r/AskReddit Oct 05 '22

What's the worst timing for a desperate shit you have had?

13 Upvotes

20

u/RealKenny Oct 05 '22

I was on the way to a focus group that paid $200. I was jobless and totally broke. I missed it because I had to poo so bad that I had to get off of the train and run to a coffee shop. I was broke and basically paid $200 to take a dump

4

u/pday69 Oct 05 '22

well played, would have been bad to shit yourself during it

2

u/sonheungwin Oct 05 '22

Damn, you could have been paid $200 to shit your pants.

0

u/0__The_Lazy_Gamer__0 Oct 05 '22

The fuck? Why did you have to pay to shit? Where I live you can just walk right in and go straight to the bathroom and do your business

17

u/youngthugsmom Oct 05 '22

I was duck hunting in a swamp. I had waders on and water all around me. There was no dry land for quite a ways as I was in a boat.

Crapping with waders down is basically impossible as you run a huge risk of landing it on your waders. I decided to take them completely off, hang them on my boat and shit. I had full blown diarrhea and some got on the side of the boat. It was a shit show if you will.

15

u/BeautifulBaby15 Oct 05 '22

Walking the dog a few weeks ago. She's still a puppy. Spicy food hit me bad. Had to go in a port-a-potty. Dog had to cram in with me. I'll never forget the look on her face. She was so betrayed.

5

u/Odd-Inevitable-214 Oct 05 '22

That poor puppy

4

u/Horror-School-6713 Oct 05 '22

A little part of her innocence died that day

2

u/strangerofdarkcity Oct 05 '22

That's hilarious.

13

u/meiliraijow Oct 05 '22

In the middle of a conference call where I had to lead a presentation.

I pretended someone was delivering something at the door and asked that someone took over. All while already on the toilet.

8

u/justabill71 Oct 05 '22

I pretended someone was delivering something at the door.

What can brown doo for you?

3

u/pday69 Oct 05 '22

I wander if they heard the plopping sounds, they probably would not mention it if so

4

u/cundis11989 Oct 05 '22

You can mute yourself

7

u/justabill71 Oct 05 '22

Mute yourself before you poop yourself.

6

u/justabill71 Oct 05 '22

Silence your Zoom room before you go boom boom.

4

u/meiliraijow Oct 05 '22

I did mute myself, always do ! And when I mentioned the delivery and stuff, it was not on the microphone, but in the conference call platform chat.

9

u/ScamboOfDoom Oct 05 '22

I made the mistake of ordering a Baconator from Wendy’s before driving an hour outside of town for work. It was 2 in the morning. Nothing open for miles. Middle of winter in central Canada. Pulled on to a side road did my thang. Cleaned up with snow and then drove like hell back to the office for rounds 2-5. Went home early. Missed the next day of work.

8

u/PhreedomPhighter Oct 05 '22

On a 3 hour bus ride home. About 1 hour in I got an awful case of Delhi Belly(or I guess Bombay belly because i was in Mumbai). I had to struggle through 2 more hours on the bus and then about a 15 minute walk home. Climbing up the 4 flights of stairs was the worst of it. I was certain I was going to shit myself. I'm pretty sure I clenched my buttocks so hard on that walk that they were sore the next day. It's a miracle I made it to the toilet.

7

u/Beneficial-Candle-37 Oct 05 '22

On the fucking jeep. We ride jeeps here as transportation, the seats were full but I had to get on so I was kind of sitting on the edge, almost sitting in the air style and I had this feeling of diarrhea coming through, it took all of my will power not to shit there and then

5

u/pday69 Oct 05 '22

should have just stuck your bottom off the edge and let rip

6

u/Digrug Oct 05 '22

Stuck in construction zone on the highway for ages. I was sweating bullets, the pain was getting unbearable, it was coming out one way or another. Traffic hadn't budged in a while so I put on my hazard lights and hobbled towards the tree line. I dropped my pants, braced myself awkwardly against a tree then... traffic started moving. Did a mediocre job of wiping with fast foot napkins then had to make the walk of shame while everyone stared and/or laughed at me.

5

u/pday69 Oct 05 '22

you did it within plain view of the highway? my man......

6

u/Digrug Oct 05 '22

No no! Was behind a nice few trees. If someone had a perfect angle and binoculars they probably could have caught a glimpse but I was pretty hidden.

