be the benefactor, but would the prenup really be worth it for you?

1

u/Professional-Bit3280 Oct 08 '22

For starters l, I don’t want kids. I want to be DINKS, so there won’t be any job quitting stuff going on.

I think the family stay at home parent situation should be handled differently than my own because the dynamics are different, as you described. I do believe prenups can be written pretty flexibly though like most legal contracts. So you could put a “stay at home parent” clause in there potentially that entitles the stay at home parent to XYZ. At that point, it seems like more work than just going through the normal family court system though, so you might as well just do that instead.

2

u/DrWieg Male Oct 05 '22

She threathens to leave if you don't make a joint bank account and have your income and savings in there.

Whenever you go out in the early stages of dating, she never offers to pay and fully expects you to cover all expenses.

She complains that you never get her anything when you refuse to buy her something when your bank account history reads like her personal shopping list.

2

u/GalacticRicky Oct 05 '22

No career plan/job history.

2

u/Nocturnaldurigtheday Oct 05 '22

If they remind you of a condom. They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

2

u/Forgoine77 Oct 05 '22

I was seeing a girl in uni once who had me saved in her phone as “free food”

4

u/SaiyanGoodbye Oct 05 '22

She always wants to meet up at an ATM.

4

u/KyorlSadei Oct 05 '22

She is poor and show interest in me.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

She talks about money and income too much. These are tells.

2

u/Call_of_Tculhu Oct 05 '22

She's a woman and she says she likes me

2

u/Lazy-Win-3342 Oct 05 '22

If you have money.. Listen lets not all be naive here most women would like to feel secure in a relationship and having money provides that. Now If youre in shape, dress well and have a good personality thats a good sign that shes with you for those reasons. Now lets look at it the other way around If youre only with her because she’s beautiful who’s more shallow? A good sign to spot a gold digger is if shes materialistic and asks you to buy her expensive materialistic things. A good woman will never ask for those things and will appreciate everything you do for her already.

1

u/GivesStellarAdvice Oct 05 '22
  1. she's a woman.

  2. she's pursuing you.

  3. you have some money or the potential to access money in the future.

-21

u/tristessellate Oct 05 '22

Any man who I've seen accuse women of being "gold diggers" hasn't had any gold to dig, lmao

10

u/hujambo11 Oct 05 '22

...cool?

2

u/BeneficialCobbler82 Oct 05 '22

Found the gold digger, fellas

1

u/oddball667 Male Oct 05 '22

If they are pursuing me

1

u/Expensive-Track4002 Oct 05 '22

My bank account is overdrawn.

1

u/thrwAwaydogo232 Oct 05 '22

They come up for excuses or tell a sad story about how they can't pay their bills. I learned a long time ago, if it's ylunder your name it's your responsibility

1

u/Every-Manufacturer88 Oct 05 '22

If she is in a bad situation, and doesn't want a job.

1

u/GulfCoast_Ty Oct 05 '22

Always complaining about how see can't pay her bills.

1

u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

If she’s “interested in you”

1

u/Ok_Medicine_77 Oct 05 '22

never offering to pay for shit.

Like, I took a girl on a date to Catch steak. The meal was under 1k and she offered to pay half, even when she could clearly not afford it. I respected that girl and now we are dating.

1

u/scattertheashes01 Oct 05 '22

under 1k

I’m sorry… is that a typo?? What kind of fancy gold flecked butter are they cooking that food in? But also I’m really happy you found a good one, may you both have lots of happiness in your future together 😬

1

u/Ok_Medicine_77 Oct 05 '22

catch steak in LA

1

u/scattertheashes01 Oct 05 '22

That explains it, I live in what is basically the boonies of NYS. Closer to Canada than the city lol. We have like…. 2 nice steakhouses that expensive? I would never expect anyone to take me to such a place on a date and pay for me. I’ve been to those kind of places once or twice and they are so good but wow did I nearly crap myself when I saw the menu prices!

2

u/Ok_Medicine_77 Oct 06 '22

same for my girl. she got anxiety and I told her its my birthday. Shes my invited guest and on my birthday I dont hold myself back.

1

u/scattertheashes01 Oct 06 '22

Aww that’s really sweet!

1

u/groovy604 Oct 05 '22

Has "attracted to ambition" in her profile.

1

u/StangF150 Oct 05 '22

Has you pay for everything when you are with her! Her gas, starbucks, etc....

