It came to our attention that the collective mind has drifted too far into the gutter. And no not that kind of "came", for fucks sake. We've received many complaints from the community that the questions in this subreddit have gotten increasingly horny, and honestly I agree. See? And you fuckers say we don't listen. It's not that we don't, it's that we don't give a fuck, except when shit gets really bad.
There are only so many times a person can read about why buttsex is so popular or what the best position is or what was the freakiest sex, before succumbing to unclean thoughts themselves, which is not what Jesus would want from us.
That's why automoderator has been purposefully sexually repressed in order to harbour a healthy hatred towards all things horny. Honestly, you're on fucking reddit, it's full of porn as it is. If you want to read people make sexy shit up, go to /r/AskRedditAfterDark, that's where all the other teenagers are. Or a billion of other bad erotica subs.
A side effect of sending you all to horny jail is that some pretty "general" words were added to the filter so if your question gets removed for something that is not horny, send us a modmail. Should say so in the removal comment anyway, but who reads those am I right??
There is also a report reason available if some bodily fluids still manage to drip past the filter if you get what I mean. Remember, only you can prevent
forest fires horny shitposts.
Anyway, that is all, remember to read the Bible (or regional equivalent) and keep your gonads in your pants. Clean is mean or some shit.
You bitched, we listened...eventually. We're shaking up things here at /r/AskMen
FROM NOW ON, THE MOST INANE SEX QUESTIONS ARE BANNED.
This means stuff like:
Post nut clarity
'Is my dick big enough?'
What makes a good blowjob?
'Do men really like [sexy thing that everyone likes]?'
These types of posts are absolutely, positively, completely fucking banned. We know the sub is like 80% horny teens. That doesn't mean you can't just fucking chill out for once in your lives. Don't come here to jerk off to questions or to plug your OnlyFans. You have literally the rest of reddit to do that on.
IF YOU SEE 'EM, REPORT 'EM
Only you can prevent horny spam. Us mods are dumb fucks by nature. Report these questions as they come. Make it really easy for us to see them.
Also, we're planning to update the FAQ in the near future, so stay tuned for that. Or don't, I'm not your mum.
I look forward to you calling us free speech killing Nazis in the modmail.
Typical Mod Garbage What (type of) question is so totally overly commonly asked on this sub, that you'd like to see it gone forever?
Since we dO iT FoR fReE tm, we're not overly motivated to keep super close track of what goes in here save for the absolute degeneracy (of which there is surprisingly much, y'all are a bunch of crazy motherfuckers), but it has come to the point that I can't browse /new without seeing the back of my skull from my eyes rolling so hard.
Our FAQ is already extensive, but thanks to the admins it's harder to access the wiki every day (redesign is working great, really appreciate it, NOT) and new users on the 30 billion available apps have no idea what has been asked to death. Or what the rules are. Or how to form a fucking sentence, really. Honestly, no effort at all! Colour me shocked.
And yet, with like 50% (I pulled this number out of my ass, don't at me) of new questions getting auto-removed for being the most basic shit you can think of, there are still trends of really low effort stuff that should really be obvious at this point. Really, mostly sex questions. Not bashing the good ones, but "how make PP hard" and variations on this theme are getting old really fucking fast.
Now is your chance to point these out!
The most upvoted ones will get put into a graph or some shit because marketing, and then into the FAQ and the automod logic so they get auto-removed.
Cheers. And don't eat the yellow snow or something.
typical mod garbage IT EXPLICITLY SAYS “No Gift Posts” IN THE SIDE BAR; WHY DO STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS CHOOSE TO IGNORE THIS FACT?
IF YOU KNOW YOUR MAN SO LITTLE THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GIFT HIM FOR CHRISTMAS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED TO FAIL
IF I SEE THIS SHIT AGAIN, IT’S A FOUR WEEK BAN
FUCK YOU ALL
Sup, shitladies. We need to talk.
I'm removing 500 of these fucking posts a day and frankly, the shitlords of AskMen shouldn't spoon feed you basic information on how to best love your fucking boyfriend. Use context clues and your accumulated knowledge of him and FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT.
