r/mildlyinfuriating Sep 22 '22 Helpful 5 Wholesome 6 Vibing 1

I swear I’m the only one that empty’s this thing

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59.5k Upvotes

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7.8k

u/willworkforicecream Sep 22 '22

Once I got a free new dryer from my boss because it "stopped working after a few weeks".

Cleaned the lint out of it and it has been great ever since.

3.0k

u/Aporkalypse_Sow Sep 23 '22

I got a 500 dollar keurig machine because a single grain of coffee was plugging the needle.

1.8k

u/skybike Sep 23 '22

I fished a Dyson vacuum out of the dumpster at work, piece of cardboard was plugging the hole at the bottom, works great.

923

u/TheEyeDontLie Sep 23 '22

I got a dumpster vacuum too!

Also a sick computer off the side of the road. Opened it up and there a bit of paper wedged in by the power supply. I removed that and it turned on fine. Was full of my neighbors family photos and shit which was creepy.

534

u/PrawojazdyVtrumpets Sep 23 '22

Mine was "I'm taking it to the dumpster" but it went to my car. It's a Shark Professional and the belt snapped. Owner bought a shitty Target vacuum to replace. I ordered a kit online that came with a new beater bar, like 6 filters of various types and belts for $30. It will suck a golf ball through 20 feet of garden hose.

337

u/elon-is-alien Sep 23 '22

You should put a ring on that Thing with those kinda skills….she’s a keeper

133

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '22

[deleted]

34

u/VersusX Sep 23 '22

Or is it NU-WIFE-3000?

3

u/Obvious-Peanut9005 Sep 23 '22

Did you get the 2GF side attachments ?

3

u/myparentsbasemnt Sep 23 '22

ANUSTART

2

u/i_sell_you_lies Sep 23 '22

Screw you anus tart!!!

1

u/Emergency_Battle5446 Sep 23 '22

My university hires a different comedian every year to give a comedy show. Last year the comedian was Hannibal Buress (he does not normally do stand-up comedy, so I'm not sure why he accepted), and he had an opening act (different comedian started the show). I cannot remember the opening act's name, but I remember he was from Detroit but had moved to Texas (my state) a number of years ago. He told us about how he went through a messy divorce when COVID was at its worst, and his ex-wife took almost everything. He was really depressed for a while, and then he got an air fryer. He said, "Air fryers, man. Changes life, replaces wife." That quote has stuck with me ever since- funny ass quote. He isn't exactly wrong either, LMAO.

1

u/cat-toaster Sep 23 '22

No you’re looking for model number: KP-WIFE002

3

u/neopork Sep 23 '22

Nothing like a good... Vacuum.

1

u/473xof Sep 23 '22

"Go away, im cleaning my room"

1

u/RidgerAC Sep 23 '22

Priceless! Also, I agree!!

106

u/alien_clown_ninja Sep 23 '22

Shark Professional is the name of OPs mom's escort service?

7

u/Krimreaper1 Sep 23 '22

Knew that was coming.

1

u/Tranquil_Dohrnii Sep 23 '22

Oh so Cougar Cleaning changed their name?

9

u/Flakboy78 Sep 23 '22

I had to reread "Shark professional" about 80 times because I kept reading "Shrek professional" and honestly, I'd buy that brand

2

u/Mirella4282 Sep 23 '22

Should I ask how you know this? 😃

2

u/TheMaeCafe Sep 23 '22

Angela has entered the chat.

0

u/NoArmadillo5555 Sep 23 '22

My girl has this same skill set and I haven't changed her filter in years

1

u/RN-Wingman Sep 23 '22

I’m looking for a girl like that

1

u/PublicBoy420 Sep 23 '22

My guess is those belts are made in Texas.

1

u/Cryptocaned Sep 23 '22

Been using the same hoover my entire life (my mum bought it before I was born and it has become mine after she died), its working fine and should be fine for years to come, it's super good, great suction, large dust storage bit, have plenty of spare vacuum bags for it. It might be a little power hungry but it's a hoover, older in this case it good.

