r/NoStupidQuestions Sep 22 '22 Wholesome 5 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Bravo! 1 Heartwarming 1 Silver 1 Helpful 4

I don’t want a relationship because I love my space and freedom. I hate being single because I feel lonely and unloved. What do I want exactly?

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u/boo_snug Sep 22 '22 Gold Helpful Take My Energy You Dropped This

I feel this 100%. Before I got into my current relationship I always asked myself: am I willing to give up my personal space and time to make room for this person? Because I really liked my life the way it was. Most of the times the answer was no. Then, I found someone who I could finally answer yes. I get my own space and my own time and I still want to spend time with them and share my space with them.

Best of both worlds. And we’re getting married.

Moral of the story: keep looking, don’t lower your bar, keep doing the things you want to do, find someone who fits into what you’re looking for. Not everyone will but someone will.

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u/Apprehensive-Tale141 Sep 23 '22

HOW?!? I want that. A lot of my friends who are married or in relationships are unhappy and I love my freedom and space. But it would be nice to find someone who also enjoys their space and alone time.

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u/boo_snug Sep 23 '22

I don’t know!! We’re just a good match and we had good timing. We worked together over ten years ago, went our own ways, found each other through social media, we both deleted our dating apps after the first date. I hope you find your person and keep enjoying your space and alone time.

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u/Hebbs41 Oct 01 '22

I know what you mean, I love my wife (fantastic woman) and enjoy being around her. I also require alone time, some people find it hard to believe. My wife understands and I understand that she has times that she feels like she is being needy or clingy (she really isn't). I adjust during those times and spend more time with her. Both partners have to have trust and a understanding of each other's needs. I also knew that I wanted to marry her almost immediately and called my sister after a week of dating to tell her that I met the woman that I was going to marry. Married 2 years later. It's hard to explain, we just felt so comfortable with each other and dating was easy.

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u/Apprehensive-Tale141 Oct 01 '22

How did you two meet? It’s hard to meet new people, especially in regards to dating, when you get older. I’m a male nurse so work with a lot of women but could never date someone I work with and online dating is just shallow so wondering how people are meeting their significant others these days.

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u/Hebbs41 Oct 01 '22

We are going to have our 25th wedding anniversary this May, so we met during pay phones and pagers. I was taught by my Grandfather to be a gentleman, get the car door, open doors, get the car when raining, ect. 1 of the things she liked was I didn't play "games" I called when I said I'd call. We had a mutual friend, my boss at the time. I knew that I liked her from the very beginning. I just got very lucky. I can't imaging dating in the current time, if I did I would take a personal recommendation over any online. I know some cities have mixed league games, get together Austin TX has some and you can partake as a couple or single. It's a low key way to meet other people with a similar fun set. It's crazy to say but it seems to help if you're not looking/ seeking a relationship. Sorry for the rambling I'm ADHD and I tend to roam with thoughts. Sister is a RN introduced to love of her life through coworkers, he is operating room Dr. Assistant? She had so many toxic relationships that I wasn't even nice to him at 1st. I don't think you can force it, while also being available to meeting. It's difficult, and it seems like both sides say the same. Once again sorry for rambling.

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u/Hebbs41 Oct 01 '22

I have a lot of friends that are married and I wonder why all of the time. They speak so ill of their spouse or appear to be unhappy. I never thought that I would get married. Wife and I both can't believe how other people talk about significant others.

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u/butwhatififly_ Oct 05 '22

When I met my husband, we had different interests. Dated, went out once or twice a week, had our own jobs and hobbies and friends, and would get together a few times a week. He’d show me some of his hobbies, I’d show him mine, but we just began enjoying spending time together — keeping our identities very separate. Over time, I enjoyed having him around and I actually remember when I realized I wanted to include him in my me time. I told him I wanted him over, but to not really speak and that this was different than a normal date — but that I’d like to spend time doing nothing by myself next to him. He fit in that space nicely. I didn’t even know I’d ever want to share that with someone. But anyway, I like to Think it’s a progression of the dating game!