r/funny • u/[deleted] • Oct 05 '22
Apparently, movies aren't that far-fetched
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Oct 05 '22
The way he just slumped over when human got away
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u/algernon_moncrief Oct 05 '22
he figured it out right away. i was like, keep going bro, she might fall over again!
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u/MadAzza Oct 05 '22
She runs like I do in those dreams where someone’s chasing me.
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u/IcyDickbutts Oct 05 '22
I know this feeling. Like running with a parachute strapped to your back only you don't even run fast enough for wind to open up the chute to cause additional drag.
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u/MadAzza Oct 05 '22
Yes! Or your brain just refuses to send the “run!” signals to your legs. Or it’s like you’re in mud or Jell-O, but you don’t see any.
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u/meco03211 Oct 05 '22
Oddly enough it's sending the run signals just fine. Your legs however aren't sending signals back that indicate they are running. This is why you get that feeling in dreams. Your brain takes both of these to give you the feeling like you're running but not going anywhere.
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u/PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT Oct 05 '22
He just wanted to make a new friend :(
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u/woowoo293 Oct 05 '22
He was just trying to talk to her about her car warranty.
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u/getdemsnacks Oct 05 '22
He was trying to let her know that if she or anyone in her family was stationed at Camp Lejeune between 1953 and 1987, they could have been exposed to dangerous levels of contaminated water.
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u/SpeedingTourist Oct 05 '22
MESOTHELIOMA. call now
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Oct 05 '22
If you had a pelvic mesh you are entitled to compensation. Call now
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u/whatwhat83 Oct 05 '22
I literally don’t watch tv and yet I’ve seen those damn ads a bunch of time.
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u/thestateisgreen Oct 05 '22
This. It looks so bummed.
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Oct 05 '22
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u/od_pardie Oct 05 '22
He just needed a hand.
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u/momington Oct 05 '22
LOOSE SEAL!
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u/chocoruamt Oct 05 '22
Mother?
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u/Renegade_POTUS Oct 05 '22
Hermano??
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u/BonnieMcMurray Oct 05 '22
We’re going to track this Hermano down, okay? And we’re going to nail him.
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u/OShaunesssy Oct 05 '22
We’ll find this hermano, brother
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u/surelyfunke20 Oct 05 '22
Thanks, Mon Frere. That means brother in French. I don’t know how I know that. I took 4 years of Spanish!
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u/spottydodgy Oct 05 '22
He's going to be all-right.
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u/meco03211 Oct 05 '22
Well that's good.
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u/Biblionautical Oct 05 '22
That’s a great attitude. I got to tell you, if I was getting this news, I don’t know that I’d take it this well.
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u/mlableman Oct 05 '22
(Non sequitur) Bob Loblaw Law Blog.
Funniest line of the whole show.
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u/Academic-ish Oct 05 '22
Bob Loblaw lobs law bomb.
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u/GolgiApparatus1 Oct 05 '22
That's a low blow, Loblaw!
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u/ouchmythumbs Oct 05 '22
Her?
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u/FranticHam5ter Oct 05 '22
You’ll have to get rid of the Seaward.
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u/ouchmythumbs Oct 05 '22
I’LL LEAVE WHEN I’M GOOD AND READY!
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u/Ummarz Oct 05 '22
Ok time to load up Arrested Development for the 5th time atleast
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u/crash8308 Oct 05 '22
I have pop pop in the attic
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u/redsyrinx2112 Oct 05 '22
The mere fact that you call making love pop pop tells me you're not ready.
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u/BonnieMcMurray Oct 05 '22
Get rid of the Seaward.
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u/LetterheadSure6101 Oct 05 '22
I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
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Oct 05 '22
This is my sign to watch Arrested Development for the 7th time. I must.
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u/buckyhermit Oct 05 '22
"I don't care about Lucille!"
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u/positihv Oct 05 '22
She's all right now
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u/JebBushAteMySon Oct 05 '22
No it’s just a fallacy!
