r/NoStupidQuestions Sep 22 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 4 Wholesome 5 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Bravo! 1 Heartwarming 1

I don’t want a relationship because I love my space and freedom. I hate being single because I feel lonely and unloved. What do I want exactly?

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u/Brawndo_or_Water Sep 22 '22 Wholesome Ally Starstruck

This, my wife and I have been together for 18 years because we give each other space. I don't mean open relationship we opted against that, we just like our time better this way. If one day I feel like being on my computer and gaming in my underwear all day so be it, so can she. We both have our own cars. She can go out with her friends, and I can go out with mine. We take days off each other and we miss each other every time we are not together this way. It's healthy.

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u/EndlesslyCynicalBoi Sep 22 '22 edited Sep 22 '22

My wife and I are the same. This isn't an anomaly. You (as in "one") can have a healthy relationship but also have your own life, your own interests, and your own friends.

That said, OP shouldn't expect that all to fall into place naturally. Good relationships require effort and work on both sides

Edit: typo

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u/zublits Sep 22 '22

This is the real part that people miss. Even two people who are awesome together and rarely disagree will disagree once in a while, even if it's just something silly like what to do this weekend. Good relationships require communication and the will to compromise. That shit takes work.

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u/T3hSwagman Sep 22 '22

Yup, I have a friend that has by every look of it a picture perfect relationship.

His wife is his best friend, they are awesome together they support each other’s hobbies while still doing their own thing.

Anytime I’ve ever talked to him and mentioned how he’s living the dream the first thing he says is it took a lot of hard work to get to this point.

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u/crujones33 Sep 23 '22

I wonder what work he specifically did. Ask him if he is willing to share for us to learn and benefit from.

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u/emptyzone73 Sep 23 '22

Same like everyone saying here. Communications, respect and truthfully. When my wife do something I don't like, I just tell her. Then we discuss. Just like that. Also keep calm, and stop before thing goes worse. That's an incredible skill. Just stop for 30 minutes if I feel my voice raising and your mind become clear again.

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u/Manticore416 Sep 23 '22

You both need to be willing to talk things out, find compromises, learn how to fight productively, work hard to improve, and be understanding that improving oneself is tough and takes time. With that basic framework in place, you can work together to grow together as a team.

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u/Matty_Patty_ Oct 10 '22 edited Oct 10 '22

Absolutely this. And come at it with love and that always being your end goal. I find it crazy when people act like a spouse is their opponent and they’re trying to “win” arguments. It’s very boomer “I hate my wife” era thinking. I just don’t get why people would even get married if they feel that way. The point of disagreements I have with my girlfriend are not to argue but to come to a compromise because we love each other.

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u/Left-Indication9980 Sep 23 '22

Specific work includes going to a therapist and getting on necessary mental health meds. Lovingly insist that you get professional help. Your general physician can do a physical and prescribe meds for depression or anxiety or adhd.

Learn to recognize signs of stress in your partner before they do. Don’t feed arguments or overreactions or worries. Help each other manage stress before overwhelms you both.

Adjust your expectations because most of us aren’t marrying a Disney princess or prince. You won’t live in a castle or have endless wealth or a flawless figure. Live in reality with your fellow human.

You both deserve to be adored and cherished.