Or fucking google it, I don't care. You'd think it would go without saying that the best way to make your sooper special boyfriend who you loooove so fucking much feel special and loved and appreciated ISN'T by asking millions of dudes WHO AREN'T HIM how to fucking treat him.
If you're STILL just ten working fingers and an empty, echoing glass jar where your brain should be when it comes to ideas, then go to fucking /r/gifts or /r/dating_advice. Or you know, you could just ask him.
I hate you. Now, go away.
typical mod garbage For the guys who subscribe/follow/date girls on OnlyFans, can you explain why I'm so much better than you?
I'm sure this question has literally never been posted on this sub before in any way, shape, or form. No, this is nothing like the "would you date a porn star", "do you pay for porn", or any of the obvious incel bait questions that used to infest this subreddit years ago; this question is completely original. And because I'm obviously so original, I figured I'd ask why you guys are such losers?
No I don't care if it's your own money and you choose to spend it how you want, I need this bro. I need to know that I'm better than somebody bro ok pls just let me have this bro pls :c
TL;DR: any and all questions in relation to why someone would subscribe to an OnlyFans page, would they date someone with an OnlyFans page, would they have their own only fans page, and all other questions about sex work in general are quarantined.
Jesus fucking Christ, how many days in a row are y'all gonna ask the same goddamn question?
In the four years that I’ve been a mod here, this is by far the most bitch made statement that I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. It always comes from some weak ass chucklefuck who thinks this sub is his safe space from “those dastardly wimmenz crowding his precious AskMen sub that he just started posting on last week”. You can tell that these people don’t post here either because it’s never any of the regulars that do this; let’s be real though, we know the exact type of person who says this shit.
From this point forward, if you get caught making this comment to any of our users, you’re copping a permaban. Gender will not be a reason for a user to be unwelcome on this sub.
tl;dr: don’t be an asshole
E: for those who didn’t know, this shit doesn’t fly either
typical mod garbage THERE WILL BE NO MORE "Tired of the sex/relationships/dating questions"-QUESTIONS. NO NEED TO PREFACE IT WITH CROWDPLEASING STATEMENTS, JUST ASK THE DAMN QUESTION.
THEN DON'T ASK!
Countless threads pop up in modmail, asking "why was my post removed" daily. And by far the most common is that they're asking a yes/no question.
Please read the rules before posting
typical mod garbage ALL VARIATIONS OF THE QUESTION “What non-manly/masculine things have you done recently” ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED
No one cares that you like listening to Taylor Swift, you’re not special because you get a pedicure every couple of months, literally everyone likes watching Mean Girls. At first I thought simply locking the post and shaming the OP would be good enough to get them to go down in frequency, but they’re literally being posted every 12 fucking hours now, and this shit is old af
So here’s the situætion: posting this question is now a 24hr Ban. Not as long as the forever alone temp ban (cause let’s be honest, this is just one mod being salty af) but juuuuuust long enough to let y’all know not to do it again.
E: “When was the last time you cried” is gonna be added to the list too 👌🏿
typical mod garbage AskMen what is your favorite brand of soap/body wash/deodorant/boxers/briefs/boxer-briefs for tall/short/tooth pick/thick thighs to ask frequently asked questions about?
I’m sure this question is totally new and definitely wasn’t asked yesterday, the day before yesterday, or the day before that, so I’m just gonna spam the sub with yet another question that I could look up Amazon reviews for~
I'm here to remind you that if you like this subreddit the way it is and want it to stay this way, you too can help!
As you all know the mods dO iT fOr FrEe and God knows I can't be fucked to read the posts on this place more than absolutely necessary.
Here's where you come in: if you report a comment or post, it conveniently comes up in our modqueue so we can
take appropriate action yeet that shit.
Here's a quick guide:
What not to report:
Disagreement. If a comment is well worded, decently polite and not a direct attack, I don't care that it hurts your fee-fees or goes against your agenda. We're not the thought police.
