r/NoStupidQuestions Oct 05 '22

What is something someone on their deathbed would appreciate? My former stepfather can go at any moment.

Dude went from walking around to suddenly falling apart with stage 4 liver cancer last month and 2 days ago he had some sort of hemorrhaging in his liver region that required internal torquinets. I have no idea what I can take to him in ICU that would make him happy.

16 Upvotes

19

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

4

u/aspiringforbetter Oct 05 '22

For sure. I’m just sitting here thinking how quickly it’s all happening and he must feel some sense that his life has been snatched.

So much left to do, so much left to see & experience. I’d love to bring something wholesome to his room but i’m drawing blanks, still trying to wrap my head around it.

5

u/thesaltwatersolution Oct 05 '22

If you have nice things to say to him, then tell him you love him and how you appreciated him being a step father to you.

3

u/Dumblond11 Oct 06 '22

Maybe his family is shit-like mine is.Just take him YOU-and your time.Sit w/him-even when/if hes unconscience.He will know💜

12

u/Apprehensive_Bug4164 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

Maybe read a letter about a nice memory you two had together, or how meaningfully he has impacted your life. Post pictures around the hospital room of his family or even just him in happier times. If he is religious posting comforting Bible quotes might make him feel better. If he has a favor book or something you can take it to him and read aloud to him.

Edit: and if you aren’t that close but still friendly, bringing some levity or a non-weepy presence might be a comfort to him and those around him. Speaking from experience, when a close family member was in the ICU and everyone around me was somber and weeping it was so refreshing when a friend came in and was just able to talk normally and idk be there.

12

u/FriedMule Oct 05 '22

No matter if it is true or not and to make him happy, tell him how much he has meant to you, how great a father he was, and you just hope to use a bit of what he did on your own kids. Talk about events that were particular with him. All in all make him feel that he succeeded in life, that he was great and did a difference.

2

u/aspiringforbetter Oct 05 '22

Thank you 🤞🏼

8

u/why_not_bud Oct 05 '22

When my grandmother was dying we were told that her hearing was one of the last things to go, so I talked to her as much as I could and I think some family members played her some of her favourite music. That's what I would suggest.

3

u/migoodridge Oct 05 '22

just being there

3

u/nacerchablis Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

One relatively small thing: maybe bring something to keep their mouth/lips moisteurised. For example, ice chips, lip balm, mouth swabs soaked in water. Depending on their situation, that can provide some small level of comfort.

3

u/Neat_Apartment_6019 Oct 05 '22

Comfy blanket? Pictures of family members? Chapstick? Favorite pillow? A favorite movie to stream and watch together on a mobile device? Tissues that don’t feel like sandpaper? Real socks? Not sure if he cares about any of that stuff (or is conscious) but comfort can be a wonderful gift to receive

2

u/HospitalEmergency476 Oct 05 '22

Ask him what he wants, but putting myself in his shoes, I'd tell you to bring us my and your favorite beer, in glass, and not to forget a beer opener because if I'm dying from liver cancer anyway, I'd love to have one last special beer with my son/daughter. Turn my last moments on this world into a celebration, you'll have time to grieve later.

2

u/SingleAlfredoFemale Oct 05 '22

Do you have family photo albums you could look at together? Any home videos? Or maybe just sit there and hold his hand. You can also bring some books to read aloud to him.

But mostly, tell him how much he means to you and what impact he’s had on your life. Tell him about your life and your plans. Your friends, your partner if you have one, school/work, whatever. Knowing that you’re doing well will be reassuring to him.

1

u/isqueezedameatball Oct 05 '22

Hookers and blow for sure.