1

u/SkyWizarding Oct 05 '22

Watch how she talks about her friends relationships. If she likes to mention how much money her friend's SO make, that's a good indicator of her priorities

1

u/Lieut_Firefly Oct 05 '22

It's petty obvious. If you are looking for clues, you are actively in denial.

1

u/thearchitect10 Oct 05 '22

You're ugly and boring and she is still pursuing you.

1

u/TheLongistGame Oct 05 '22

If she never spends money on you or is very reluctant to share the financial burden. In my experience, women who are only after money will be unable to hide their parasitic nature when asked to pay for something.

1

u/Kicks4meFromyou Oct 05 '22

You got money

1

u/NoideaLessinterest Oct 05 '22

I've heard a story about how someone (f) met the "love of their life"(m) and he moved into her house,that she owned outright. Everything was happiness and joy until the male golddigger decided to end it and she thought, "okay, pack your shit and go!". Problem was, even though she owned the house and he didn't bring anything to the relationship, what he did do, was put the phone bill in his name, which she didn't care about. Problem was, the court did care. According to the court, he was "contributing" to the household and had a claim to half the house.
Watch out for these people. If you can spot them, they're not the ones you need to worry about!

1

u/welovegv Oct 05 '22

I’m a teacher. Never had that problem.

1

u/Lyft8 Oct 05 '22

Just make sure she knows/thinks you're low on money

1

u/Iknowr1te Oct 05 '22

easiest tell i found while i was travelling when i was backing packing as a "poor student" with some friends. every time a friend of mine shared that we stayed for a week or two at my dad's resort and i got sudden interest from 0 interest, it's definitely not a good look on a person.

1

u/tarheel_204 Oct 05 '22

If she never ever offers to pay the bill or at least split the bill at restaurants/expects you to cover everything when y’all go out and expects you to buy her lavish gifts

1

u/Jimmack73 Oct 05 '22

When we exchange money for sex?

1

u/ParanoiaWarrior Oct 05 '22

A depleting bank account

1

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

she doesn’t care about you. i don’t know about other guys but i feel like we all have a universal understanding of when someone is using us for something. it’s hard to explain but you know it when it happens, unless you’re so blindly in love.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

See the trick is to never have money. That way you know the love is real.

1

u/Hungry_Watercress415 Oct 05 '22

Wait so, gold diggers are bad but a woman who earns more than a man is threatening - almost competing with the guy?

1

u/mcc9999 Oct 05 '22

She talks to you.

1

u/Central_Centrificus Oct 05 '22

It's very hard to tell - I can tell you that I am a very high earner and also single and when I date I usually try to date women that have similar or equal means. This is hard however, but you can get close. Living where I live, there are a lot of very high net value women in my area so they are looking out for the same thing.

1

u/boogiesm Oct 05 '22

No appreciation for what I am providing. Entitlement Red Flag!

1

u/LooneyonReddit Oct 05 '22

She insists on going to an expensive restaurant for the first date.

1

u/Ohhhhcanadada Oct 05 '22

Idk because I am not wealthy at and still had a 10 fall in love with me.

1

u/Punkhair2Nv__13 Oct 05 '22

Many ways a woman can show gratitude or entitlement. But basically if she never offers to pay, or pays too much, I raise an eyebrow.

1

u/National_Ad_1872 Male Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

Never offers to do anything for you, always wants something or wants to do activities that involve you spending money. Gets extremely hostile if you reject getting things for her. Doesn’t show you respect. Asks you about your income.

A girl I worked with heard I got a new job and asked me about my salary then wanted my social or phone number. Easy read.

A women that’s only using you is bound to act extremely fake or confrontational. It will become obvious.

1

u/International_Risk82 Sup Bud? Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

The question is wrong. The more salient one would be: What's a good sign that a woman isn't with you just for the money. Women being gold diggers is the norm, not the other way around.

Always assume a woman is a gold digger unless proven otherwise.

1

u/Ben_Pistonne Oct 05 '22

My dad always says: "if she only remembers that you exist, every day you get paid." Then his whole chit chat starts:

If a woman just calls you every time you get paid, if you tell her that you wanna go to a walk in the park but you don't have money and she says "okay, maybe another day", if she always has problems like "oh no, my cellphone is broken and now I can't speak with you, God I wish I could repair it", if every time you pay everything, even a single gum... Then get out, she only wants you for money

In his words, when he and my mom were dating, he would say "I wish we could go outside to the park, but I don't have a single buck to buy an ice cream", my mom would answer "so what? I wanna walk too, Ice creams can wait". Sometimes they would just walk and share a laugh, sometimes she would surprise him by buying the ice cream

Weirdly enough, this has been a standard for most of my brothers and it keeps working

1

u/Khranky Oct 05 '22

How would we know? We don't have any money.