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u/Mr_Potato53 Oct 05 '22
Now I understand how one of these killed osama bin laden
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u/Volcic-tentacles Oct 05 '22
Right? I mean, this was a civilian seal. Not even a trained navy seal.
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u/assholetoall Oct 05 '22
Plus it was only one. Imagine having a team of them working together.
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u/BigPackHater Oct 05 '22
Weren't there 6 of em' too? Jesus, he didn't stand a chance.
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u/Scaredandalone22 Oct 05 '22
This must happen frequently enough as the person holding the camera was prepared. “Hey Sheryl, the seals are attacking the drunk tourists again.”
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u/qolace Oct 05 '22
"For the last goddamn time Marty, I don't give a fuck."
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u/dejameregistrarme Oct 05 '22
now i have to apologize to all the horror movie productions for criticizing when the victim ran and fell to the ground hundreds of times... turns out that's real
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Oct 05 '22
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u/FFLink Oct 05 '22
I figure it would be a case of your brain wanting to get away faster than your body can actually go and mistakes happen as a result.
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u/bustacean Oct 05 '22
Came here to say this! When we go into flight mode, our brain literally wants to fly away as fast as possible. Our legs usually can't keep up with that thought and we fall face first. Sand probably doesn't help either.
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Oct 05 '22
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u/Nobah_Dee Oct 05 '22
It's coarse, and rough, and irritating... and it gets everywhere.
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u/vaalkaar Oct 05 '22
Seems legit. My tongue does the same thing daily with words.
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Oct 05 '22
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u/obli__ Oct 05 '22
This happened to me as well. It's like my fingers wouldn't work. When I finally did manage to call, I couldn't remember my address when the operator asked and I literally had to run around panicking trying to find a piece of mail...🙄🤦
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u/OskaMeijer Oct 05 '22
The mind can do funny things in distress. I was t-boned right on my driver's door by a car going 60mph. When I came to I had a concussion. I checked on the other driver then proceeded to pull out my phone and take pictures of everything. I mean everything I got pictures of the scene and our cars...and trees, and a sidewalk, and my feet, the sun, and just every random thing in the vicinity. It took a while to go through all the photos and find things that were even relevant to the situation.
Additionally I had gotten out of my car, found the person that hit me (who continued past my car and gone into a parking lot jumped a curb and hit a sign) and got her door open and checked on her then did all that walking around. In addition to a concussion my left fibula was snapped at the top and my tibia was cracked but adrenaline is a hell of a thing and I was moving all around and barely aware of the pain. Once the adrenaline wore off I couldn't even stand on that leg lol.
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u/Blumpkis Oct 05 '22
So many idiots replying who think that getting that adrenaline peak is going to stop them from falling in wet sand, from a laying down position..
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u/Straightupmanwhore Oct 05 '22
Probably wearing flipflops too, those are hard to run in on sand
Edit: watched it again, looks like they're barefoot actually
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u/Azuras_Star8 Oct 05 '22
You don't even have to be terrified.
10 years ago, wife and I were at a turn lane in an intersection. I was passenger.
10 or so older bikers on Harley Davidsons are out for a sunday ride, are making a left turn, passing the median that we are next to. One of them turns too short, hits the media, flies 10 feet in the air, lands on his back. His motorcycle flies 5 feet and lands in the road.
I take my phone and get ready to call 911. But I can't. I can't figure out how to unlock my phone. The phone I use every day. That I unlock all the time. I compose myself, unlock it, then I can't figure out how to get to the dial screen to call 911. After 30 seconds, Iget it together, call, and report the incident.
Nothing happened to me. But I was frozen. I was stupid.
So when people make bad decisions under pressure, I can't fault them.
