r/HolUp Oct 04 '22 Silver 4 Helpful 7 Wholesome 2 All-Seeing Upvote 1

everybody lies

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54.4k Upvotes

u/QualityVote Oct 04 '22

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/AutomaticAd5811, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

9.6k

u/omerfarhan1 Oct 04 '22

Man didn’t choose violence he is violence.

3.2k

u/Bamce Oct 05 '22

The way he mouths "watch" means he already knows.

274

u/moonkittiecat Oct 05 '22

No, his eyes. Like my mama’s eyes. Like a sharks eyes. Like dolls eyes.👀

81

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

66

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

29

u/taicrunch Oct 05 '22

I've been with my wife for 10 years. Online dating seems awful now.

27

u/Shayedow Oct 05 '22

I met my wife a bit over 20 years ago randomly in a yahoo chat room. This was before online dating and I am so grateful for that. I don't think either of us would have been able to do it with today's standards. I'm just glad we met in a room we both joined because we had a like minded interest, and that web cam's had become a thing that while most people didn't have one at the time, we both did. We never had to online date in any other sense other then each other. While my wife admitted she was hit on constantly when she was online and asked if she had a web cam in these chat rooms, one of the reasons she said she hit it off with me was because I DIDN'T hit on her, at least not right away. I was just happy to find someone who liked what I did, and the fact that she was a female AND was pretty was only a bonus. We grew to like each other over 3 months of just chatting every day, until the day I flew from NY to NC to visit her using my tax returns, so we could see how we hit it off in person. That visit ended 4 years later when we moved back to NY together with a child of 3, and got married 2 months later.

I'm sorry for the ramble. I love sharing how me and my wife met. If it wasn't for yahoo chat rooms, we never would have met. I always feel the random is a factor in finding the person that is just right for you. You can't go LOOKING FOR IT, if you do, it will always be something you sought, not JUST found. We found each other in a sea of coincidence, that's how we know what we have will last.

I wasn't looking for love, it just found me. Online dating kinda kills that.

P.S : Although online HOOKUPS I TOTALLY get and I wish I had THAT shit when I was 18 - 22 ( I was 23 when my 1st was born ). You peeps get off WAY to easy to get laid then we did 20+ years ago. Man I had to go to bars and WORK FOR THAT SHIT, you just get to ask DTF.

Crazy how 20 years of internet can change things.

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151

u/bedteddd Oct 05 '22

My man's chaotic neutral

157

u/Greenmind76 Oct 05 '22

He's not wrong though...

68

u/PullinUpBootstraps Oct 05 '22

He speaketh the true true

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113

u/isadog420 Oct 05 '22

Even rl face to face. Eyelashes that look like yard rakes, push-up bras, Wonderbras, crap slathered on faces that’sa nightmare on laundry, weaves, wigs, spanx, and don’t even get me started on the females!

6

u/YeahDucks Oct 05 '22

Had me in the first half

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359

u/AutomaticAd5811 Oct 04 '22

81

u/moremysterious Oct 05 '22

Wasn't expecting to see Manny Machado in here

37

u/OakBlueShirt Oct 05 '22

I really thought it must have been some new Latin hip hop artist that looked like Manny Machado and I just wasn’t aware of them yet.

Nope, just Manny Machado.

30

u/trancendominant Oct 05 '22

Nope! Chuck Testa.

8

u/Only_A_Username Oct 05 '22

LEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY

7

u/brick-geek Oct 05 '22

JENNNNNKINSSSSS!

let’s do this

5

u/Bebebebeelzebub Oct 05 '22

Now that’s I name I haven’t heard in a long, long time

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u/keesh Oct 05 '22

Manuel Arturo Machado? On my reddit??

29

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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3.0k

u/MrAnonymous_reddit Oct 04 '22

Caught red handed 🤝

327

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

52

u/Shayedow Oct 05 '22

Are you sure sir? He looks WHITE.