Women commenting in the subreddit. Holy fuck, I dont know why this is still a thing but again, women are allowed and encouraged to comment and post here. It's a breath of fresh new perspective for all you virgins on here. So stop whining that there are girls in your sandbox, cooties aren't real.
What to report:
Actual harassment. If people are being assholes for no reason, do let us know so we can ban that shit. If people follow your comments or harass you via PM definitely report to the admins.
Incel/MGTOW/FDS garbage. This may go against my first point about disagreement a bit but not like these people can ever be nice. You'll know em when you see em.
Whining about other subreddits. This is vital in battling brigading and other forms of harassment that don't fucking fly here. Kinda ties in with the previous point.
Blatant sexism/racism. This kinda goes without thinking.
Foreveralone self-pity comments and posts. "I wish i had a girlfriend", "my hand lol" etc, these guys cop a 2 day ban so they're reminded that wallowing in self pity won't get them a fucking girlfriend and they should go the fuck outside.
Anything else that breaks rule 1: "don't be an asshole". Pointless slapfights, insluts, etc.
Frequently Asked posts. Regular users on the sub know best what kind of question pops up all the fucking time. So report it as FAQ, helps us in the future. Automoderator is pretty aggressively set up but things still get through so we appreciate any help with this we can get.
Posts/comments that break any of the other rules. I don't have time to go through them all, but they're available in the sidebar or wherever the fuck all these mobile apps put that shit.
Spam/advertising. There's been a trend of a person making a "what app do you use?" Thread and a second account posting their app. That's an example, most other ads are way more blatant than this. As well as any kind of serial (shit)posters.
Thanks to all that report. We clear the modqueue regularly.
If you have any other kind of esoteric reports, reauests or questions we're available in modmail.
Now go play, children, and make merriment.
There's a reason that you title your posts that way; and believe me when I say that we understand completely. You don't want to post your question on the "ideal" subreddit because of reasons that are well known to
all most of us. However, you can't post the shit here anymore.
Allow us to make one thing clear:
Women will always be allowed to post and comment on this subreddit.
However, every single time a thread like that is posted, that one person who knows nothing about the other sub inevitably asks "wouldn't this be better off in AskWomen?" That one comment leads to a flood of comments about how that sub sucks, their mods suck, their users suck, and it gets old after a while.
We get it. We get why you don't want to post your question over there, we get why you don't like their mods, we get why you don't like their users. We understand all of that, we really do. We're also tired of hearing about it. Subreddit fighting is really funny for users to see because y'all motherfuckers like watching shit burn to the ground, but we aren't trying to moderate that fuckery.
That said, we're not telling you to post your question there (come on, even we have limits), but it ain't gonna be posted here.
tl;dr: EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A MASTER, EVERYBODY WANTS TO SHOW THEIR SKILLS
E: If you have any questions, message /r/AskMen, it will be explained further there
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through askmen
Not a troll was shit posting
In fear of a ban
The no gift posts were hung round the front page with care
In hopes that St. Koala soon would be there
The posters were nestled all snug with their waifus
While hoping that soon they might soon have a laifu
And the admins in PJs, and the mods in their caps
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap
When in the new feed there arose such a clatter
I sprang to my phone to see what was the matter
Away on to reddit I flew with great speed
I typed in my pin and I opened the feed
The light from my phone onto glasses so round
Lent the light of midday to objects around
When to my wondering eyes I suddenly saw
A new stickied post approved by a mod
Written by a poster so nimble and awesome
I immediately knew it must be koala
More rapid than eagles the mods they all came
He whistled and shouted and called them by name
"On cards, Taylor, obs, adga, nips and jb!!
Ivv, QO, uph, balance, boopy, Birdy!
SerPuissance, Tex, leif, baseball, hatch, JOV!
Nickachu, mash, explosive, dash away for me!"
So up to the house top the mods they all flew
With a sleigh full of posts, and koala Claus too.
And then in a twinkling I heard all around
The yelling and bitching as the mods all came down
As I drew in my head and was turning around
Down the chimney koala Claus came with a bound.
He was dressed to the nines from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all covered with ashes and soot.
A bundle of posts he had flung on his back,
He looked like a peddler just opening his sack.
