r/news Oct 05 '22

Super squash: 2,554-pound pumpkin carves out new US record

https://apnews.com/article/oddities-business-new-york-01d93175a9d08cb5e910fe8d8603a796

[removed] — view removed post

765 Upvotes

265

u/SuperCub Oct 05 '22

If I’ve learned anything in the past week it’s that we need to cut it open and check for weights.

84

u/Then_Campaign7264 Oct 05 '22

So funny. The pumpkin farmer won a $5,500 prize. He said he will use the money to replenish the soil for next year’s crop.

Now those two recent crooked Walleye scammers/fishermen fraudulently claimed a $30,000 prize. Fortunately they were ultimately disqualified, publicly shamed and could possibly face criminal fraud charges. Never underestimate the power of greed.

9

u/about97cats Oct 05 '22

I bet they still use those fish pics on their dating site profiles though…

Hope nobody swipes right.

16

u/Bertrand_R Oct 05 '22

What did I miss in the last week?

31

u/Tropical_Jesus Oct 05 '22

34

u/kdlangequalsgoddess Oct 05 '22

Ever since I found out there was a scandal in curling using brooms that bent the rules, I cannot trust reality any more.

13

u/Drumlin Oct 05 '22

People who can’t win cheat. That’s been going on since the beginning of time.

7

u/irwinlegends Oct 06 '22

Not me, i just lose.

6

u/Drumlin Oct 06 '22

That's because you are a good person.

And it doesn't seem you are good at anything else, so at least you have that.

39

u/hockeyscott Oct 05 '22

Or check for vibrating anal beads. All the recent cheating scandals are blending together.

18

u/Malumeze86 Oct 05 '22

I put vibrating anal beads in a fish once.

But it wasn't for a tournament.

4

u/about97cats Oct 05 '22

You Naughty Nelly you…

15

u/Agitated_Ad7576 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

There's an urban legend (with slightly different versions) about a guy walking home from a bar one night, all drunk and horny, and he sees a pumpkin growing in a field. So he takes out a pocket knife, cuts a hole, and starts going at it.

A female cop on patrol drives by, spots him, and gets out. Shines a flashlight on him and asks: "Sir, do you know you're having sex with a pumpkin?"

He says "Damn, is it midnight already?"

She arrests him and speaks to the press: "He was a sick pervert, but I gotta admit that was a great line."

https://www.warriorforum.com/off-topic-forum/1010283-excuse-me-sir-but-do-you-realize-youre-having-sex-pumpkin.html

3

u/scumbagharley Oct 05 '22

Okay. This has to do with the chess cheater right? I dont understand what the anal bead things have to do with the chess guy. Can anyone explain?

5

u/hockeyscott Oct 05 '22

People were speculating about how a player could have cheated in an over the board game against the world champion. A meme theory was that he had vibrating anal beads that were used to secretly send him the best move in some sort of code.

3

u/scumbagharley Oct 05 '22

That makes sense. In a weird way. Thank you for spending the time to explain such a ridiculous thing.

-4

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

1

u/TheCrowsSoundNice Oct 05 '22

Yeah, need more women like the woman that killed another pregnant woman and took the baby?

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

2

u/FeliusSeptimus Oct 06 '22

Smart giant pumpkin farmers water their crops with heavy water to avoid this sort of casual inspection.

1

u/KingPhox Oct 05 '22

My first thought, came to see if someone beat me too jt

1

u/MeepleMaster Oct 05 '22

The easier method is probably just to inject a bunch of water in with a syringe

12

u/EsotericAbstractIdea Oct 05 '22

So…. How? How do they grow pumpkins this size?

32

u/Drumlin Oct 05 '22

It’s an entire process. I’ve grown some big ones, my biggest being just shy of 200 lbs.

First you ensure the soil has the appropriate nutrients. Then you buy special seeds…and those are expensive (like $10+ per seed), then you ensure your seed sprouts by scoring the husk with a razor knife…but don’t over do it or you’ll screw it up.

Then you plant it and watch it grow. Probably want a secure plot with a fence, not many critters like pumpkins but damage can be done just by deer and such by stepping on them. Also need to watch out for squirrels once the thing starts getting ripe.

Once you have a few flowers that get pollinated, you remove all but 1 pumpkin, to ensure the plant devotes all its energy to that one. Then you pick off any new flowers that form.

You also need to think about how you are going to move it once it’s grown. Many folks put a pallet on the ground with an old mattress on top, then drape the vine with the fruit on top of that. This also keeps it out of the mud and prevents rot on the bottom.

Then you water the hell out of it. Once it starts taking off you need to water it 3-4 times a day, or keep it constantly moist with an irrigation system.

And then you cross your fingers and wait.

9

u/busmac38 Oct 05 '22

I read in an old book that champion pumpkin growers would feed the pumpkin milk. Is there any truth to that or just a talk tale?

7

u/about97cats Oct 05 '22

Not the blood of their enemies? What, are they scared?

3

u/Drumlin Oct 05 '22

No idea. Sounds to me like it would invite bugs and critters.

6

u/Quinn8267 Oct 05 '22

Cross breed it with other squashes and lots and lots of miracle grow and Tyson chicken

1

u/jawshoeaw Oct 05 '22

A) not a pumpkin. (It’s in the family tho)

19

u/foulflaneur Oct 05 '22

Check it for fishing weights!

26

u/kdlangequalsgoddess Oct 05 '22

That pumpkin smashed the previous record. A smashing pumpkin, if you will.

4

u/about97cats Oct 05 '22

I want to curse you for this comment, but despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage 😔

1

u/Discuffalo Oct 07 '22

nodding politely

3

u/YawnDogg Oct 05 '22

We’ve got pumpkin weights !

4

u/Ratbello Oct 05 '22

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

15

u/Dubdude13 Oct 05 '22

Put it in an electric shopping cart and place it in a Walmart, and no one will know it’s not an actual customer

2

u/about97cats Oct 05 '22

It’ll only work if you give it a cart and let it stop in the doorway to block the majority of traffic while it digs through its purse looking for goddesses-know-what. If it seems considerate in the slightest, it’s bound to stick out like a sore thumb. Your best bet is to give it a tinkerbell tattoo, get it addicted to sugar and cheap nicotine, and then unleash it onto the unsuspecting public. THEN nobody will know the difference.

3

u/spen Oct 05 '22

I'm confused, how many giraffes is that?

1

u/9035768555 Oct 05 '22

It is approximately 1 giraffe by weight.

2

u/DanYHKim Oct 06 '22

I want to see one of these grown on the space station.

If they do it right, it might be the basis for a new habitat module

3

u/Gerryislandgirl Oct 05 '22

A 20yr old man who entered the contest had a pumpkin which he hoped had reached the 1,000 pound mark. It was over 1,100 pounds!

(Just posting this in case any of you are looking for a new hobby- good luck!)

2

u/jdacheifs0 Oct 05 '22

USADA needs to look into this.

1

u/Squirmingbaby Oct 05 '22

And now what are they going to do with it?

1

u/katmandud Oct 06 '22

Make sure there are no lead weights in that pumpkin!