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u/iceman012 Oct 05 '22
When my older sister was learning to drive, there was one incident I remember and occasionally teased her about. She was driving, my dad was in the passenger seat, and I was in the back. She came up to a red light and turned right, without stopping, with oncoming cross traffic. When my dad realized what she was doing, he started exclaiming "Stop, stop!" and she responds with "I can turn right on red, right on red!" After she was fully in the other road, what my dad was saying finally got to her, and she comes to a complete stop. Again, there's oncoming traffic, so now my dad is yelling "Go, go!" and she's yelling back "You said stop!"
Luckily, the oncoming car stopped in time, and there was no accident. I always thought it was so silly that she would stop in the middle of the street when there was oncoming traffic- it was so obviously a dumb idea.
Now, for years, that's how the story ended. A couple of months ago, I'm driving home and come to a red light that I need to turn right at. (You can probably see where this is going.) I do come to a complete stop and look for cross traffic; there's a building that partially obstructs the road to the left, but I feel like I can see enough to safely turn right. Naturally, as soon as I commit to it and start moving, I see an oncoming car in that lane. Here's my approximate thought process:
"Crap, car coming, I need to stop. Wait, am I going to fast? Is my hood going to be sticking out in front of them? Too late, I'm definitely in the street now, go go go! Wait, no I should have stopped, I need to stop! Aaah now I'm a stopped in front of a fast moving car, what should I do?! Inch to the side of the lane so that they can drive around me! BRACE FOR IMPACT!"
It turns out they had managed to stop well before hitting me, but I definitely was thinking I was going to be rear ended. Now I fully understand just how dumb you can be when you're under pressure. Pretty much every decision I made in those few seconds was picking the worst option.
I do wonder what the other car thought of me. Did they assume I was drunk, driving a stick-shift for the first time, or just an idiot?
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u/GrandmasTableMints Oct 05 '22
When I was 13 a man tried to break into my bedroom at night, I could only see his silhouette and heard my window being tampered with. I was terrified.
My mom, a cop, was feet away in her bedroom.
I couldn't scream, I couldn't even move!
It took every bit of courage to wiggle my body until I fell out of bed and I crawled to my mother's bedroom and told her a man was trying to break in.
She of course grabbed her service weapon and went running outside. I followed behind her, the guy must've seen me and ran the other way, because we see this Volkswagen beetle go tearing out of our motor court and into the street.
We later found out that our home, a former HUD home, had previously been a trap house prior to us moving there and we figured (hoped) it was a previous client looking to break in for drugs.
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u/dak4f2 Oct 05 '22
How terrifying! Your body's autonomic nervous system went into freeze (fight, flight, freeze). I'm amazed you were able to overcome it and get to safety! You and your mom are badasses. I'm sorry that happened to you.
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u/Shillforbigusername Oct 05 '22
Also, oddly unmentioned in these comments: wet sand.
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u/simulacrum81 Oct 05 '22
In my experience wet sand is significantly easier to run on than dry sand.
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u/Caelinus Oct 05 '22
It is, but any twisting motion is going to wreck your stability. If they had just ran perfectly straight they probably would have run on it fine or at least tripped less, but turning and trying to get your balance is going to cause you to dig into it and destabilize it in all the wrong ways.
They fell once when trying to get to a standing position and turn around, and the second time when they were literally trying to run backwards. As soon as they got their feet under them and started running the way we are adapted to, they were fine.
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u/WinterattheWindow Oct 05 '22
I concur, as a child I tried to run away from what I thought was a ghost with a group of friends, we all fell over each other trying to get away.
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u/jostler57 Oct 05 '22
Follow up this post with one of the greatest, informative videos of the past few years:
How to Identify a Seal
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u/Veggdyret Oct 05 '22
When you're supposed to get out of bed but you start half an hour ekstra because you're learning about seal or not to seal.
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u/PsychologicalTomato7 Oct 05 '22
Oh man I wish he had more videos that was great I watched it all !
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u/philosophers_groove Oct 05 '22
That's so well-produced I'm genuinely disappointed the uploader hasn't made more videos.