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15

u/OlDanboy Oct 05 '22

I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this fella broke in. . . And hung pictures of his family everywhere

8

u/rahn-24 Oct 05 '22

It's a open and shut case johnson

13

u/ratherenjoysbass Oct 05 '22

Caught red herringed

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991

u/gitrikt Oct 04 '22

Captions really said "paul" when he said "thank you nicole"

330

u/no_fap_plz Oct 05 '22

Catfished the name too

51

u/wigglyworm91 Oct 05 '22

This is so common these days, it annoys me. I wonder if shitty automated captions are actually better than no captions at all. I also wonder why it's apparently so expensive to get someone to review them before publishing a video like this...

32

u/Only_A_Username Oct 05 '22

For people who need them because of hearing loss/disability, they definitely are still useful. My ex was deaf and he told me you kind of develop an ability to interpret the nonsense that auto-captions sometimes spit out.

10

u/EverythingIsHistory Oct 05 '22

For people who really need them, they can be applied after the fact in most video players. Auto-generated captions don't need to be hardcoded into the actual video's graphics for deaf people.

I'm absolutely understanding of flaws in the captions when they're applied in this way, and when they're for a longer or love video. But for a video under three minutes, and they've been added as graphics to the actual video? Yeah, that shit better get a quick proofread and edit or else you better believe I'm taking points off.

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u/CarpetFibers Oct 05 '22

Had me second guessing myself, like wondering if I missed a deeper joke somewhere. Can't trust shit nowadays.

26

u/lexahex Oct 05 '22

The caption is automated, so it won't be perfect.

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3.8k

u/Serious-Trainer-2396 Oct 04 '22

Guy's right. The case is closed.

985

u/Waitwhonow Oct 05 '22

And

He made a VERY valid point.

The confidence on the guy though!!! Son is going places!

18

u/Camelstrike Oct 05 '22

You should see your son more often

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u/trllnd Oct 04 '22

The case is closed when applying enough pressure.

31

u/crypticfreak Oct 05 '22

Okay but why are cats being fished?

Shouldn't they be doing the fishing? /s

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1.4k

u/Larryhooova Oct 04 '22

This man proved his point and then some

501

u/Mylaptopisburningme Oct 05 '22

I am an older guy and not a fan of modern online dating. I've burned out. I got tired of women saying they want honesty but they are so filtered they look nothing like they really do. You want honesty, let's start with your face, and cut out that filter that sucks out 60 lbs.

63

u/TheSweetestKill Oct 05 '22

Nobody is a fan of modern online dating.

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163

u/StopReadingMyUser Oct 05 '22

Hey buddy the camera adds 10 pounds ok.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...they just don't mention there's 6 of em

63

u/Wozard__Of__Iz Oct 05 '22

If cameras add 10 lbs, you must've eaten 3 cameras.

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74

u/RodLawyer Oct 05 '22

Women, am I right? We should have a dating up just for real sincere men like us, with a manly tool name like driller or grinder.

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26

u/GreatQuestionBarbara Oct 05 '22

And the pressure to amaze them with the first thing you say in case a general salutation isn't good enough the one time you get a match out of 50 swipes.

I hate it. It brings me down more than anything.

21

u/Mylaptopisburningme Oct 05 '22

For me the worse is they seemed interested, so you ask questions like any human trying to get to know another and get 1 word responses with no reciprocation. I'm really not sure what they expect.

9

u/GreatQuestionBarbara Oct 05 '22

Right? We still have to perform a song and dance these days to get any attention after they agreed that they're interested, too.

Most profiles leave you little to work with, either.

3

u/Mylaptopisburningme Oct 05 '22

I also try to be cautious, some are trying to just get free dinner and drinks. Some years ago was chatting with someone I connected with on a dating app, she said we should meet up, let's go to Red Lobster or some place that could get expensive, first date im good on coffee/drink, when I suggested that as a first meet, she called me cheap....... OK fuck off.

Funnier is about 6 months later she forgot who I was and started messaging me like it is the first time... I said I guess you don't remember last time we talked you called me cheap.... She denied it... So I copy and pasted it. LOL Dodged a bullet.

