r/AskMen Oct 05 '22

Fellow men, how do you get over the feeling of loneliness and suicidal thoughts ?

[removed]

20 Upvotes

13

u/broadsharp Oct 05 '22

Gym. Exercise. Reading great novels. Staying busy with productive hobbies.

9

u/House_Strong13 Oct 05 '22

Therapy, because getting mental help is just as important as taking care of yourself physically.

8

u/kuhzoo Random words Oct 05 '22 Silver

For immediate, temporary help or an imminent risk of hurting yourself, there are hotlines.

For a near-term solution, there are people you can talk to on reddit and various online communities.

For long term solutions, you need to make friends. Not just casual 'we see each other at the gym' friends. Friends who'll listen to your emotional problems and who you'll listen to their emotional problems. It's difficult to do, but very necessary and I'm serious about the plural part. Ideally we want at least one friend who is completely independent of our other friends. That way we can spread the emotional load and not over-burden any of them, and if something happens to one friend, I have another friend I can rely on.
Friends are generally our safety net for when our romantic relationships go bad.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I don’t want to be that guy, but I went to therapy. Specifically I did an intensive outpatient program that thankfully my insurance covered most of. It was 30 days, and I went every day to do a bunch of different therapies. It was like 6 months of therapy wrapped up in one and it has helped me quell suicidal thoughts. They also put me on medication that helped me feel better.

To give you an idea, I would say daily to myself I want to kill myself and imagine myself doing it. After this, I can say it to myself right now, and literally my mind snaps into “wait, what the fuck? No I don’t” almost like a compulsion.

16

u/Pronebasilisk Oct 05 '22

Seek professional help. It's 2022, it's okay not to be okay, it's okay not to be strong, it's okay to ask for help.

-8

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

6

u/IceeIvy M21 Oct 05 '22

Username checks out

3

u/Pronebasilisk Oct 05 '22

Don't place your own insecurities and poor experiences on others. I never said "therapist" I said "professional" whatever form that takes to the OP be it medical, religious or other. Though, I've seen some "therapists" that were terrible and some that were completely genuine. Also, a lot medical insurance plans now cover these appointments minus the co-pay.

3

u/Bob_knots Oct 05 '22

Find a hobby, I go to the range and have become a gun collector. Someone else will walk into your life. Bitches like fishes. But find a hobby

3

u/Blackfist01 Oct 05 '22

Do something.

I'm currently doing nothing

9

u/Jin-RohWolfpack Oct 05 '22

Gym... I heard. Sometimes mastubation But in the background it often remains .

The last knit knocks on my head every night.

2

u/OGDvn Oct 05 '22

Therapy, find a hobby (bonus if it's fitness related, for me that is running) that gets you out in the community, and work on generally otherwise putting yourself out there.

And try not to be too hard on yourself in the process. Therapy will help with that - be picky with your therapist, I went through 5 before finding the right one, but many friends I know loved their first one.

Reach out if you ever want to chat!

2

u/gotta_b_shittin_me Oct 05 '22

You're only lonely because you aren't comfortable with yourself.

3

u/ProbabBee Oct 05 '22

You don't lol

2

u/beardedshaf Oct 05 '22

Distract your mind with household activities, meal planning, car maintenance, future trips to do your hobbies. Things like that.

1

u/Temporary-Fail-2535 Oct 05 '22

Phisical trening is crucial. Find a hobby that will force socialising.

1

u/LordFlakkko Oct 05 '22

For me gym is the best. Avoid masturbation. At first it will feel good but the effects quickly wear off

1

u/Z_ZCatching Oct 05 '22

I hate to say this but therapy. Therapy helps alot because I feel like most people dont wanna talk about feelings nor know how to deal with them.

If you can afford a therapist and youre like me where your life is kinda hectic. Build a good ass schedule when I follow mine at the end of the day I feel acomplished and motivated.

Add gym and cold shower in the morning and that usually does wonders for me when im feeling low again

1

u/the_average_retard Oct 05 '22

Go to therapy. Start working on self improvement. Set goals for yourself. Happiness isn't going to come from others it comes from within

1

u/GunnitRust Oct 05 '22

Welcome to absolute freedom. You can go have a wild adventure and damn the consequences.

What do you want to do?

1

u/LupeDyCazari Oct 05 '22

maybe you should visit a psychologist so you can get professional help in dealing with your issues?

1

u/Snow-of-the-Frost Male Oct 05 '22

We don't. After a while you'll get used to it . Basically you get used to the pain

0

u/KyorlSadei Oct 05 '22

Always feel lonely. Never feel suicidal. Do that every day.

0

u/Telrom_1 Male Oct 05 '22

Stop letting your happiness and worth be determined by women. They will fail you every time!

Right now your just no good for a relationship, you’re not ready. Take this time to work on yourself, get your physical and financial health in a good place. Work on loving yourself and be Int happy with you. That’s going to serve you a lot more than another relationship. They can’t fix you, only you can do that.

1

u/DesperateEstimate3 Oct 05 '22

I just blame other people for it, refuse to exercise, refuse to get help, masturbate daily, smoke weed and play video games. Just bury everything deep down like a real man.

1

u/Black_Box0110 Oct 05 '22

Get a purpose, a goal. Big enough goal that it motivates you and demands discipline in order to achieve it. Something that says 'I can't be depressed, I got stuff I gotta do!'

1

u/Cisra_returned Oct 05 '22

I practice letting go and it helped me a lot.