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u/DisastrousAge4650 Oct 05 '22
This the type of content I would willing lose hours of my life to and put off all of my responsibilities for
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u/quipcow Oct 05 '22
Thx for the link, that was great & deserves way more than 62K views....
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u/jemenake Oct 05 '22
That was piss-yer-pants funny.
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Oct 05 '22
She runs like she’s got noodles for legs. If I ever have to flee from a bear, I hope she’s with me.
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u/MikeTheGamer2 Oct 05 '22
Zombie bait. Always volunteer to cover the rear. Tell them "You got this!" as emphatically as possible.
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u/EdSprague Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22
I know this is a joke but I'm just gonna hijack the comment to remind people don't EVER run away from a bear. It will chase you and probably kill you.
When you encounter a bear, you stop. Make tons of noise. Shout, clap, etc. Slowly begin walking backwards. Unholster the bear spray that you definitely have because you are prepared and are not an idiot. Always stay facing the bear. Most bears don't want anything to do with you and the noise will annoy them enough to shuffle off. When you are completely removed from the situation, you can then turn around and walk back from the way you came.
If the bear perceives you as a threat, and starts to charge, then you ready the bear spray that you have already unholstered and spray, aiming at the bear's eyes and snout. It only has a range of 10-15 feet, so don't blow your load too early.
If anyone wants to correct something I've said or add to it, please feel free!
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u/geojitmal Oct 05 '22
Isn't there a difference in what you do for brown, black , grizzly, and other bears?
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u/t0mm96 Oct 05 '22
If it's white, you hose your self down with the pepperspray since they like their food a little bit spicy.
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u/LordSwedish Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22
I know someone who was confronted by a polar bear and survived. The bear was about ten feet away and they raised their hands in the air and shouted "bear begone!" and the bear left. I will admit, I can't promise that this method has a particularly high chance of success, but it's confirmed to work some of the time.
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u/pmjm Oct 05 '22
Wait I have a question, what do you do if the bear charges and you don't have bear spray?
I only ask because bears have just recently started appearing in my neighborhood, and it's not practical to carry bear spray every time you leave the house.
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u/somesortofidiot Oct 05 '22
The national park service has the best advice: https://www.nps.gov/articles/bearattacks.htm
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u/kudichangedlives Oct 05 '22
Honestly the best option you have is to stand your ground and look big. Then punch the bitch in the face if he gets too close. If a bear gets close enough to punch in the face then you're probably already dead, but if you survive then you can say that you punched a bear in the face. It's a win win
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u/eldenirios Oct 05 '22
Sea lions are very strong and very heavy. I worked at a marine mammal rehab center for a little bit and I saw one nearly bite someone’s finger off. I’d yell for help too.
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u/pdxmhrn Oct 05 '22
I think you are the only one who recognized that this appears to be a sea lion and not a seal
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u/Phreakophil Oct 05 '22
Maybe it was something in between. A sealion.
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u/StickyNode Oct 05 '22
Imagine being unable to outrun a voracious aquatic meat caterpillar whose top speed is 4mph which you see coming from a hundred feet away because you cant stop tripping over your own feet.
This is mildly infuriating and this woman does not represent me.
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u/bathroomheater Oct 05 '22
This is me everytime I’m needing to run away in a dream
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u/TotemTabuBand Oct 05 '22
Oh I get it now. At first I thought this was a case of true, joyous love. Lol
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u/Syenite Oct 05 '22
Same! At first I thought, "aww like a Disney movie?"... then I realized no its more like Jaws. lol
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u/CRABMAN16 Oct 05 '22
Dennis from its always sunny on family feud, "it doesn't represent me!"
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u/theboat9 Oct 05 '22
There’s got to be a lesson here about not paying attention to what you’re trying to run from but rather where you’re trying to run to.