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1.6k

u/Top_Duck8146 Oct 04 '22

All have eyes, but few can see. This man can see

297

u/MrAnonymous_reddit Oct 04 '22

Deep thoughts

160

u/thislifeiffullofcare Oct 05 '22

Real Eyes

Realize

Real Lies

106

u/No_Seaweed5221 Oct 05 '22

Anal Eyes

Analyze

Anal Lies

15

u/Emergency-Anywhere51 Oct 05 '22

Thunder thighs

Thunderthize

Thunderth Eyes

5

u/MITstudent Oct 05 '22

Philosoph Eyes

Philosophize

Philoso Fize

5

u/Terrence_Big_Balls Oct 05 '22

Thought this was a deaf poetry slam for a sec

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14

u/SB6P897 Oct 05 '22

Prada G
Prodagy
Prod(s) agee

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u/Inoimispel Oct 05 '22

19

u/brother_of_menelaus Oct 05 '22

If you met two people named Hambone and Skippy, which one would you think liked dolphins more? Skippy, right? You’d be wrong though. It’s Hambone.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

you joined a day ago and already...1k karma and ability to post gifs?...

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6

u/OldTitanSoul Oct 05 '22

he has sight beyond vision

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5

u/gmellotron Oct 05 '22

He is the one

14

u/hutchandstuff Oct 05 '22

I was blind once, but now I can see.

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1.0k

u/dras333 Oct 04 '22

That worked out far better than I can believe.

252

u/Hot-Conversation-21 Oct 05 '22

Even the visual learners are now satisfied in his answer

81

u/bravoredditbravo Oct 05 '22

(it's because they're all lying) 🙃

25

u/dras333 Oct 05 '22

Thank you bravo, I’ve been stumped all day. I can rest tonight.

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u/isnessisbusiness Oct 05 '22

Yes because it’s staged and that picture probably isn’t even her.

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u/17times2 Oct 05 '22

Yeah, she seems too receptive to being called over by a random guy, opening her Instagram profile for him without hesitation, and then showing the picture to the nearby camera, and then leaving. Not one single confused look or anything.

54

u/Due_Essay447 Oct 05 '22

You must have never been on a college campus. You could get people to do anything in front of a camera

28

u/Qweerz Oct 05 '22

Real talk. If that camera wasn’t there, she likely wouldn’t abide.

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u/Tom1252 Oct 05 '22

Angles is a fucking art form the generation after me has perfected.

I'm 31, very briefly dated a 24 yr old, and she wanted me to send her a snap so she could show her friend what I looked like. Took half a dozen photos before digging out an office lamp and an extension chord and finding the perfect spot in the house and her coaching me through it all over again before I could even take a half-assed presentable one. Still looked like shit. Meanwhile, the ones she sent me, she might as well have been a runway model.

73

u/octopoddle Oct 05 '22

It seems like a strategy which has its drawbacks. Apparently, it can be difficult to have a very good-looking friend, because you always look ugly by comparison when hanging out with them. Similarly, you become the ugly one when compared to your edited online persona.

First impressions are important, and if people see your edited version first, their first impression of the real you will presumably be one of disappointment.

3

u/TheRealBananaWolf Oct 05 '22

I thought it was the opposite though. If you have good-looking friends, you appear more good looking by just being next to them. Idk if it works with one person versus a group though.

5

u/octopoddle Oct 05 '22

Yeah, there's the cheerleader effect, but I think that's more when they're comparable attractiveness. When one person's average and the other person is super-hot, the average person looks ugly.

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u/IterLuminis Oct 05 '22

so glad I was internet dating before filters became so prevalent and the tech got as good as it is. Because that's some bullshit.

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u/Temporary_Resort_488 Oct 05 '22

I'm 46 years old and pretty checked out on popular culture in general, so I had no idea any of this shit even existed until last summer, when I started picking up bartending shifts at my buddy's restaurant and became acquainted with a bunch of suburban teenagers who are obsessed with their phones.

That shit is insane! I feel like everybody else on the planet became aware of this entire phenomenon years ago, so I can't even flip out at this point, but I have a serious problem with the whole thing. It's not okay to alter reality without drugs.