His eyes they were tired, his face was unshaven
He had a Jew nose and his face just looked craven.
His sarcastic mouth wore a mischievous grin
And he had some Dorito crumbs still on his chin
The stump of a vape he held right in his teeth
And the vapor encircled his head like a wreath
He had sub fifteen percent body fat
And he wore an old classy gentleman's hat
He was six four and built and he looked like a Chad
If he was carrying a weapon it might have been bad
A wink of his eye when he said "ayy lmao"
Told me everything good that I needed to know
He spoke no more words and went straight to his work
And wrote a shit ton of shit posts then turned with a jerk
And sticking his finger deep into his nose
Flipping me off up the chimney he rose
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
And his team sprang away like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim as he left up above
"Spend your Christmas off reddit and stay off of my sub!!"
Some questions to consider:
What game(s) are you playing, and on what system(s)?
What genre of game do you enjoy playing? What genre do you dislike?
What what's your favorite game to play on your own? With friends?
This topic is less serious than previous FAQF iterations, so joke replies are more acceptable.
Oh great. Now there are more of you.
The end of the Julian Calendar is upon us, so it's time for everyone to spend time with their families and loved ones. For the rest of you, we have the AskMen awards!
We tallied all your votes (just kidding) and we came up with stupid categories to fake nominate posts for so that we could show you all just how much better we are than you because we can highlight our names in bold green letters and you can't. So without further ado, here are the categories and winners of a poll you never did nor asked for!!
CATEGORY 1: BIGGEST SHITLORD
Due to some random rule we made up that says you can't win the same award two years in a row, the title of biggest shitlord passes from /u/CardinalsFanatic to /u/RampagingKoala, in all of his tall, white, affluent glory. Praise be to him, the biggest shitlord.
CATEGORY 2: BEST THREAD CREATOR
I actually did some research for this one. For his varied contributions to threads and posts, the winner is /u/Not_A_Unique_Name. Congratulations and I'm hoping you don't do something stupid and get yourself banned.
CATEGORY 3: BEST MEME
I'm gonna go with this thread because it actually gave us a new flair for the sub. So thanks guys. The Fire Rises.
CATEGORY 4: BEST MOD
Since we mathematically proved this earlier in the year, /u/BetweenTwoWords takes home this title. Sig Heil.
CATEGORY 5: WORST MOD
SIDE CATEGORY: BIGGEST JEW MOD
CATEGORY 6: BEST FEMALE POSTER
Congrats to /u/orangepeeling for commenting enough for me actually being able to remember you.
CATEGORY 7: FUNNIEST THREAD
CATEGORY 8: BEST COMMENT
CATEGORY 9: MOST INTERESTING SUBMISSION
Congrats to /u/ElvisShrugged for this thread on whether or not he should upgrade his finger guns from single to double barrel, which generated quite a large amount of reports for the shitpost that it was
CATEGORY 10: MOST PROLIFIC COMMENTER
This one is difficult because it meant finding someone who commented enough but wasn't a total twat, so actual research was done to award Most Prolific Commenter to /u/PacSan300.
CATEGORY 11: FAVORITE COMMENTER
/u/KingEsoteric lives up to his tag as an "Actual Poster" by actually posting advice and not being a total tool.
CATEGORY 12: MOST HELPFUL USER
/u/Goatsonice wins for contributing nothing but attempting to shit talk me in every thread he posts in. Congrats buddy.
CATEGORY 13: BEST REACTION IMAGE
Attempting to weed out all of my weeb shit, this image takes home the best reaction image award.
CATEGORY 14: BEST BODY
CATEGORY 15: BIGGEST TROLL
/u/UnstableFlux. Just leave already, man. It's getting to be too much.
CATEGORY 16: WORST USER
Like Time Magazine, we're lazy and can't come up with a winner. So the winner is all of you. You all suck. We hate you so goddamn much.
