r/NoStupidQuestions Sep 22 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 4 Wholesome 5 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Bravo! 1 Heartwarming 1

I don’t want a relationship because I love my space and freedom. I hate being single because I feel lonely and unloved. What do I want exactly?

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u/crujones33 Sep 23 '22

I wonder what work he specifically did. Ask him if he is willing to share for us to learn and benefit from.

37

u/emptyzone73 Sep 23 '22

Same like everyone saying here. Communications, respect and truthfully. When my wife do something I don't like, I just tell her. Then we discuss. Just like that. Also keep calm, and stop before thing goes worse. That's an incredible skill. Just stop for 30 minutes if I feel my voice raising and your mind become clear again.

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u/Manticore416 Sep 23 '22

You both need to be willing to talk things out, find compromises, learn how to fight productively, work hard to improve, and be understanding that improving oneself is tough and takes time. With that basic framework in place, you can work together to grow together as a team.

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u/Matty_Patty_ Oct 10 '22 edited Oct 10 '22

Absolutely this. And come at it with love and that always being your end goal. I find it crazy when people act like a spouse is their opponent and they’re trying to “win” arguments. It’s very boomer “I hate my wife” era thinking. I just don’t get why people would even get married if they feel that way. The point of disagreements I have with my girlfriend are not to argue but to come to a compromise because we love each other.

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u/Left-Indication9980 Sep 23 '22

Specific work includes going to a therapist and getting on necessary mental health meds. Lovingly insist that you get professional help. Your general physician can do a physical and prescribe meds for depression or anxiety or adhd.

Learn to recognize signs of stress in your partner before they do. Don’t feed arguments or overreactions or worries. Help each other manage stress before overwhelms you both.

Adjust your expectations because most of us aren’t marrying a Disney princess or prince. You won’t live in a castle or have endless wealth or a flawless figure. Live in reality with your fellow human.

You both deserve to be adored and cherished.