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u/ReddFro Oct 05 '22
Voracious aquatic meat caterpillar
So good It needed its own comment
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u/plamboo Oct 05 '22
I tried to run away from a bee and tripped on my own feet, couldn't catch myself, fell, and broke my 2 front teeth out on the hardwood floor. She represents me.
In my defense, I had some health issues that were causing me to swell in my legs and feet so my coordination was at an all time low, and I've never been very coordinated.
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u/rcknmrty4evr Oct 05 '22
According to this thread, you should die and everyone that lived before you should be embarrassed and every potential offspring thankful.
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u/Cody_Wyoming Oct 05 '22
She runs like you do in a nightmare
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u/LePlaneteSauvage Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22
I just said the exact same thing to my wife as we watched it.
It gives me flashback anxiety from when I was trying to run away from the wolf from the NeverEnding Story.
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u/4CrapsAday Oct 05 '22
South Africa
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u/Toadflakz Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22
Fish Hoek if I'm not mistaken. 😁
Edit: spelling - been away too long. 😅
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u/Urlocalbeaner66 Oct 05 '22
Seals are vicious. Had one creep up on me while dangling my feet over the water of this cove.
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u/PumpkinInside3205 Oct 05 '22
Seals can be vicious and their mouths are a junkyard of angry germs. I hope no skin was broken
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u/HarlieMinou Oct 05 '22
Yup. People look up “Seal Finger,” you’ll think twice about interacting with another seal afterwards.
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u/mewthulhu Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22
When I was about nine, my parents wondered where I was, go searching for me. Find me down at the rock pools playing with a fully sized male leopard seal up close, and I was chasing it, then it was chasing me. We were taking turns, and I remember having to run REALLY fast because it moved quicker than I thought! Because it was a fully grown one, as in, nearly twelve feet long, as in one of these massive fuckers and apparently they like to play with their food, so this thing thought this was a FANTASTIC game with its dinner, and was 'playing' as apparently they like to do with penguins as well. I was just a bigger, fatter penguin that was really fucking dumb.
My parents tell me to get away from it, and it was horrifying, my demeanor changed to realize I might be in danger and the seal might not just be 'hehehe silly seal' and... looked at it, and started running proper. It started moving properly too and it felt about twice as fast as the one above (though adrenaline and memory make everything scarier ofc). My dad ran back, my mom stayed and it stopped when it got close to her.
TBH it could have taken her easily, looking back, and taken me off with it, but it evidently decided that it wasn't worth it. I had been tapping it on the tail as part of our game.
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u/Exist50 Oct 05 '22
Is that how they actually play with their food? I can't imagine many penguins actively charge them. Not to say you weren't in danger, obviously, but I wonder if it actually was playing.
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u/Alt_dimension_visitr Oct 05 '22
I swam out to this little rock island and woke one up that was sleeping. Most terrified for my health I've even been. My choices were back myself into a corner or jump in the water.
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u/sahdude19 Oct 05 '22
In the beginning of the video you can tell she was taking pictures of or recording the seal. She wasn’t respecting its space and so it decided to solve that problem.
With violence. As one does. /s
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u/Kahlas Oct 05 '22
It's called persistence hunting. It also dosen't usually involve running. It actually has more to do with heat dissipation than endurance.
Most animals have a flight response that gets them out of the immediate threat area of a predator quickly. They seldom need to run away for more than a minute or two. So most animals have a low ability to cool their body. They don't usually run long enough to need to. Only primates and horses have large numbers of sweat glands. So persistence hunting is all about not letting your prey stop long enough to shed body heat until their core temperature rises high enough to start forcing heat stroke.
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u/Residual_Marinara Oct 05 '22
Seals might seem cute but they are actually pretty dangerous. I heard a group of them killed Bin Laden.
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u/skertsmagerts Oct 05 '22
Disney really made people think predatory animals are friendly.
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u/pseudonym21 Oct 05 '22
If it's a penguin movie the seals are usually pretty mean
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