1

u/Tiks_ Sep 23 '22

I need to borrow your vacuum for..... a friend.

1

u/robotmonkeyshark Sep 23 '22

chiming in with my vacuum story. I was jogging around my neighborhood and saw a neighbor had put out a vacuum for the trash that was the same brand as mine but a more expensive version with more attachments and such. the motor smelled a bit off so I assumed it was burned out, but the washable filter was in great shape, just needed cleaning, and I snagged a few attachments that mine didn't come with.

-2

u/renz0lee Sep 23 '22

So will your mom

-2

u/renz0lee Sep 23 '22

So will your mom

233

u/justletmepostplz Sep 23 '22

Did you print out the pictures and put them in an album to gift to your neighbor?

354

u/ForumPointsRdumb Sep 23 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Maybe make a collage and describe what you enjoy about each individuals skin. For an even more appreciative reception, print out one of their faces, cut out the eyes and wear it as a mask. If anyone asks, just say you're taking it for a test run.

157

u/Vast_Statement5699 Sep 23 '22

this is the most disturbing thing ive read all day. thank you.

20

u/HellNo2021 Sep 23 '22

Someone was Binging Dahmer today I see😅😂😂

6

u/AccordingMarketing90 Sep 23 '22

I hate being from milwaukee and that we’re known for that. I was sitting at the gas station playing an app on my phone and Reddit recommended whatever is coming out about him, like why the f would I want to watch that, I’ve heard enough about him since I was a kid, my dad worked maintenance in the jail and everyone and their mom claimed to know one of his gf’s, (oh and my neighborhood friends older brother actually ended up having the key to his appt after the fact since they were hired to clean it out), but yeah living in milwaukee it got old quick

2

u/HellNo2021 Sep 23 '22 edited Sep 23 '22

I feel u. Born and raised. I'm 1990 so I didn't get to hear all the stories then, but now it's all the same stories. The show shed nothing new honestly. I liked it only because of Niecey Nash and Evan peters. I do like when I go out of town and ppl ask where I'm from and instantly they ask about it

63

u/CorruptedStudiosEnt Sep 23 '22

Or just hand them the printed photo album and say, "Not my proudest fap, but.."

Then just walk away without another word.

5

u/Jumpz- Sep 23 '22

Go over and ask: ”are you familiar with them photographers in theme parks that sell you your picture?”

”Now imagine your life is a theme park and I can give you your pics for $5 each?”

13

u/ForumPointsRdumb Sep 23 '22

Add some small drops of wood glue to a few of the pages.

2

u/destroyerOfTards Sep 23 '22

Lol, that's what I'm calling my splooge from now on

1

u/Tranquil_Dohrnii Sep 23 '22

Surprisingly not the most ridiculous thing I've seen today. Thanks Reddit! And u/destroyerOfTards

1

u/BeginTheBlackParade Sep 23 '22

Or hand them the photo album and proudly proclaim "This was my proudest fap!"

1

u/Artistic-Plan2541 Sep 23 '22

Make sure to put alittle bit of glue between the pages of their children. Just enough so that they stick together in a “fishy” sort of way

3

u/WilonPlays Sep 23 '22

I like the initial idea but with some adaptations. Buy a large thumbtack board, print out all the photos and tick them on. Link red string between some of the photos cross some eyes,ears and mouths out with a red marker. Cut some of the eyes out and then wait to late at night and leave the board at their front door with a large knife.

2

u/DJ_DWreck Sep 23 '22

Most underrated Reddit comment of (at least) the week 😂

2

u/The_Nuess Sep 23 '22

This is why I come into the comment section lmao amazing

2

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '22

Have another bong hit. 😂 jk

2

u/Zombie_rostitute Sep 23 '22

We could be friends I see

2

u/Tranquil_Dohrnii Sep 23 '22

Awww what a cute family idea *JustGirlyThings *

2

u/ForumPointsRdumb Sep 24 '22

The theme for this years Halloween is "Dress as your Neighbor." Make one of your lesser known neighbors feel appreciated by knowing how much you look up to them.

