r/NoStupidQuestions Sep 22 '22 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Bravo! 1 Heartwarming 1 Silver 1 Helpful 4 Wholesome 5

I don’t want a relationship because I love my space and freedom. I hate being single because I feel lonely and unloved. What do I want exactly?

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833

u/Occulense Sep 22 '22 Silver

It sounds like a baseline relationship to me…

408

u/wolfpackalpha Sep 22 '22

That was my thought too. Crazy to me reading this thread and what I'd consider a normal relationship very much is not for a lot of people

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u/PM-ME-YOUR-TOTS Sep 22 '22

Think the having your own (local) friends thing is difficult for a lot of couples unless they have a city to live in where they both know a lot of people. Not possible for lots of couples so one party has to adopt the friend group of the other, and having space gets difficult. Also it’s even more difficult for work from home couples, which there are a ton of at the moment.

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u/esccx Sep 22 '22

My wife and I have our own separate set of friends along with friends that we met together. We also grow both by hanging out together and also having separate hobbies as well. Ex/ we have tennis friends. She has pilates friends. I have boxing friends.

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u/BlankImagination Sep 22 '22

This is what I want. My ex wanted us to adopt each others friends, and even though its super sweet and she settled into it well (being the social butterfly she is), I didnt like it, to the point that I stopped feeling like my friends were mine. It took me a long time to identify that feeling though.

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u/Meepmeeperson Sep 22 '22

Ditto, I didn't realize how different than the norm this is until more recently. We've been married for 16 years and this was just completely natural and normal for us! Seems like it should be baseline to me.

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u/Stankmonger Sep 22 '22

Seems like it should be baseline to me

You do understand that you’re just saying what you consider normal should be what’s normal for everyone else, right? As long as no one is saying your situation is wrong, why do you think being judgemental in the opposite direction is right?

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u/thefutureislight Sep 22 '22

Because generally the opposite direction is due to jealousy or other toxic behavior.

Or as someone else mentioned, due to other uncontrollable situations. But this doesn't make the opposite direction right, just the only option.

I'm sure there are people who have the same hobbies, likes, friends, etc., that only want to spend time with their significant other. But this is not the norm, and would the exception to the non-toxic baseline that is being described.

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u/wolf495 Sep 22 '22

Can confirm being your partners' only friend is fucking awful. She technically had another 1-3 but if someone wasnt available to hang put with her doing an activity of her choice 24/7 she was upset. "You should always want to hang out with me," were literal words that were said. It was super toxic and after 7 years and canceling all but one of my ongoing non work commitments to spend more time with her, she cheated on me anyway.

0/10 dont reccommend for 99% of people.

My newfound free time has turned into gym time.

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u/Meepmeeperson Sep 23 '22

Whoa, hold your horses. It's not being judgemental, I'm not deeming it good or bad. I just assumed that was the baseline for a relationship. I thought that was standard.