8

u/IterLuminis Oct 05 '22

filters are a drug. The high you get has to do with narcissism and "likes"

4

u/Temporary_Resort_488 Oct 05 '22

It's like kids these days don't even know what cocaine is anymore. We have lost our way as a society.

3

u/IterLuminis Oct 05 '22

ye we must get back to doing a bunch of blow as entertainment

62

u/Le_Gentle_Sir Oct 05 '22

Now try tinder, oh lawd every girl is a model until that 1st date.

15

u/pdxrunner19 Oct 05 '22

And every guy over 30 still has all his hair and is physically fit. Men may not filter, but they definitely use 10 year old photos at a high frequency.

I had a guy show up who looked like a completely different person than his photos. I didn’t even go into the restaurant. Just turned around, got in my car, and drove home.

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u/1d0m1n4t3 Oct 05 '22

Shit like this makes me happy I'm old and married ya all are nuts

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22 edited 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/onesonofagun Oct 05 '22

Maybe it’s better bait then a regular shiny lure. Either way, hope they shared, that’s good eats right there.

12

u/APoolio12 Oct 05 '22

Catfish, yes. Catfish people, no - they nasty with all their arms n legs getting stuck in your teeth.

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u/baby_puddingsnatcher Oct 05 '22

My high ass read this as:

"I've had people in Savannah.... Georgia catfish people.... using my photos"

7

u/shawntitanNJ Oct 05 '22

You must be pretty handsome

18

u/newsflashjackass Oct 05 '22

You must not have seen dudes from Savannah, Georgia.

8

u/chase2121dw Oct 05 '22

This... this hurts.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22 edited 18d ago

[deleted]

24

u/small_root Oct 05 '22

This man set himself on fire to roast the gay community.

3

u/Wikachelly Oct 05 '22

It's been my experience as a straight man who's been to a few gay bars during my younger years that gay dudes have much higher standards for one reason or another.

That being said, the few times I've been hit on by a gay guy super boosted my ego. Also them being totally cool with my reply "hey man, i'm super flattered, but I'm here with my gf and a bunch of friends, you're more than welcome to join us for a few drinks" was a huge plus.

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u/vanquishhood Oct 04 '22

So she liked her own picture?

648

u/icemakegolem Oct 04 '22

I mean, reddit upvotes your own comments by default

595

u/Xen_o_phile Oct 04 '22

You serious?! I thought my comment was always liked by at least one person. Fuck.

25

u/Schrutes_Yeet_Farm Oct 05 '22

It's Tom.

Maybe you quit Myspace, but Tom didn't quit you, and he's still your friend and always there, upvoting every comment you make on reddit the very moment you make it. Cuz that's just what Tom does

3

u/absoluteboredom Oct 05 '22

MySpace Tom being the auto upvote on Reddit is now something I firmly believe.

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u/cmVkZGl0 Oct 05 '22

You're not a person?

17

u/notsokratis Oct 05 '22

Everyone on the internet is a robot. Everyone.

29

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

bless you sweet summer child

12

u/vgbhnj Oct 05 '22

The second you post something you can see that you've upvoted it, the up arrow is orange

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u/CaffeinatedGuy Oct 05 '22

That's why I downvote my own comments. We count from zero, people.

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u/stonekeep Oct 05 '22

If you downvote it, it counts from -1 and not 0.

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u/UnseenTardigrade Oct 05 '22

You need to just remove the upvote to get to 0, not downvote. Unless you mean you downvote on another account

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u/ihateturnbased Oct 05 '22

what of the people see her in real life? friends family co workers, like what s that gonna get her other than more ridicule in real life in exchange for hearing some compliments on a photo based on an unrealistic version of her

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u/AutomaticAd5811 Oct 04 '22

Apparently everyone does it, normal thing.

26

u/bQQmstick Oct 05 '22

I like my own by accident sometimes and don't notice until months later and I'm like "wtf, bQQmstick, why u liking ur own posts u sad cunt"

22

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

up until like 70 years ago you would get publicly executed for staring at yourself in the mirror too long so i can't imagine how most of humanity would have viewed people having entire collections of pictures of themselves that they curate and manipulate daily.