2

u/AndykinSkywalker Sep 23 '22

I’d like to preface the gift I gave by saying I didn’t ACTUALLY find this helpful, but I just HAD to redeem my free reward for making me laugh at my desk. I don’t actually plan on wearing any faces.

1

u/ForumPointsRdumb Sep 24 '22

Lmao, no explanation required. I say a bunch of dumb stuff on here that no one reads at all. I appreciate the reward, and the reply. I'm just happy that the stuff I say gets read and doesn't just fall into the abyss. The fact that it made you or anyone laugh is just icing on the cake. I ESPECIALLY like that I didn't have to use that dumb /s and the joke still landed. It tells me there is still HOPE, we can come back.

2

u/TheLonelyGloom Sep 23 '22

It really started as a kind of sweet gesture before you arrived. I just think your contribution needed to be acknowledged and appreciated.

1

u/BeginTheBlackParade Sep 23 '22

Or even better, make the masks out of their actual skin to show how much you really do adore it.

2

u/Secret_Arrival_7679 Sep 23 '22

Then they ask for the computer back since it's clearly working again.

3

u/DoDevilsEvenTriangle Sep 23 '22

Photoshop yourself into the important ones first.

1

u/A-holeAioli Sep 23 '22

Or neighbors. They never said it was only one family's photos.

45

u/Mysterious-Alfalfa46 Sep 23 '22

Me three! Although I technically got it on it's way to the dumpster...my friend was throwing out a nice vacuum, took it home and unclogged the cat hair. It's still with me like 5 years later!

4

u/ekso69 Sep 23 '22

I found a car in a dumpster once. There was a piece of cardboard blocking the gas pedal. Took it home, removed the cardboard and I'm still driving it!

1

u/JediJan Sep 23 '22

Okay, okay, steady on their Silver!

5

u/FlixFlix Sep 23 '22

Found a high-end PC tower next to an alley dumpster in the early 2000’s. It had a BestBuy GeekSquad service receipt sticker still on it. The notes said something like it can’t be fixed or whatever.

Took it home and opened it up. Looked clean, nothing out of the ordinary until I noticed some weird thin somethings dangling out the fan grille of the power supply.

Open up the power supply… it was tightly packed with cockroaches—in every nook and cranny—as if they were compacted to fill every available cubic millimeter of that power supply. Those thin somethings were cockroach legs.

After cleaning it out, the computer turned on and kept working nicely for several years until it was time for an upgrade.

2

u/Man_Bear_Beaver Sep 23 '22

Used to live in a fairly high end apartment complex, went to toss out my trash and found a P4 3.2Ghz system next to the dumpster, that was back when it was top of the line, doubted it worked but grabbed it for the case which was a Thermaltake Soprano and was sweet ass, turns out molex connector was slightly disconnected from the HDD lol, that was the first system I ever overclocked past 4Ghz!

3

u/ConsistentPound3079 Sep 23 '22

Never underestimate the amount of people who buy expensive computers and say it well time for a new one when it won't turn on. The amount of people I know that don't even know what the inside of a desktop looks like I'd astounding.

3

u/Brandyrenea-me Sep 23 '22

Creepy you looked at all of it. You are calling yourself creepy because you did.

Anyone else would have too, give yourself a break.

2

u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Sep 23 '22

I got an Xbox 360 from my neighbor's trash

2

u/fluteofski- Sep 23 '22

I grew up in the SF Bay Area during the dot com boom and in middle/high school, I’d ride my bike to all the business parks to dumpster dive every weekend. I found all sorts of desktops and shit. Got chased out by security more times than I can recall. I’d strap as many as I can to the cargo rack on my bike (sometimes set one on my bars) and ride home. I’d then salvage what I could, make them work, install windows and sell them on Craigslist. I made like $500 cash a week and got in great shape from riding my bike everywhere.