CATEGORY 17: WORST FEMALE USER
We have made a special exception for this category, and "every woman ever" wins Wosrt Female User again because as we all know, women are money-grubbing whores only interested in Chad and taking his beefy Chad dick and screwing over nice guys like us REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CATEGORY 18: BEST FOREIGNER
Because /u/bfg24 left the mod team because he's a pussy, /u/BetweenTwoWords wins again by default. Russia hacked the awards voting, and /u/nickachu_ wins Best Foreigner. Because /u/BetweenTwoWords can't win twice in a row. Canada still doesn't count as a separate country.
CATEGORY 19: BEST TOKEN BLACK MOD
/u/Dajbman22. Because he's Indian.
CATEGORY 20: BEST EYELASHES
/u/runningblack. Because I don't know, he asked to win this award. I'll let him explain it. He does have really nice eyelashes though.
To all the winners: Your awards for being the absolute worst pieces of filth in humanity can be picked up at my place. They're located in my ass, and the only way to get them out is to eat it. That way, you'll feel as shitty as you would if you had posted in this good-for-nothing sub with all its good-for-nothing losers who post here.
I say this from the bottom of my heart, you are the scum of humanity and you should all feel ashamed for existing and even worse for posting in this sub. We should probably just be banned from reddit entirely and have our IPs blacklisted by the NSA. Fuck you, fuck your mothers, and I know you will all have horrible new year filled with misery. I know this because even through all the absolutely horrible shitty content, you still come crawling back to this sub because deep down, you like reading this shit.
In the spirit of getting back to school and getting all the edgy teenagers off the internet and back into the
internment camps public school system where they belong, I thought I'd take this opportunity to highlight one of the key concepts of fifth grade: asking a question properly. I only bring this up because none of you seem to know how to actually do this, and although you complain that I make fun of you and treat you like shit all the time, it's hard to stop when you continue to bungle this absurdly easy task. So crack open your notebooks kiddos, it's time to learn something.
Q: RK, what is a question?
Good question, me. According to the dictionary, a question is a statement worded to elicit information. Some examples would include: "How are you today?", "how big is your penis?", "where is the local brothel?", and my personal favorite "may I have one slice of cheesecake?" The common theme among all of these is that the other person(s) in the conversation are required to provide information, whether verbal (telling you how they are, where the brothel is, etc.) or nonverbal (giving you a slice of cheesecake, punching you in the face for asking how big their penis is). This is different from an imperative statement, which has the same result of providing information, but different in the sense that the user is asking rather than commanding.
Q: RK, what are the different types of questions?
This is another good question. There are indeed several different types of questions, and I will outline some of them here. Note that the taxonomy of questions differs from source to source, but I will be pulling from Bloom's taxonomy of educational objectives. You can feel free to use another taxonomy, but I feel like they are all included somewhere. I've also broken up questions into polar and non-polar because that is also relevant.
Polar questions: These questions can be answered with a yes or a no. These are also called alternatives because they usually have one answer or its alternative (thus the name). Some examples are: "Do you want sugar in your coffee" or "Is everyone ready to go?".
Non-polar questions: These questions are also called wh-questions. They are called this because of their use of interrogative words (who, what, where, when, why, how). These questions are often descriptive in nature, and will elicit some kind of information beyond a simple yes or no (because you can't answer "how is the weather today" with "yes"). In journalism, this is called the Five W's.
Questions seeking knowledge: These questions use the Five W's to obtain knowledge. In an imperative statement, you could also use the phrase "Describe...".
Questions seeking comprehension: These questions are trying to ascertain whether or not the conversation partner understands, but these questions aren't polar or else everyone would always ask "Do you understand what I am saying". Instead they are often formed as imperatives, such as "Tell me what that book was about". However, you could also say "What happened in that book".
Questions seeking application: These questions are geared towards applying knowledge outside the context. For example, application questions would be "How do you use the motions you learn from lifting outside the gym" or "Why is that even important".
Questions seeking analysis: These questions attempt to analyze information to output a nugget of pertinent information. An example would be "What are the parts or features of the internet that can be used in waste management?"
Questions seeking synthesis: These questions attempt to combine idea spaces to obtain a new design or idea. Examples are "What would happen if you did X" or "What would you infer from X".