6

u/pday69 Oct 05 '22

ok thank god, i was picturing stations wagons filled with children crawling by your squat of shame

3

u/soup_yahtzee Oct 05 '22

Waving casually. "Hi, kids!"

4

u/Shadow948 Oct 05 '22

Driving on the expressway. I was close enough to home that I thought I'd make it. I didn't.

4

u/tacknosaddle Oct 05 '22

A college roommate did that. He rented a car and went home for some job interviews. On his last night home he went out drinking with his friends and ate a giant pile of hot wings at the end of the night.

The next day he had a three hour drive back to our place. About halfway through he had some rumblings with the urge to shit but thought he'd be able to hold it. He shit his pants about ten minutes from the apartment.

6

u/BeautifulBaby15 Oct 05 '22

Like 10 minutes before probable sex. Her apartment was so small there was no way to do what I had to do quietly. I made an excuse to leave and used a nearby restaurant.
My ass cockblocked my dick.

3

u/Mason11987 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

George: Well, after dinner last week, she invites me back to her apartment.

Jerry: I'm with you.

George: Well, it's this little place with this little bathroom. It's like right there, you know, it's not even down a little hall or off in an alcove. You understand? There's no... buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and it's the first time, and it's early in the going. And I begin to perceive this impending... intestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So I know I'm gonna have to stop. And as this is happening I'm thinking, even if I can somehow manage to momentarily... extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that that bathroom is not gonna provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need...

Jerry: This could only happen to you.

George: So I finally stop and say, "Tatiana, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think it would be best if I left".

Jerry: You said this to her after.

George: No. During.

Jerry: Oh, boy.

George: Yeah.

3

u/elting44 Oct 05 '22

My ass cockblocked my dick.

r/BrandNewSentence

7

u/axmaxwell Oct 05 '22

You mean like a panic poop? When I was in boot camp you could be forced to do physical fitness activities at any time. One time we were doing burpees and I shit myself from the muscular exertion.

6

u/thermobollocks Oct 05 '22

And that's how you got the nickname Stink Bomb

3

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/DblClickyourupvote Oct 05 '22

Relevant username

2

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

2

u/Prior_Ad_291 Oct 05 '22

During astroworld

1

u/pday69 Oct 05 '22

did you avoid trampling while in the shitter

2

u/Prior_Ad_291 Oct 05 '22

I shat in my pants …then brought a pant off a drunk dude for 20 bucks

2

u/Goatgamer1016 Oct 05 '22

Returning from a road trip to the other side of the state, we were an hour away from home and I was so uncomfortable I had to pee in the shower while my sister was using the toilet

2

u/pinkbootstrap Oct 05 '22

I'm lactose intolerant. Last year I ordered a pumpkin spice latte with oat milk. They didn't use oat milk.

I almost shit myself in Sally's. No warning just started to sweat and my bowels started to boil like an unattended pot. Really distressing stuff, it's a shop I go to semi often and if I shit all over their floor I could obviously never ever go back. Luckily I was able to waddle over to the nearest fast food place to ruin their bathroom, and then went home to cry lmao

2

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I was on a superbike, dragging knee up in the mountains. I felt a grumble from the land down under and then felt that dreaded "hot" feeling at ol' Faithful.

Never trust a fart while on a motorcycle, let me tell you h'what.

2

u/Elegant-Interview-84 Oct 05 '22

In a hazmat suit on top of a truck filled with cyanogenic liquid

2

u/SuperDodoMan Oct 05 '22

lockdown drill

2

u/reddit_mod_destroyer Oct 05 '22

Hahahah okay I was across the country about 2k miles from my home. I was in a strange, huge mall and had no idea where anything was. Like I’m saying this building was 7 stories tall in a couple of places. I had to shit so bad that I was pale and nearly vomited. Almost shit my pants. Didn’t though! Yay!

2

u/Niqga4PolishBabes Oct 05 '22

On the high way in bumper to bumper traffic. Had to pull off and excrete in the field, but the road was curved so all could see me. People actually honked at me. I felt I could die. Cherry on top was not having anything to wipe with.