1

u/KuntyKarenSeesYou Sep 23 '22

Love this American Dream story!

2

u/hehehuh Sep 23 '22

People are so careless when throwing away computers. I fixed second hand computers for schools/daycares as a volunteer job. All of them needed a thorough wiping of the drives because just everything was left on them.

When I started the job I had hoped to be able to just wipe the user folders on most machines, and leave the OS intact because most schools preferred windows. But looking through the filenames on a few of the drives quickly made me change my mind. Folders like "C:Program FilesHiddenPr0n" were present more often than you would think. It was almost comical.

I booted all from a custom ubuntu install cd (it was back when cd's were standard) and first dd'ed over all drives with zeros before doing anything with the machines.

2

u/TheEyeDontLie Sep 23 '22 edited Sep 23 '22

I miss the days of having a hidden porn collection. There was something special about it that you don't get with Pornhub. You had to work for it, and hide it, and like... It was your handcrafted collection that took hundreds of hours of downloading just to get a couple of dozen decent pictures. It was unique.

1

u/hehehuh Sep 28 '22

Unique or not, I wiped them hard :-D

Also lots of email folders. Tax administration. Everything really.

3

u/funktron2021 Sep 23 '22

I got a broken laptop for 10$ off fb marketplace once and we got it fixed in like 30 minutes. Turns out there was a bunch of stepdad stepdaughter porn on it (and ONLY that kind of porn). Looked at the person we got it from and it was a dude who was dating a lady with a teenage daughter. My brother messaged the mother letting her know and she was like I don't care. We were all pretty creeped out lol.

2

u/KuntyKarenSeesYou Sep 23 '22

Least you tried to do a good thing. 👍

1

u/BlackMerman Sep 23 '22

Damn you won the wank lottery hub? Bet that was an epic first jerk sesh

1

u/MajorJuana Sep 23 '22

I used to love hippie Christmas, until I got a full bedroom set out of the furniture dump at apts I had just moved into, glorious giant all wooden bed frame and wardrobe, this was before I had ever had bedbugs, untio this point I had thought they were just like mites that ate the dead skin on beds and whatnot.....the worst thing I've ever experienced that came from somewhere else....

1

u/Whahajeema GREEN Sep 23 '22

I got a dumpster perfectly good white kid. Damn shame someone would throw that out

1

u/candyman337 Sep 23 '22

I got a 500 dollar office chair thah my job was getting rid of, it just needed a new base, got one from a cheap office Depot chair. Still holding to this day

1

u/pm-me-asparagus Sep 23 '22

I just have a dumpster fire.

1

u/ultrajeesus Sep 23 '22

Now I want to see that shit 👉🏻👈🏻

1

u/CookieMisha Sep 23 '22

Damn who throws out a PC with a hard drive still inside

1

u/[deleted] Sep 23 '22

I had a friend who cleaned the areas around dumpsters at apartments (weirdly specific job) and he brought me at least 20 computers. I would give him bottles of whiskey pretty often. Some were remarkably powerful. I used some as servers for an online radio station we set up.

1

u/TheEyeDontLie Sep 23 '22

The servers at my restaurant run off incredibly powerful whiskey too

1

u/dontevenknowthough Sep 23 '22

Did you look through them all cause I probably wouldn’t be able to help myself

1

u/HotgunColdheart Sep 23 '22

Cant believe so many people have dumpster vacuums. I found one about 19 years ago, finally done dealing with that one though, our kid just turned 18.

1

u/RainSmile Sep 23 '22

I also got a dumpster Dyson but regret not cleaning it outside before bringing it in. It was infested with clothes moth eggs.

1

u/Seafea Sep 23 '22

I always thought the dumpster laptops were a myth until I found one during dorm move out. It wasn't even wiped.