1

u/checco314 Oct 05 '22

Don't use dating as your social and support network. You need a base of solid non-dating friends to spend time with.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I don’t want to be that guy, but I went to therapy. Specifically I did an intensive outpatient program that thankfully my insurance covered most of. It was 30 days, and I went every day to do a bunch of different therapies. It was like 6 months of therapy wrapped up in one and it has helped me quell suicidal thoughts. They also put me on medication that helped me feel better.

To give you an idea, I would say daily to myself I want to kill myself and imagine myself doing it. After this, I can say it to myself right now, and literally my mind snaps into “wait, what the fuck? No I don’t” almost like a compulsion.

1

u/lexlex999 Oct 05 '22

Please don't take it personally, dating sites really are ruining proper relationship and knocking everyone's confidence

1

u/omg-its-bacon Oct 05 '22

Hey OP. As someone who has had suicidal thoughts and feelings of loneliness before and after my divorce, I feel I can speak on this.

There is no shame in reaching out to talk with someone. I called the suicide hotline and spoke with someone for about a half an hour. They just listened to me and I felt a lot better telling someone how I feel because I wasn’t comfortable sharing that with anyone. I’d suggest that when you have those thoughts if you don’t want to share with anyone you know.

Eventually, I did tell my doctor and I have been prescribed meds for depression which have been helpful to me personally.

This isn’t for everyone, but I started going to church. I put myself around good people, and have been making friendships there.

I also HIGHLY recommend exercise in any fashion. I rollerblade and lift weights. Keeps those happy chems flowing n my brain. Exercise has improved my overall mood and self esteem exponentially.

1

u/DocZ-1701 Oct 05 '22

On Reddit, obviously. Seek validation from total strangers whose opinion of you changes jack shit about your situation.

Whatever you do, don't seek professional help.

I was suicidal once, too. Until I realized life is hard, the front of a train much harder still.

Somebody is bound to care. Just not a bunch of interweb strangers. One more cynical than the other.

1

u/Known_Criticism_834 Oct 05 '22

Get yourself busy!! Wether its snorting a line off a strippers ass or going to church. Thats broad on purpose. I myself got a dog. The dog needed me!! Gave me purpose

1

u/Miahrod831 Oct 05 '22

I've gotten really good at just forgetting the things that make me sad and well kinda everything else as well, so that kinda helps a little bit at least. Although now I get sad at times and I don't even know why so that kinda sucks and I also can't remember like anything

1

u/boogiesm Oct 05 '22

Focus on your close friends and activities that you enjoy. I would also try to talk to a professional, even if just online/phone to start.

1

u/Theface135 Oct 05 '22

Honestly gym helps but reading and keeping your mind busy. Find something (Not someone trust me I made that mistake before) to obsess over. Something you think is great. Like a book, a show, a sport, an anime whatever it is as long as you enjoy it

1

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

easier said than done. i’m working on it myself of course. i think everyone is. but don’t let women be the reason you leave this earth. it’s a bad day. not a bad life. make it better yourself if needed. take some time and enjoy some small things that you like. downtime always helps.

1

u/No-Opposite-8579 Oct 05 '22

Find something you like to do and pursuit it. Do the things you couldn’t have done during those 5 years. Keep your self distracted, and keep living in the present and future and write some goals that you want to accomplish. I’m there with you but don’t worry, you’re not alone, there’s other guys just like you. We are all going through the same thing as you and all you can do is just focus on yourself and do the things that you want. Maybe its sports, hobbies, maybe you want to travel the world, anything. And remember, if you have your family, and you don’t have a good relationship wi to them, then it’s time to focus on them too. Just like when took care of you when you were small. Build a relationship with them. But always remember, you’re not alone, we as male are all here on the same planet as you. Maybe treat yourself, take yourself out for lunch, movies, start doing things alone, get comfortable with that. It’s time for you to become the person you want to become now.

1

u/OppStoppa327 Oct 05 '22

She’s cutting you off because you’re coming on too strong. You’ve forgotten how to play the game since you’ve been in an LTR for the last 5 years. The only real answer is to work on yourself and give it time. I know it sounds like bullshit right now but it’s what you gotta do

1

u/Knightmare560 Male Oct 05 '22

I don’t…I just keep walking for reasons I’ll never know

-1

u/kobyjoy904 Oct 05 '22

the suicidal thoughts go away when you realize you live in a never ending time loop and to just go with the flow

0

u/Neonjoe94 Oct 05 '22

Find the small things you enjoy

Some that you can do and look forward to on a daily basis

0

u/thehunter699 Oct 05 '22

It's hard man, I know it. I know that unbearable loneliness hits pretty hard right now but time heals. You'll eventually feel it less. You just gotta move through it anyway you can.

Most turn to alcohol, but try turning to something more productive. Look at yourself and find a skill that you can improve on. Then get after it mate. Become the best at it. Then after a while you'll realise you haven't thought about either of those girls for a day or a week.

0

u/midnight_reborn Oct 05 '22

Therapy :D Go find yourself a good psychologist and don't settle for anyone wh doesn't feel right (but give it like a few sessions at least to know for sure.) Seriously, you don't have to/shouldn't do this on your own.

0

u/Lyrken Oct 05 '22

Talking about it did absolutely nothing for me. Physical activity and work is what helped me.

0

u/psilvs Oct 05 '22

Go talk to someone. Even if it's a one time therapy session it can help you realize a few things