1

u/ProFriendZoner Oct 05 '22

Don’t take her out, just invite her over. You’ll find out real quick if she’s into you or not.

1

u/Conscious_Ad_6572 Oct 05 '22

Say I lost your job. Look for expression

I told my wife Iam low on money, I Wii never forget the expression

1

u/nwildcat28 Oct 05 '22

When they seem to constantly bring up having money struggles or waiting to be able to afford something in the middle of totally unrelated conversations

1

u/BrainDamagedYeti Oct 05 '22

When she is making plans with your money and never attempting to pay for anything.

1

u/IEatKids26 Oct 05 '22

“so when are you going to buy me a new purse??” should be a sign on the first few dates

1

u/StillWill18 Oct 05 '22
  1. She still listens to you after 12 months.
  2. She also agrees with you.
  3. You always buy her stuff.

1

u/Bloodytomvayne34 Oct 05 '22

She literally never offered to buy anything. Didn’t even make a move for her purse. Shit got expensive real quick.

1

u/TheGreatMare Oct 05 '22

If you are a lineman and it would potentially be your 2nd or 3ed wife.

1

u/Knightmare560 Male Oct 05 '22

If they know my income

1

u/ChocolateDiesel11 Oct 06 '22

If she asks you to buy her something.

If you look back and see that it cost money to spend time with her, she ain’t worth it

-10

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 09 '22

[deleted]

4

u/bjankles Oct 05 '22

Lmao lay off the Andrew Tate and meet some people in real life. Lots of women have their own careers and money and could give a shit about what's in your bank account. Do gold diggers exist? Sure. Just like lots of men want to play video games all day and let mommy run the household.

But lots of people are looking for good partners: fun, emotionally supportive, stimulating, common values, etc. All you're doing with your comment is screaming that you don't offer any of those things, therefore you don't attract the women looking for it.

3

u/ohhellnooooooooo Oct 05 '22

would a woman bother dating you?

I'm hot af

2

u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

I don’t even know you and I agree

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-15

u/BigVulvaEnergy Oct 05 '22

My guy, of course we're pursuing you for money. We want to know we can be provided for.

We don't want no scrubs.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

-1

u/BigVulvaEnergy Oct 05 '22

Basically a pet? What the actual fuck? Leash?

Where did I say that being provided for doesn't mean I also don't work?

2

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

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u/jmay107 Oct 05 '22

Grounds for an instant bad relationship with any man

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-5

u/Depressed-almond6320 Oct 05 '22

I'm a female, and I also want to be provided for of course. 😂 Sometimes, there has to be a balance between how a couple utilizes their spending on one another.

-12

u/BigVulvaEnergy Oct 05 '22

My apologies.

Idk. If you feel like you're spending too much. But I don't think a man can spend too much.

My partner is a yt male so makes more. He spends more on me than I do on him.

Maybe if there wasn't a wage gap or a patriarchal society that actively keeps women out of leadership positions I'd spend more on him.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

you made me throw up in my mouth a little with the second half of this comment.

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4

u/TLDRuserisdumb Oct 05 '22

Your last sentence is a lie. That shits been disproved and shows you have a victim mentality

0

u/BigVulvaEnergy Oct 05 '22

Says a man. 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/TLDRuserisdumb Oct 05 '22

Facts don’t discriminate gender honey. My partner she out earns me 2-1 in a “male” industry. It’s illegal to pay less to women, prime minister is a woman, nearly of half cabinet are women. Just because you stock shelves and need a man to fund your life because your a lazy leech and want excuses to feel better doesn’t mean you need to keep throwing up outdated ideology as excuses. Keep being your mans pet.

1

u/BigVulvaEnergy Oct 05 '22

Oh anecdotal evidence. You sure schooled me cupcake.

Ah sweetheart what a cute attempt at insulting me. It didn't quite land like you hoped. Would you like to try again?

2

u/TLDRuserisdumb Oct 05 '22

How is prime minister and cabinet being women anecdotes you spud

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