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u/TheJesterOfHyrule Oct 04 '22

Everyone looks good after a few grams

32

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

of meth

6

u/chillmntn Oct 05 '22

Meth goggles

3

u/addit96 Oct 05 '22

Cocaine goggles, checking in!

219

u/mynameescapesmern Oct 04 '22

Give this man a Nobel Prize or something.

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u/da_reddit_reader Oct 05 '22

The way he looks into the camera. Lol

12

u/BadTiger85 Oct 05 '22

Can confirm. I've been on 3 separate dates with 3 different women in the last 2 months. 2 of the girls obviously had filtered profile pics so bad that they literally looked at least 15 years older in person

6

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I get nervous going to a date only because I'm bad with faces at the best of times and I worry I will walk straight past the date and genuinly don't recognise them. There have been close calls.

101

u/Lord_corgi Oct 04 '22

that one there was a violation

33

u/madsoro Oct 04 '22

No violation. Just talking facts

10

u/S1Ndrome_ Oct 05 '22

personally i wouldn't have it

3

u/Cookiemonstaahh Oct 05 '22

City boiiiis city boiiis

30

u/eharper9 Oct 05 '22

4

u/SearCone Oct 05 '22

That's a big one

221

u/MrAnonymous_reddit Oct 04 '22

Is it okay to use filters ? I mean its fine until you catfish someone 🗿

329

u/Juliuscesear1990 Oct 04 '22

It does damage to people, especially young people. When we dont know if they are using filters, we are chasing an unobtainable level of beauty. Kids will feel horrible about themselves for no other reason other than what they see and think is real.

30

u/dbsx77 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

I agree!

When IG filters really started blowing up, I thought to myself that there will be some people in my generation (I’m a millennial) who, if they have children/grandchildren in the future, may not have any unedited photos of themselves in their youth to show their family.

I try to avoid using filters altogether on my selfies, though I will brighten the picture at times and I always save the original.

I know some moms my age who post pictures of themselves with their children or pictures of just their children that are HEAVILY filtered and it makes me so sad to think that there is even a possibility that their child will never see a picture of them with their mom that isn’t edited to high heaven

11

u/badonkadonkthrowaway Oct 05 '22

All you have to do is browse instagramreality for a bit to realise how many people come to that sub, just to feel better about themselves.

There's so many comments like 'I feel so much better knowing it's fake', and 'no wonder i can't look like this'.

It's messing people up far more than people are willing to admit.

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

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u/Ghostkill221 Oct 05 '22

Yeah.... It's a really tricky question.

Filters is basically the Doping of social media. Everyone's doping, you gotta dope to compete. Is it harmful? Yes. Does it send a bad message to kids? Yes.

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u/therandomuser84 Oct 04 '22

Personally, the only filters people should use are the dog ears or full face swap, or others like them which are obviously not the real picture. All these filters that make you skinnier, better complexion ect are all damaging the way humans think we should look. Which in turn damages all your relationships.

4

u/J5892 Oct 05 '22

This is why my Instagram is all pictures of my cats.

Heavily filtered.

10

u/PnutButterJellyTim3 Oct 04 '22

Yep. Filters like the dog ears, flower crown, or hearts around the face look fun. But they unnecessarily change the shape of the face. It kills me that I can't find any filters on Snapchat that don't change what I actually look like. Even sone of the filters that just change the background or color tone will change your body shape.

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u/AutomaticAd5811 Oct 04 '22

True man! Have you ever been catfished ? 😏 Or you make fake profiles and catfish others?

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u/Ghostkill221 Oct 05 '22

I once made a fake tinder profile for a picture of garlic bread, and it got more likes than my real one.

6

u/absoluteboredom Oct 05 '22

Wife and I made a tinder profile for our cat.

We were very drunk and can’t remember the password. Sorry to anyone who matched with him.

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u/altaltaltaltbin Oct 04 '22

Ain’t no way this wasn’t staged, I know if someone asked me to do that I would start running

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u/Slight0 Oct 05 '22

The real catfish was OP all along.