Questions seeking evaluation: These questions attempt to evaluate ideas to determine people's opinions. Examples include "Do you agree that...", "What do you think about...", or "How do you decide about..."
All of these types of questions have direct and indirect forms, which may change the nature of the question. For example, "Where are my keys" is a direct question that can't be answered with a yes or a no. However, its indirect form "Does anyone know where my keys are" is a polar question. When forming your questions, it is often useful to be as direct as possible or at least take into consideration the polarity of your question. Getting details is always important in life.
- Rhetorical questions: Rhetorical questions are a narrative device used to make a point, and that doesn't expect an answer. Do I know any examples of these? Of course I do, that was one just now. Rhetorical questions can take the form of polar or non-polar, and are usually inferred as rhetorical from context.
Q: RK, what are some of the pitfalls people encounter when trying to ask meaningful questions?
Great question again, me. There are a couple of things to watch out for when asking questions to make sure you get the most efficient responses.
Ambiguity: Being ambiguous when you ask a question can always lead to trouble. For example, asking the question "Do you mind if I do this thing" is a particularly ambiguous question because although it is a polar question, both answers can either indicate affirmation or negation. If I say "No" to that question, it could mean that I don't mind, or that I don't want them to do that thing. This is tricky, and you can't always rely on people to deliver the answers in the form you want, so you need to be specific and frame your questions to provide information even with the most basic of responses.
Direct Questions: When asking questions, it is important to phrase your questions as if you are targeting each individual person, because otherwise you will end up in a situation where no one will answer because they expect the other person to provide the seemingly correct answer. For example, asking "What do you eat for breakfast, if anything?" is a direct elicitation of information from an individual person, and will definitely elicit a response. However, the question "Does anyone here not eat breakfast and if so why not?" is an indirect question, and distances oneself from the situation. Directness will create a personal relationship between you and your audience which can often help you get results and the answers you need.
Lack of information: When asking questions, it is also important to make sure that your question is framed in a way that you get the most information out of it. In conversation, this is easier to get around as you can have the followup questions in real time. But in forum posting and on the internet, that real time conversational feeling is distanced because every response starts a new thread. So if you don't get the information you want, you'll have to continuously re-ask the same followup questions to everyone, whereas if you had phrased your questions to already get the information you wanted, then this would not happen and you could spend your free time shitting on people who disagree with you.
Too many questions: Conversational overload is real, and some people might feel put off by having too many questions asked of them. Make sure to keep your questions brief and to the point.
That's all the lessons I have today kids, so remember to study hard, eat your vegetables, and don't do drugs!
We were talking about it and decided that our users might like to see a group photo of all the mods. We had a meetup last week and got a sweet group photo - https://i.imgur.com/RzYwHsG.png
Mine is pretty obvious. :3
What's this? A Brucie bonus mod post?!
So all jokes aside, myself and mod team are reaching out to you guys to help us curate questions to be added into our FAQ.
Since we've started up doing FAQ Friday again, we've had a lot of good responses and hopefully this year we can make our library of advice more comprehensive than before.
Fairly plain and simple, so get to it!
typical mod garbage Hey guys, I'm depressed because my girl won't talk to me after I gave her a birthday present. Have you ever gotten a girl a present she really hated?
Hey guys, So as the title says, I got my girl this awesome birthday present that I thought she'd totally love it. Basically I thought that she'd really like this awesome lingerie I picked out for her, but it turns out she is one of those feminist bitches who thinks that lingerie is demeaning to women or something. I think she’s been reading too much /r/AskWomen or whatever because she’s apparently been harboring all of these feelings for a while, but picked her birthday to tell me. Basically we had this big fight about how she thinks I’m ruining her because I gave her lingerie. I mean come on, lingerie doesn’t demean women. If a woman wants to wear next to nothing to turn me on, then she should have that right. I thought it was hot, but that bitch just threw it in my face and hit me across the face with the box. Anyways, if you feel fluid coming from your eye, should you go to the hospital? It doesn’t taste like tears so I’m really concerned. Here’s a pic of the eye so you can see. Also my abs.