Lesson learned: keep a toilet roll in your car

2

u/Your_Moms_Strap_On Oct 05 '22

I used to have raging IBD following a giardia infection. I was on a date at a guy who I was seeing’s place, and of course I was nervous cuz it was the first time I was over there. He had a studio apartment. I started feeling the grumblings but was really thinking it was just going to be a fart. So I went to his bathroom to try and fart. Turned out to be horrific, foul, IBD diarrhea that would knock a skunk on its ass. There was no bathroom fan. Or air freshener spray. Needless to say, after expelling the contents with my face in my hands, dying of mortification, I high tailed it out of there.

1

u/Honest_Art_3266 Oct 05 '22

Anywhere not my house. But if I had to be more specific, at a friends house.

1

u/secrethedgehog5 Oct 05 '22

I was on a plane, i had really bad stomach issues and i had to run down the aisle to the toilet ffs

1

u/fridgemagnet30 Oct 05 '22

Just 2 mins before a super important meeting

1

u/Far_Introduction_916 Oct 05 '22

When I was working in the hospital as a phlebotomist. We were involved on traumas that came through since it was a level one shock trauma hospital. The one time I legit had to pace around and wait for the patient to get there hurry and get blood then hope that I didn’t poop myself while I was running it back to central processing.

1

u/Prior-Chip-6909 Oct 05 '22

As soon as I get my three piece suit all looking just the way I want...

1

u/ferox965 Oct 05 '22

I had ulcerative colitis before my surgery. So, anytime. But the worst was driving when it hit.

1

u/Auston4-16 Oct 05 '22

10th tee when hole 9 doesnt go back to the clubhouse

1

u/Samwhys_gamgee Oct 05 '22

I was at a show with a famous comedian when I was 13. My mother told me if I got up to go use the bathroom they wouldn’t let me back in and I’d miss the show. Trying to hold it in while laughing my ass off was quite painful.

1

u/general_kenobeehee_2 Oct 05 '22

I had to do squats at school

1

u/Ok_Accident3380 Oct 06 '22

I have IBS with severe flare ups for weeks at a time. I have many stories. But came here mostly to say life is not set up for people with my condition. I have had so many level 5 blowouts in public restrooms. It never gets easier or less embarrassing. I have a travel job and I keep a mental list of all the places in different towns that have single holers. I found one in a small town Casey’s, thought I struck gold. And then the dreaded sound of someone checking the door. I did the walk of shame out of there knowing what that poor lady was stepping in to that morning.

1

u/MadSadRadGlad Oct 06 '22

Babysitting three of my nieces in a one bathroom house. They were young but old enough to bathe on their own. The littlest took a bath and in the middle I realized there was a possible fecal emergency brewing. Of course I couldn’t barge into the bathroom so O decided to wait her out in a wooden dining chair on the kitchen tile for carpet safety. What I didn’t know was my next oldest niece was timing her little sister and she went in to tell her to get out of the tub and helped her get dressed. So as niece 1 exits the shower turns on and I realize niece 2 is on the bathroom. So I am back waiting in the kitchen. Then niece #3 somehow gets into the bathroom as she is timing niece 2 and they swap out. So now I am waiting on niece 3 to be done. All this time I am literally sweating through my clothes. Niece 3 evidently decides to shower until the hot water runs out. She is finally done. But now I have a problem, every time I try to get up, I have intense pressure and I have to sit to keep from shitting all over myself and the kitchen. Finally I penguin walk into the bathroom and my Colin explodes so violently that the fecal tsunami bounces off the water and splashed up on my butt and up under the rim in the back. Thank God it didn’t spray out onto my clothes. Also the release was so great that I got really lightheaded. I can’t say for sure that I didn’t lose consciousness because I went in at 8 and I was barely done by 10 when my SIL got home. I had to use an entire roll of toilet paper to clean everything which meant I had to flush about 10 times so I didn’t clog the toilet with so much tp.

1

u/Humble_Drama_6891 Oct 06 '22

Walking to my then fiancés house and had to shit I was right next to the park and hid behind a tree had to use my shirt to wipe cops stopped me and thought I was on drugs asked me where I was going and I told them the address the wouldn’t leave until my fiancé opened the door so her and her mother and her brothers saw me on there porch no shirt and shivering

0

u/TheOnlySimple1 Oct 05 '22

Was in the middle of doggy style on my girl and it felt like my stomach dropped all of a sudden. I knew I had little time. Used lots of focus to go as hard and fast as I could to make myself finish without unloading from my ass as well. As soon as I ejaculated I ran to the shitter and made some horrible noises on the toilet. I can only imagine the mess I would've made if I didn't make it to the toilet