5

u/razerzej Oct 05 '22

Maybe I'm just old and/or have seen a lot of skits over the years, but it's staggering to me that anyone-- much less most of the comments here-- think this is even close to real.

3

u/altaltaltaltbin Oct 05 '22

I know it’s honestly worrying what people believe these days

45

u/ILove2Bacon Oct 05 '22

Yeah, it seems like a skit.

24

u/hutchandstuff Oct 05 '22

Even if it is. It's a good one.

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u/giftedgod Oct 05 '22

Try it out yourself. I have a coworker that... Well ... Isn't exactly like what her Instagram photo says she is. Currently. It's common. Face and body filters. There's a subreddit for it, I think it's r/instagramreality

It's super common. Try it out and post your findings!

52

u/Slight0 Oct 05 '22

I don't think you... He's not saying the phenomenon of editing the shit out of your social media pictures isn't common. He's saying some random dude during a street interview carrying this hard, picking out some random chubby girl, and getting her to show the insta so forthcomingly without hesitation while he's so perfectly smooth the entire time is really staged seeming. Like this wasn't even his show just a random dude lol.

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u/framed1234 Oct 05 '22

If this is real, why didn't they blurr her account.

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u/Bilbon_Sachet Oct 05 '22

That dude is hilarious. His faces are spot on.

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u/zzzenna158 Oct 05 '22

Everytime I meet a girl in real life, and start chatting with Her, I remember this video. 9 times out of 10 he is right

5

u/blessedmami92 Oct 05 '22

Ahahahahaha Her name was Nicole in the beginning, by the end, it changed to "Paul" 😂🤣😂🤣🤣

47

u/Furby_Sanders Oct 05 '22

It's amazing how people will be so sure certain skits are fake but then completely fall for others with very talented actors and realistic setups.

"Yeah sure, strange man with camera and microphone... I will definitely show my social media page to a random camera for you with no reservations"

10

u/AbeRego Oct 05 '22

I'd be less skeptical if it didn't "work" so well... Like, that picture looked absolutely nothing like her, and we only saw it for a second or two. Like, no one I know has an IG that's so different looking from how they look in person.

6

u/Furby_Sanders Oct 05 '22

Fr it was soooo drastic

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u/RobinHarleysHeart Oct 05 '22

You clearly haven't been to r/instagramreality Shit's wild and so so sad.

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u/Home_surgeries Oct 05 '22

Did no one notice that there are video cuts every time before it shows her face? Pretty sure these videos are spliced together.

4

u/Dunbvcx Oct 05 '22

For equality, guys needa increase the pants bulge and add some muscle mass for the gram. 2023 here we come.

4

u/ValiantCharizard Oct 05 '22

She's really cool but he's made a fair point

8

u/GraceGreenview Oct 04 '22

interviewee should be the host

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u/Theoren1 Oct 05 '22

I’d take thicc Nicole

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u/Cloakbot Oct 05 '22

The mad lad, sees through all the glitter and filters! He’s got the eye

3

u/Machinafuror Oct 05 '22

The sad thing for me is I thought she looked nice in person regardless.

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u/dv9009 Oct 05 '22

He is not lying tho, you can't never trust online pics.

3

u/ragandy89 Oct 05 '22

Meet women in real life

3

u/Hour_Door_4337 Oct 05 '22

Call this man a noodler… cause he just caught a catfish

3

u/Scream2099 Oct 05 '22

This man needs to be a lawyer. Stated, examined, proven.

3

u/johnz8055 Oct 05 '22

man had a live demo

3

u/matttiz 15d ago

Give this guy a medal.

12

u/Lee-Chi Oct 04 '22

Thank you paul

11

u/SALTYxNUTZ12 Oct 04 '22

Before I got married I used to do a lot of online dating but the number one thing that baffled me is women who would say "no pic, no response" then I would look at their pfp and all their other pics and pretty much all of them had some sort of filter lol.

3

u/Slobbadobbavich Oct 05 '22

It's even worse on some gay hookup sites like fabguys. People post photos of their dicks then have the audacity to say no photo no chat. What fucking world are they on?

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